Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

See how it goes? You might love it or you might decide its not for you! I breastfed all my kids and they were all very different temperaments. One fantastic sleeper and one truly terrible- so I don't think the way they were fed had much impact on that. Two of my kids were very calm unfussy babies but my DS had awful colic and reflux and was very difficult, so again I don't think the way they were fed really made much difference to their temperaments. It is worth saying that the first 3 months breastfeeding can feel full on/ difficult but once you are through that bit its very easy- the babies feed very quickly and efficiently and you dont have to faff around making bottles, cleaning, sterilising etc. The night feeds is a very fair point, I always did night feeds and my husband got up at 5am with kids and let me sleep in. I also expressed but appreciate some people find that time consuming.

I didn't really get the urge to leave our babies when they were very little. My husband and I were homebodies before having children, and not the sort to go out to dinner or places that weren’t baby friendly (lunches at family or friends of a weekend, or a takeaway and a film watched in bed in the evening), so we just kept living life the way we always had.

Once our babies were around 8 or 9 months, sometimes we'd pop out for a little date on the weekend, having left the baby with Nana for an afternoon as they'd take water from a sippy cup and eat solids. It just wasn't an issue for us.

i ebf DS7 until he was 4.5 and now with DS18m. I absolutely love it though it can be challenging. It’s a blessing and a curse , when they are sick you know they are getting nutrients and fluids easy and providing comfort. However , as mine were / are not night weaned there are still night wakings though brief.

you are kind of attached but for me that’s good as I feel it keeps me grounded and it’s only a few short years. You stop and spend that time in the busy day just with baby or toddler.

If you lean into EBF it’s wonderful , if you aren’t sure or aren’t that interested then probably don’t bother.

Asthama and teeth - narrow bridges - two out of three despite BF have asthma one quite bad and from young age - and all have needed braces.

I was FF and much later in life diagaonsed with asthma - Dsis kids both FF from word go no asthma all.

A lot of benefits are margial or on a population level.

I'm not sorry even with diffciultes with first two that I bf - but only real benefit I can point to is my heavy period stopping -- had kids close together and bf between pg - so had five year break and that reset my periods to more "normal" ones.

I got sleep as we co-slept - not my choice though ADHD may explain the extreme clingyness two had as babies.

I didn't find BF as restrictive as paint by some on here but did find support when there were problems really lacking - but honsetly while I'm glad I did it I'm not sure it made as much difference as claimed.

That's because you're not allowed to say good things about breastfeeding or you're accused of being SMUG and shaming the "lazy" formula mums.

Breastfeeding is almost alwasy harder at the beginning, even the easiest breast fed baby will need to be at the boob for hours in the early days.

Past 6/8weeks breastfeeding is absolutely easier. It's quicker, nothing to clean or carry around. Don't have to plan things and worry about traveling. So easy to have something that will alwasy settle baby.

There's also none of the constipated, uncomfortable stuff. The amount of formula babies who struggle to poop is huge- make it super painful and stressful situation. Although my bf babies were the opposite and popped constantly so not sure what's better.

EBF was much easier for me. And I don’t recognise the house bound, ill, stressed, no DH feeding the baby.

I worked full time and pumped so DH did feeds as well. It’s so much easier to whip out a bap in seconds and nurse with perfectly balanced, perfect temperature milk when they are fussy out and about than faff around with making sure a sterile bottle is handy, you have bottled water even then, the formula might be at an unpleasant temperature for baby…meanwhile baby is getting more and more distressed and might go into a full on wailing episode.

I also shed the baby weight by breastfeeding and it causes the uterus to contract faster so I wasn’t looking 7 months pregnant for more than a few weeks after childbirth.

Well they probably are, because the physical energy of producing milk, eating loads to sustain milk production, plus hours of sitting around bf, and being woken up often through the night, takes it's toll!!
But there are so many good reasons to bf, imo, it's worth it.

They all refuse the bottle. You just have to leave the house when the next feed is approaching and stay away. They will fuss but eventually take the bottle when they realise that’s the only option going. Do this a couple of times and they will accept the bottle whenever you’re not present. I was off on business trips when they were 3mos old. Husband and nursery used my freezer stash and I pumped and dumped to keep my supply up.

As I have done both I have some observations. Breastfeeding isn’t as convenient as some people suggest . It’s hard work and requires perseverance and cluster feeding is relentless and tiring . My baby had a good latch and I still found it challenging as it was just constant . People who breastfeed and don’t co sleep get very little sleep. However it is an amazing thing to do for your child and creates a close bond and for me a sense of pride . Bottle feeding I got so much more sleep cos it could be shared . Also my husband bonded earlier with my second cos he did a lot of the feeds at the start. I just think fed is best and it doesn’t really matter what you do in the end but breastfeeding is not a walk in the park for most people.

Personally I find EBF much easier. Purely for selfish reasons - little to no bottle washing, baby doesn't have to wait for a feed, can whip a boob out anywhere. Oh and no buying formula.

You hear a lot of negative stories online about both the birth itself and breastfeeding. Breastfeeding was pretty straightforward to me. It took 5 days for my milk to come in, and baby had to learn how to latch, however I was pretty relaxed and had no expectations that it would be a perfect system right away. But no cracking, no severe pain, no major issues here.

