Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I combi fed and found that was ideal for us. I could breastfeed when I wanted, during night wakes I could roll over and feed DS back to sleep easily. But also meant DH could give a bottle now and then, I could bottle feed when out and about if it was easier. I used to BF during the day on maternity leave, go to bed at 9ish, DH would give a bottle and sit downstairs for a bit to get DS off to sleep then pop him into the cot at 11ish. I would do the 1am / 3am feeds and DH would give a bottle in the morning before getting ready for work, if I was really tired.

This exactly. I think any differences are marginal and not a hill to die on.

Yeah my two hated being covered. Simply dont look.

I was so happy BF! It was all very easy and relaxed. I know some women have to work a bit harder to make a success of it but most think it is worthwhile. They love the bond and are conscious of the health benefits to the baby and the financial savings. I wouldn't pre-judge it and would start off BF. Obviously, if you have lasting problems and find it hell switch to a bottle - no point suffering.

Breastfeeding also lowers your risk of breast cancer… it’s not all about baby.

Cluster feeding is an absolute bitch. I hate people like NCT saying cluster feeding is a few hours in the evening. Fuck that, for me it was hours and hours and hours. Absolutely relentless.

I think you won't know until your baby is here.

I really REALLY wanted to breastfeed. I breastfed both DC, although it was very hard going with DC1 for the first couple of months. DC2 was a complete walk in the park in comparison.

With DC1 I slogged it out and it was very hard (until it finally got easy). Not breastfeeding would have ultimately made me less happy though, as I wanted to feed my babies how they are biologically supposed to be fed and that was really important to me. But that is me - and what mattered to me - many other people make a different choice and are perfectly happy formula feeding.

I'm not sure making sweeping generalisations is a particularly positive way to go about making this kind of decision though. Of the mums I knew many had a very easy time breastfeeding and were perfectly happy. Others struggled, combi fed, stopped or didn't BF at all. As in all aspects of life, people have different experiences.

The only thing I would say is pumping is an absolute faff. I pumped with DC1 and hated it. Stopped as soon as possible. I prepped the pump for DC2 but never used it, thank god. Although as with anything I am sure you will find mums who were perfectly happy pumping. Horses for courses!

That’s what a freezer stash is for, so I took turns with DH as the cluster feeds always happened during a work night when I’d have to be up by 4:30 and at my desk by 6am.

As many others have said, it depends on the baby! I bf both of mine at the start but DD was on formula at 6 months, DS was bf to 16 months. DS was (and still is) a much better sleeper than DD. He was a big, hungry baby but I had a lot of milk. I used to have to wake him in the mornings and after his 3 hour afternoon naps. 😂 In contrast, DD was a poor sleeper and not a good feeder either. Turns out she’s got ADHD which might or might not be relevant.

My MIL only breastfed #3 and she said that if she'd known how much easier and more relaxing bfing was then she'd have done it with all three.

For some people it's more relaxing because they can hand ff over, but for others the ease of bfing once it's established is far easier.

It's up to you and like others have said, you can do combi feeding. You might not be able to plan it how you want though - I had a friend who planned to combi feed and her baby had a lot of reflux from formula, she ended up breastfeeding until he was at least 2. I also have a friend who wanted to combi feed and had a really difficult recovery from birth, her husband and in laws basically took over with the baby for a few weeks at least, formula feeding. She needed the rest but was really sad she didn't get to attempt breastfeeding and wants to try with her second.

For me I had my husband and MIL very worried about me wanting to breastfeed, my SIL (not MIL's daughter) had issues breastfeeding and severe PPD, my husband really wanted to take the baby at night so I could sleep. But I pushed back because I really wanted to breastfeed and my mum did with all three of us. It is gruelling in the beginning especially if your baby is born small like mine was, but there are lots of other ways for partners to help. I ended up pumping so my DH could take the baby for a good 4/5 hours at night between 6 weeks and 3 months which was a godsend.

Now trying to wean finally at 18 months but frankly I loved it, great bonding, so convenient and easy. A friend who bottle fed had more stress trying to remember bottles and not being able to stay out for a coffee after a baby class if she hadn't brought another bottle with her, that kind of thing. I could just boob the baby while co sleeping but she struggled more with lack of sleep later having to figure out how to settle her son without feeding, physically get up and go to another room 3-4 times a night when he woke up. It does a disservice to bottle feeding mums saying all babies sleep through better. My friend who FF twins, they woke every 45 mins until they hired a sleep consultant and didn't sleep through the night until 18 months.

