Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

Whilst the NHS says that separate sleeping is the safest, they have also issued guidelines about how to make it as safe as possible. There are no such guidelines about using a perfect prep.

The risk involved in safe bed sharing is very low indeed. Particularly when married with the fact a breast fed baby is at lower risk than a formula fed one.

Lots of breast feeding woman who 'roll over to feed' are using a next to me crib which is exactly as the NHS recommend.

As I said, every parent works out risk. The 'whatabouterry' is so infantile.

Imagine all of those in a landfill.

I was under a LOT of pressure to BF.
Mostly from ladies my own age and younger than me, such as my SIL, NHS staff, and my cousin (who was childless but very opinionated).
Yet my husband, mum and MIL and older ladies were actually a lot more pro-choice and both mothers pointed out that both myself and my DH were formula fed and it did us no harm. 😇

I tried to EBF for a couple of weeks and it killed me due to sleep deprivation. My child was starving and had colic. We were all miserable.
I tried the breast pump several times to no avail, I felt like a failure. 😔 😟
Other women could easily EBF, I thought maybe it was because I was an older mum in my 30s that I was failing, and the guilt was huge.

My midwife came to our house and said "we're not supposed to say this but breast IS best, until it ISN'T".
Husband got the little cow & gate bottle (pack of 6) and DS drank nearly a whole 90ml bottle and slept! GAME changer! 🙌
We couldn't afford ready made bottles, so asked about powder and got some.

My MIL was an angel who had already gifted me a pack of dummies and a Tommy tippee prep machine (from her step daughter), and she said just keep these in case you change your mind - as a back up!
They were both a life saver. 😎

I felt like a failure (again) at first for having to use dummies and a formula.
I got some funny snide comments off my younger SIL also.
But do you know what? My mum and MIL both said they did the same. I had dummies and formula, as did my husband (both 40s now) and guess what? My baby thrived, as he had a full belly and a decent sleep (as did we!) And hubby could bottle feed and bond while I could finally shower and brush my teeth! 😆

Those items (machine & dummies) along with a mama wrap sling for baby-wearing made it one of the most enjoyable experiences, as the baby was happy and dad could have a bond with feeding him, and I would snuggle him in the wrap.
I even put alarms/reminders on my phone to sterilise the prep machine and dummies and bottles etc, religiously like clockwork. It was a military operation in one way, but worth it.

They aren't babies for long. Enjoy it and remember a happy mum makes for an even happier baby 💯
You do what's best for you and and your baby.

ETA:
Everyone will have an opinion, but it's such a personal experience that you make sure you get the final say and feel comfortable in your choices.
🫂
@ChristmasBaby2026

I was not 'slagging anyone off'. I was discussing my personal experience. - Yes FF mums can get defensive, but only because we get made to feel like we have to defend our choices.

I received a lot of judgement for bottle feeding from my HV, GP, NCT group with lots of people extolling the virtues of breastfeeding despite me explaining I was bottle feeding under medical advice - not that that should even matter, it's a valid choice even without medical advice to do so. One particularly unpleasant HV said I was the equivalent of me giving my child mcdonalds every day - yes, it's feeding them but it's far from ideal. In my sleep deprived state with a poorly baby I believe this was a significant factor in me developing PND. I already felt rubbish after being told that my milk was making my little girl poorly, so being told I was harming my child if I bottle fed left me feeling hopeless - there are only 2 options and I was criticised for doing both of them.

Once I was well, I went to their manager to explain my experience, met with her and other senior HV's and they ultimately made changes to their literature and staff training to make sure no mum was made to feel 'less' for bottle feeding, and this was evident by time I had my 2nd 3 years later, their 'message' was very different and much more supportive.

Yes, sarcasm. Sorry 😂

I probably would have been happier FF but I chose to BF as it’s best for baby and that was my priority over my own happiness.

I’ve been thinking a lot about some of the NHS advice - not making it advance for example whereas I know lots of people who do and the advice in other countries is that’s is perfectly safe in the fridge for 24 hours. I think NHS advice has to be written for the least intelligent person by necessarily - easier to say don’t do it than to allow for the potential misapplication of nuance

No worries I was just slow on the uptake, 😅

I agree that every parent works out their risk assessment.

For me, it is using a perfect prep and never having a baby in bed with me. For others, it will be different.

Thank you - I’ve decided to be open minded about dummies. Lots of people get a lot of benefit from them and using one for a 2 month old to settle is not the same as allowing a 3 year old to run around with it in their mouth all day!

Jaysus, a next to me crib is NOT BEDSHARING.

And NHS cautions the roll over and feed baby prone on their back due to risk of choking and suffocation by the boob if mum falls asleep while breastfeeding.

I know? I didn't say it was?!

I bed shared with all mine

Obviously I can only speak from my own experience so lots of people will have different opinions, but I ff and bf my first and was a million times happier and more relaxed when I moved to formula. My second wasn’t breastfed at all

Ok, well you weren’t clear that the next to me crib wasn’t an example of your ‘The risk involved in safe bed sharing is very low indeed.…’ so I’ve clarified that for all and sundry. You’re welcome.