Also people say they lost weight quickly when they breastfed but I didn’t I was ferociously hungry all the time . Lost it quicker the time I bottle fed

Hi @ChristmasBaby2026 I think you are forgetting the longer term gains. Yes the first month or so can be harder/ sore with your first but I felt so much more confident out and about when I always had a supply of food for them ready to go, and a way to make them stop crying.

When I had fussy or sick infants who wouldn't settle I could put them on to feed on the sofa and they would drop off to sleep and I would finally get some peace and quiet. I couldn't imagine a bottle would do the same.

It suits some mums, but by no means all. "Whip out a boob".. no thanks.

I did it for a short spell for both of mine and recall the midwife telling me it’ll be easier when my “nipples toughen up”. I remember singing / humming to distract from the pain. Formula feeding was much simpler. A Perfect Prep and a Kendamil subscription was how I did it. No issues with constipation etc.

I’m sure breastfeeding gets easier with time but it was never going to be a long term option for me so no guilt here. Also avoided the when to wean off the breast dilemma that always seems to coincide with other milestones.

Isn't as convenient in your experience.

Please don't tell women you've never met how their experience was with their own babies. It's not cool.

I did. I was also ferociously hungry, but still managed to lose weight. My uterus shrank back to its original size within 10 days.

Past 6/8weeks breastfeeding is absolutely easier.

I hated being told told that with second and everone seemed to spout this it was real kick in the gut becuase it wasn't true.

I bf pfb for 13 months gave up as pg and she wasn't as keen. Second was bf till 20 months again pg when stopped. With first it was first few weeks we had problems - which without proper advice an onboard MW could have been very serious becuase my milk didn't come in when expected.

With second the feeding problems went well into month 3- 4 and there was no support - I felt I had to continue as bf eldest longer. In fact area I was in week 6-8 were when most mother started ff and stopped bf. I put myself under huge pressue and I do look back and wonder why - and past that it did settle down and we went till 20 months.

Honestly once they get to teen years you can't tell who was ff combined fed or bf. On a population level you can see differences in indiduals you can not.

You just have to weight up what's best for you and baby in the end - and that does include maternal mental health - however FF or BF maternal happiness is much wider issue than how baby is fed.

I've done both, first wouldnt latch so bottle fed after a few torturous weeks of trying, she had colic and was ill all the time between 6m-2 years old. I got so stressed as she cried a lot I found it hard to prepare and clean the bottles on top of everything else (looking back I think this was more mental health affecting me) This baby he went on like a dream (I never expected to BF I thought il try and then hospital will give me some free milk again lol) 17 months on we're still breastfeeding. He's rarely ill (my oldest started nursery at 1, he started at 10 months, just before) yes he picks up bits of colds but nothing thats caused him distressed. We had to go children's assessment at hospital a fair bit with my first. We've all had a vomitting bug months ago and the baby was the only one who didn't get it 😂 it's so easy to chill him out and settle him. I work 13 hour shifts he settles to sleep easy with dad (staying asleep is another issue, he does need me to fall back asleep in the night- we've had a couple of nights away since he was 9 months but it wasn't good for him or nanny lol. It really is lovely being able to feed him and I am glad I've done it!

I loathed the faff of combi-feeding with my first, constantly sterilising, pumping, prepping bottles etc. I was much happier ebf my second, but honestly it’s horses for courses, just do what’s right for you.

I enjoyed breastfeeding it made me feel closer to my babies, and it just felt so special. I also felt good knowing that I was doing the best I possibly could for them. It was easy, especially night feeds because I coslept and they latched on sideways and I went back to sleep. I don't understand why you wouldn't at least try, I think women who don't miss out. Plus it's meant to be about the baby, so unless you have problems I think it's selfish not to.

Breastfeeding in the early days is tough. It requires grit and determination but it does get much easier, the problem in the UK is by time it becomes easier and more convenient many women are having the start to thing about going back to work so need to think about pumping or formula.
It is obviously best for the baby, and that’s what get many women through- knowing they are making the best decision for their child.

I was much happier when I gave up breastfeeding, but that’s because it wasn’t successful for me, my baby had a tongue tie and I ended up with mastitis. I was in agony and exhausted. I ended up going to a breastfeeding clinic who were very helpful, but I was in too much pain to continue. I was like a different person when I started bottle feeding.

I lost weight and ate like a pig. Wasnt so quick with bottle fed.

You have the right to breastfeed in public. I was shamelessly doing it in M&S women’s knickers section, in restaurant booths, on park benches etc in 2001. Today is much better and more accepting. Plus my little one hated to have their head covered so no chance of a cloth over my shoulder to cover up. They do have nursing tops though that are like tank tops with a built in bra where a flap folds down so you’re never half naked with stretch mark belly spilling out.

Well that’s the next bit of breastfeeding that’s presented as an easy solution but for most absolutely godawful - pumping milk.

As if it’s not intense enough breastfeeding and managing all the night wakes etc - then having to also attach yourself to a pump… I found that so dreadful. I just decided mine was having formula when I wasn’t there (when I eventually got them on the bottle).