Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

Yeah, that’s not great for mums is it, can’t even have an evening out!

I don’t agree, after multiple children and multiple maternity leaves with antenatal groups there was always quite a clear distinction over the year between FF sleep and BF sleep in general.

Thats not true. Its down to the baby

My son is two next month, I chose to formula feed only and was so glad I did. I didn’t want to sacrifice my mental health and like you I know of many mums who have (and still do in many cases) a fussy baby who is the same at night too.

I hope you’re able to make a choice with yourself in mind however that may look, and please don’t let anybody discourage you from FF with judgement!

That wasn't really a priority for me. My first slept through from 8 months so I was able to go out then. The first months I socialised during the day if at all and evenings I was tired with a small baby.

I just find phrases like 'the breastfeeding is just so much easier crowd' quite goady to be honest.

It's a shame this can't be discussed without women slagging each other off.

I have seen the same 'going on and on' about FF.

With my last baby I had a marathon abroad and had to be away for nearly 48 hrs. I froze breastmilk and by the time I came back he had drunk it all. It was what he was getting. Whether he liked it or not. Bottle refusal only ever lasts so long. Babies don’t kill themselves refusing their normal food because the receptacle is different. I breastfed 5 babies and this held true for all of them. So that’s my experience.

I went out for dinner with DH and took the baby in the pram. Fed them before we left home and they slept in the pram. Only did it a couple of times but it was great. Aside from that, I didn’t have a desire to go out in the evenings anyway in the first few months.

Not something I experienced and I did both. I struggled a lot with my bottle fed first who projectile vomited most bottles (but no colic, no reflux etc etc) so you never knew how much he'd had or when he'd want more. The amount of different bottles we went through, it didn't really settle until solids and it was hard going. My other 2 were breast fed and pretty much without a hitch, much more settled, more sleep, easier nighttime feeds etc. I was definitely a happier and less stressed mum with my 2 breast fed babies and really wish I'd given it a go with my first.

I'm currently exclusively breastfeeding my 4th baby. It's definitely hard sometimes been the only one to feed him, end feeling touched out - particularly when he cluster feeds in the evening.

BUT I feel like I've had way more freedom to go out and about with each of my babies because I didn't have to worry about how many bottles to pack, carrying a big bag around. This was particularly the case travelling and flying which we have done a lot with our babies.

My sisters have formula fed their babies and it hasn't seemed to make a difference to their happiness, how relaxed their babies are, how well they sleep, how much their husbands help etc. It all seems about the same.

At the end of the day you have to do what works for your family. There are pros and cons to each type of feeding but nothing will be easy. Formula is nutritionally adequate as an alternative to breastmilk but doesn't have the same protective immunity qualities as breastmilk so that factored in my decision too

It sounds like you've already made up your mind because of your mum's experience of bottle feeding, and your mil's comments putting your back up.

I promise you, breast feeding is so much easier (once you've got the hang of it).
-It's much cheaper.

• you can't overfeed a bf baby, so you don't have to plan the amount of feeds. Wifh ff, you've got to plan and monitor how much they're getting.
• with ff, you have to plan leaving the house. You've got to think about keeping formula cool, having enough sterilised bottles.

-,bf provides instant comfort for the child, which makes parenting a baby much easier.

For me, the deciding factor was the evidence was the health benefits for the baby. For example, I have asthma. I was admitted to hospital a couple of times as a child. The asthma negatively impacted my childhood. I know an adult who died of an asthma attack in their 40s. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of asthma. I wanted to reduce the risk of asthma for them. There are so many health benefits.

I'm glad formula exists, for those who can't breastfeed.

I didn't go out as DD had some serious health issues that didn't resolve until she was three. We were backwards and forwards to the local children's hospital all the time.

IMHO I think you should approach this from the perspective of :
What is best for baby?

For babies it is biologically better to be breastfed. Any formula is always only a substitute for the best food available for your baby. According my doctor at the time: the longer you breast feed upto 6 months is best, ie. 3 months is better than 2, 2 better than 1, but 7 months or more does not give you more of an advantage than 6 months.