Such a win for travelling especially on a plane. Amazing when they're poorly. And I do feel like it's given him the best start I could, right decision for him and for me.

pumping is an absolute faff

God yes it is, but I had no choice as had to return to work. My line manager booked me a very out of the way conference room that was never used and it became the first pumping room they’d ever had for new mums. Pumping did use up my 1hr lunch break though which I had to split up into 15mins for a mid morning pump, 1/2hr while eating lunch, and then 15mins mid afternoon pump. They didn’t allow extra time for it then. It was all new. And I had to almost fight coworkers for fridge space to store the milk in as they would see a cool box and think oh, this doesn’t need to be in the fridge. Many borderline passive aggressive sticky notes were left by me and emails from my manager were sent round the office until they got used to these lunches being next to breastmilk without people (mostly older gen) getting grossed out and complaining while comparing it to storing urine samples in the office fridge.

I hope things are better for new mums now than they were 25 yrs ago.

Personally, once into the swing of breastfeeding was a lot easier for me than formula. Don’t need to leave the bedroom to feed, much easier to leave the house, less constipated baby, less to clean etc.

However, there were a few things i did that made a difference (not all of which are in line with nhs guidelines So don’t come for me but it worked very well for us *3).

Always had dad feed a bottle just before bed from about 2 weeks in. To make sure had a decent fill and so that baby got used to a bottle (I expressed during the feed).
Never let the baby fall asleep on the boob - I’m not a dummy. baby always out down awake.
Not feed on demand - fed in line with a play, sleep, wake, feed schedule.
Let them have a dummy.

I’m 13 months postpartum and think I can give a fairly balanced view for a few reasons. I had planned on EBF but ended up giving our first bottle of formula after one week due to my sleep deprivation/insomnia. (It was so severe that I was actually prescribed diazepam at one week postpartum, so I had to stop breastfeeding overnight when I took it.) From there it was an uphill battle to get my supply back up, and I never managed to get to a full supply, so we were combi-feeding from the first week onwards. I think it’s very easy to overlook combi-feeding as a valid option, but I was able to let other people feed baby (without having to pump) while also having the breastfeeding experience. My baby had a tongue tie, which caused me to develop bad mastitis and a breast abscess at 2 months postpartum. I was so ill I was in hospital on IV antibiotics for two nights. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed after that, but within three days I missed it so much that I restarted. I’m saying this because I think it shows what an attachment I felt to breastfeeding; there could be something in that for you to think about. It’s honestly been the most beautiful, natural, happiest experience since things got easier for us after my baby’s tongue tie was divided. We co-sleep and she comfort nurses throughout the night still, which is really not as intense as it sounds, although I appreciate it isn’t for everyone. I get about 6-8 hours of sleep every night - albeit broken up a bit. She might unsettle a bit overnight, but that’s preferable for me to her being in another room and her full-on cries waking me up and getting me out of bed.

As much as it was a necessity to give her formula when I couldn’t breastfeed at the start, and as much as it’s helped here and there having people able to give her bottles instead of me, bottle-feeding is it’s own struggle. It’s a lot of faff sorting out the cleaning, sterilizing, prep, etc. - all while you’re sleep deprived and the house is a tip. I never really got into a good system with it, and if I have another I think I’d try to EBF for that reason alone.

I don’t like the pressure on women either way. It’s such a personal decision and aspects of it are very often out of our control anyway. Mental health has to come first in the postpartum period. There are so many ways to nourish a baby, and the key to that is obviously emotional. I do wonder why there seems (even in the health messaging we get from the NHS) to be an all-or-nothing approach to infant feeding. It’s either formula or breast. Combi-feeding is a valid choice, and there is no need to abandon breastfeeding altogether if you can’t establish a full supply.