I am still breastfeeding my 16 month old and plan to breastfeed the next one that will be born in Feb (currently pregnant).

For me, the health benefits were the most important factor. You can’t really compare from this perspective, the fact our body responds to what the baby needs through saliva and changes the construction of the milk accordingly. Beyond that, the ease of BF, the fact it’s free, the connection you build with the baby while doing it, the benefits for lowering the rest of breast cancer etc were all really important.

Don’t get me wrong, it is bloody hard work and very mentally challenging knowing that the baby is so dependant on you. Plus the pain at the beginning while the baby is learning to latch, and the pain I’m currently experiencing due to baby feeding on pregnant nipples.

However, it has been a wonderful experience for me and I have loved doing it. Nothing beats when they make eye contact with you while feeding and you feel your oxytocin surge 💜💜

Plus a lot of mums I know that FF have to bring so much out with them, spend lots of time washing and sterilising bottles, and the cost of formula these days.

At the end of the day though, fed is best, and whatever you pick is totally valid! X

The World Health Organisation states that after making up bottles fresh the next safest option would be to make up a batch in advance, rapid cool and store in the back of the fridge for up to 24 hours which is an option if someone doesn’t feel comfortable using perfect prep machines.

There’s also the nuby rapid cool which is very popular and the NHS hasn’t decided it’s unsafe (yet 😂)

Also to mention - feeding has been helpful for more than just food, as if she’s grizzly, pissed off, grumpy, overly tired, often the nipple is the only thing that seems to calm her down in an instant.

PFB I had in bf friendly area - then moved to one that wasn't with second.

First area friend who had to go back on medication said she had awful comments about FF - she did 4 month bf and pumped a lot of milk. She ha dno choice the medication was needed - heart condition and her condition was getting worse without it.

In FF friendly area I had awful comments from HV, GP other mothers and pharmacist about bf - it was all the bloody time. I do wonder if tehy'd been less if I'd have felt more able to switch or combination feeding - but hostile family and area made and guilt having bf first made me dig my heels in.

So well done for getting some change and consideration from services where you were - you should be very proud as I'm sure it will help future mothers.

It shouldn't be such a heated debate - bf can be great but when there are issue there should be more support but that does not mean demoising mothers who ff or do combination feeding. Treating mothers as adults capable of weighting up pro and cons would be a great way forward.

Breastfeeding is hard to establish, and through growthspurts. However, I still think it's the best thing I ever done.
Bottle feeding is kess convenient with having to wash, sterilise, organise.
Things like...a delayed flight or a motorway standstill and that turns into a panic if you have a formulafed baby.. whereas with breast-feeding you can just feed them, you won't run out or get caught short.

I don't think my happiness had anything to do with how my babies were fed. I think it was influenced by a lack of support network and a selfish husband. THOSE factors made my post-natal journey miserable and isolating, NOT the way I fed my baby.

But ny advice would be get your breastfeeding support in place beforehand; know your local peer supporter/use the helplines etc, get to know other breastfeeding mums...it definitely makes it easier if you know where support is available

Do you speak to people like that in real life?

@ChristmasBaby2026 I wish you the very best. I'll leave this thread because it's already turning into a BF vs FF bunfight.

Ive 3DC & have lots of friends with them too. From my experience, bf is easier for those able to do it & enjoy doing it for the first few weeks but an absolutely bugger as they get older- many friends have struggled going back to work as their baby wont take a bottle, cant go out to have hair done, dinner with friends wtc as they have to be close to baby for feesing etc. Several frie ds bf way longer than they ever wanted too as baby wouldn't sleep without it etc.

I did a mixture of bf & ff for my 3 but ff was definitely better for me as I could go out & leave them with dh as he could feed them. It was also a god send after a tricky birth so I could rest & dh was on nights.

Everyone chooses what's best for them and their circumstances but those, including me, who ff from early on seem much more chilled, have a dh that is more involved & present form day 1 & also havent had much separation anxiety when leaving their baby.

Ultimately happy mum is happy baby but for me ff was the best decision for us as a family.

I’ve had 3 DC and tried and failed to BF all 3. For a combination of reasons, but was never able to get past about 8 weeks. My last DS is now 10 months - had a tongue tie that was diagnosed and snipped at 7 weeks I pumped to keep up my supply and what a miserable experience that was. For me BF means big uncomfortable boobs, leaking, being restricted to what I can wear, pain, worrying if they were getting enough. I’m glad they all got the first few weeks of breast milk but I never once found it peaceful.

I carried a lot of guilt about switching to formula but life was infinitely easier when I did. All of my friends bar one breast feed and I take my hat off to them. I’m not sure why I struggled with it so much.

Alright calm down . Just sharing my experience which I am entitled to like everyone else . No need to jump down my neck

Breastfeeding is more work in the beginning but less over time. It is better for baby and mum’s physical health.