Now for the baby this decision can be life changing (allergies, ....). For you it is maybe 6 months to a year. The beginning can be very difficult, but if you two really get the hang of it, you might want to continue over the 1 year mark. Yes, breast feeding does impact you (you shouldn't drink alcohol, you might not want to have too much coffee, some medication shouldn't be taken when breastfeeding, ....), but again it is only 6-12 months of your life. This is nothing compared to the 20year+ of responsibility you get.
If you start breast feeding, you can always stop, however if you start with the bottle you cannot change your mind to then start breast feeding.

So I would advise to give it a go, and if it doesn't work out don't beat yourself up about it. Mixing breastfeeding and bottle often doesn't work.

Good luck and enjoy your baby (however you feed them)!

I ebf and after we got established over the first week I was absolutely away with it. No issues when out over making bottles, no time spent sterilising bottles.

All my female relatives breastfed their babies so it just seemed "the norm" to me. I imagine it depends a lot on your social circle and family.

I’d agree that a lot of women torture themselves over breastfeeding and feel awful about not continuing when they really shouldn’t. But I don’t think that translates to all formula feeding women being happier.

I’m very happy that we formula fed from birth as it made a lot of things easier and less stressful. But plenty of people I know didn’t have any issues breast feeding and were just as happy.

I don’t remember EBF mums being any happier or unhappier. There are advantages to bottle, breast and combination. The key is to do what works best for you. For me EBF was a no brainer, once established it gave me more freedom, was cheaper and my own health felt good, but I had a long mat leave, supportive partner. My DPs family were used to bottle fed babies who would go for sleepovers with close relatives and I know that they felt that I hogged my babies a bit as they stayed close to me for their first year.

I FF from birth and I agree.

Also, I never got out of bed to make a bottle in the night. Perfect prep machine upstairs as well as one downstairs.

If you buy enough bottles, you only need to sterilise them once a day. Didn’t find it to be a faff as they just went into the dishwasher with other things we’d be doing anyway.

If you are organised, FF is a piece of cake. I found it so incredibly easy.

Well I’ll just share my experience, but it’s different for everyone.

Baby one - was convinced I would BF. It was horrendous and I was beside myself. DH and my mum both said FF was way better than me hating motherhood. But it took a phone call from a good friend and proud bf’er of 3 kids to say to me “no, if it is this hard you stop! Motherhood is not meant to make you cry!” I stopped immediately (expressed another three months until my milk dried up). Baby was happy. I was happy.

Baby two - expressed for six months then went to FF. Brilliant.

I find breastfeeding makes parenting so much easier once you get through the first few months. The oxytocin you get is biologically designed to help recovery postpartum. Plus the magic ability to offer instant comfort and connection when your baby or toddler is upset is a super power. It’s been my favourite part of parenting.

You say at the cost of their wellbeing - having a baby at all is at the cost of your wellbeing, sleep, anxiety etc!
The parents with the chill baby probably just have a chill baby. I found being able to breastfeed allowed me to be lazy (as lazy as you can be with a baby) because I had a source of food and comfort literally at my fingertips.

The asthma argument always gets me, anecdotally anyway it didn’t make any difference in my family.

• My mum was exclusively breastfed, she has asthma.
• I was exclusively breastfed, I have asthma and a shit immune system.
• my sister was formula fed and does not have asthma
• my eldest who was combi fed from birth and formula fed from 5 months does not have asthma
• my youngest who was exclusively breastfed for 5 months and combi fed until 9 months has asthma

I think if your family has a history of asthma or allergies your chances of getting it are higher, breastfed or not.

At my 8 week booking appointment we went through the family history and as soon as the midwife heard asthma she said “oh you will have to breastfeed then!” And it totally got my back up (even though I planned to breastfeed!) so I understand where OP is coming from with regards to MIL.

The hardest thing about not breast feeding is the disappointment that you have haven't managed to do it, and judgement from others.
the best thing about formula feeding is that the sleep is better, don't care what anyone says the whole thing about that being a myth just isn't true.

I had my babies at the time Gina Ford was popular. However in my experience it was only a minority of Mums who used her method - MN was generally very anti Gina Ford. Her method worked for some people but don’t assume it was the norm.

Sleep isnt better with ff babies. Its down to the baby how well they sleep

Personally I found breastfeeding very difficult to get going in the first few weeks, but once we were away it was a godsend. I could just feed my baby to sleep anytime he was fussy and lay him down when he was done. And didn't have to take bottles around with us, in my opinion a lot of people seem to do the really difficult first few weeks then stop before it would have made life much easier for them.
But each to their own, no judgement.