Hope my experience helps and wishing you the best 💕

I combi fed both my DC, my eldest had her 1st bottle at hours old in the hospital as she just didn’t seem to fill up so the midwife gave her one, then when we got home, I fed all day except the one before bedtime as I felt it helped her get a longer 1st sleep then by 4months she was only FF and already on baby porridge (very hungry baby) but now a perfectly healthy 7yr old

my youngest took longer to accept a bottle and we went through every diff type until he accepted one and he was 6m before I could fully move to FF only but he was having a daily bottle from 2 months old, he has always and still is fussier than the eldest

Im always amazed people can be bothered with the faff of making up bottles of something that comes out of your own breasts

I can't imagine dealing with that. I was done with pumping long before I had to RTW. You superstar!
When I RTW I was worried I would need to pump for relief, and I was offered use of the library - the door could be locked. Thankfully I didn't need it. They now have a dedicated room for new mothers, which is a step in the right direction.

A faff? 90 seconds to make a bottle in a Perfect Prep and you don’t have to do it - your DH can it

Breastfeeding was probably the biggest factor in the postpartum depression I had with both my daughters. I could never be away from the baby for more than two hours during the daytime, and I felt less like a mother and more like a human milk machine. I usually take medication for depression, anxiety, and ADHD, but I felt like “a good mother would make any sacrifice for her baby,” so I stayed off them so I could keep breastfeeding. When my second daughter was five months old, I ended up in a psych ward – and still kept breastfeeding after I left, because I breastfed my first daughter for fifteen and a half months and I didn’t want to be “unfair.” Finally, one day when my second daughter was about seven months old, something clicked and I realized I just couldn’t keep doing it.

When I quit breastfeeding and went back on my regular medications, it was like the part in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy opens the door and everything changes from sepia to bright colors. I actually enjoyed being a mother again, and I could go out for the whole entire day. The baby took fifteen minutes to eat instead of forty. My relationship with my older daughter improved because now we could go out sometimes and do things without her little sister. I was actually excited to wake up in the morning and see what my kids were going to do next.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t breastfeed either of my kids.

Your DH can deal with the faff though, whereas with BF it’s all on you.

OP - do what feels right for you. Most parents do a mix of breast and formula, it doesn’t have to be a binary decision. Some people find BF straightforward and others don’t.

What makes mum happier is completely subjective.

I breastfed both of mine.

Downsides:

painful at first
being main source of food/comfort (I.e. dad couldn’t share the feeding load)
pumping was difficult and tiring
battle to get baby to take the bottle when I wanted/needed time away

Pros for me, personally (I know this isn’t the same for every mum):
relatively hassle free
felt an incredible bond with child
cheap
i lost all the baby weight very quickly

There have been studies to show that breastfed babies tend to reach higher education levels, but then that was wiped out by the realisation that the mums were usually higher educated, so that was probably the link rather than breastfeeding alone.

I know there’s studies about helping babies immunity, and my DC were the kids that always got the 100% attendance awards at school (not that I think that health should be awarded, but just to show they obviously fought off all the usual school-germs).

But if mum is miserable breastfeeding and that leads the DC to be raised by an unhappy parent, that’s got to be more detrimental to the child than FF, surely?

I had two perfect prep machines. One downstairs and one in the bedroom. Easy peasy and not a faff at all.

”I think my preferred option would be to combi-feed and pump.”

Triple feeding, as this is called, it probably the least convenient and most labour intensive way to go. Every mum I’ve supported that’s done this has only done it out of necessity, and has switched to either just breast, combi with formula, or just formula as soon as they could.

I suspect the mums you know who say ‘never again’ about breastfeeding didn’t have help and support and struggled with issues that could’ve been fixed if they had access to good feeding help.

Thesedon’t heat the water hot enough to kill the bacteria in the formula powder, so put your baby at increased risk of illness. The NHS doesn’t recommend these for good reason.

https://www.nhs.uk/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/bottle-feeding/making-up-baby-formula/

Without question, the best way to feed your baby is whatever makes you and your baby happy. I've always noticed that mums who choose formula are often made to feel they need to justify their choice, which seems unfair.

I EBF my babies, it was just so easy, faff-free and convenient. I knew I couldn't be bothered with bottles and I'd have worried about sterilising them. I'm also aware that I was very lucky and that it's very disappointing if you want to bf and can't for whatever reason.

When my daughter's kids were born I would have supported her feeding choices 100%, whatever she decided. But I think I would have been a tiny bit (privately) disappointed if she'd bottle fed her babies.