Is it just me or do mums who don’t breast feed seem happier?

[ChristmasBaby2026]

As my username suggests I’m having a baby in December - my first one!

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting obviously and how we want to do things and I’ve been starting to feel like I don’t want to rely on breastfeeding which is at odds with everyone around me who seems to be exclusively breast feeding, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.

I’m happy to give it a go but I can’t see myself going to great lengths to make it happen if it isn’t easy. The mums I know who are EBF seem tired, stressed, housebound or chained to their baby and their babies seem a lot more fussy. Lots of worry about latch, sore nipples, engorged breasts and whether their baby is eating enough as well. Basically the whole thing seems like it is making early parenting miserable.

By contrast I had lunch with a friend who is exclusively formula feeding and everything seemed like so much less faff. Baby was chill, didn’t need constant feeding during lunch, husband is really involved and sharing feeds. They seemed so much happier!

I disagree, I was tired when BFing because I was having broken sleep during the night, not because I didn’t get support from my DH.

I also didn’t find BFing lead to more sleep than when I FF. Formula fed babies tend to sleep in longer stretches. Bottle feeding at night can be split and making a bottle takes almost no time.

This is a really loaded topic. Mums who breastfeed seem to feel the need to go on and on about the benefits 'BF babies have better immunity' 'bottles are such a faff' 'I had a much better bond due to bf'.

The reality is sometimes the choice is made for you. DD1 became dangerously underweight on bf, to the point she was admitted to hospital, and they said she had to go straight onto formula. She latched well, fed often (too often - was agony and exhausting but I persevered, I think due to societal pressure) but somehow couldn't absorb the nutrients from my milk. From her first bottle of specialist formula she was a much happier and more relaxed baby. DD2 latched for a first feed soon after born, then stubbornly refused to latch again - several midwives came to try to help fir first couple days, but she just wouldn't latch and they worried about her becoming dehydrated and advised to bottle feed. After my experiences with DD1 I wasn't risking same thing and went straight to bottle.

So my personal experience is that bottle feeding was easier, better and healthier for my girls. Someone else will have a totally different experience. Be guided by your baby, your intuition and try to ignore what everyone else says

I ff both of mine and don't regret anything, it really isn't a faff to put bottles into a steriliser or a faff to make them up, it's less than 10 minutes out of your day.

I know it's not the modern day advice but either dh or I used to make up a days worth, put them in the fridge then microwave them for 20 seconds, give them a shake and ready to go.

It meant we could take turns with the night feeds, it was easy to feed them on days out and neither of us ever felt tired from being up for long in the night.

My memory from the early days being around friends who were breastfeeding is of them being knackered from cluster feeding or in pain then as the kids got older they'd have them climbing all over them trying to get to the breast.
They all just seemed to be much more stressed than the ones who were bottle feeding.
No doubt though they had opinions of those of us who were ff'ing, each method will have it's pros and cons but for me the only downside was the fact I had to pay for the formula whereas bf is free.

I did feel pressure though from the bf community, only online not in real life, I was worried my dd's wouldn't be as bright or would have weaker immune systems etc
They've both turned it just fine though, neither have allergies or illnesses beyond the occasional cold and are both very academic.

I think happier depends a lot more on the support you have and accepting that there will be difficulties rather than how you feed. There are going to be hard times and easy times regardless of how you feed.

The 'so much pressure...to do' wasn't my experience when my kids were young babies. My husband did pretty much everything other than the feeding in the early weeks. I never 'tied myself in knots', I was sitting on a couch with a wrap round pillow, breastfeeding as needed, walking with baby in a sling as I felt up to do so, practicing breastfeeding laying down with a side cot. I fondly remember my first night from hospital with my oldest - my husband had taken our son for a walk around the house so I could eat in peace, and I found them later upstairs with my husband singing to him while changing the baby's nappy. It was lovely, and could have happened no matter how the baby was being fed. That's the kind of support that leads to happier mothers, what makes things easier to having breathing space at times and support from another, not thinking one route or another is going to somehow be easy - there is no easy in this, only easier for you and the baby which involves variables beyond calculation.

I get the remarks from MIL putting your back up. My experience was the opposite with my first - any mention was breastfeeding, and she would feel the need to qualify it with 'if you are able to' or similar. My mother openly expressed that she viewed breasfeeding disgusting, as did some of the other mothers I was around including remarks about how after a certain point, it was for the mother's sexual pleasure. When I was in hospital, I had a midwife go on at me being the only one there breastfeeding, how I didn't need to do so, and demanded a blood sugar heel prick test to ensure he was eating properly because she didn't think someone like me (young mother) could do it. Was part of my breastfeeding with my first down to stubbornness, maybe, but the only people tying themselves in knots and being unhappy where the ones trying to convince me that I couldn't and shouldn't do something different to them. I ended up breastfeeding four kids to at least 18 months, now with kids 15-22, I'm glad I didn't get discouraged, while also knowing it's a dot in grand scheme of things and the main thing that got us all through was the workload being shared between their father and I, not how they were fed.

I breastfed all mine except my 4th who couldn't. Personally I found breastfeeding so much easier but its a very individual choice.

I breastfed all five if my children. Mostly unproblematic. My youngest son however didn't thrive at first and we had to introduce mixed feeding. Looking back I am not surprised I didn't have enough milk - in was bullied at work during his pregnancy, our housing situation was difficult, I was thin and tired ....
I spent alot of time around a group of women who made it clear you breastfed babies. Interestingly these were not my family members but other women I was living with at the time. I was dead set on it and quite rigid in my outlook and beliefs.
The trouble with breastfeeding is that there is pressure to do it and it is tied up with being a committed mum etc. Putting lots of pressure on women which sets up misery and guilt when it is hard. Which it can be , more so at the beginning.
Breastfed babies often wake at night for longer too. Which isn't necessarily a problem. But does mean that night feeding cannot be shared.
Bottle fed babies do just fine. Happy mum happy baby. I wish women could just feel free to do what works best for them.

YABU

I’d say it was the opposite, which is why so many women feel like failures when they’re struggling to BF.

For me, I wish I formula fed way sooner.

I would always try and BF for the first couple of months and do judge mothers who don’t even try and give their babies a couple days of colostrum/milk but I wouldn’t feel guilty if I then went on to formula feed.

It’s just you. Breast feeding mums don’t feel the need to spend time justifying their choice.

I had completely the opposite experience! FF takes so much planning, washing, sterilising, etc so you are pretty chained to home for that. And it's expensive! So expensive.

On the other hand I BF all my DC and it means you can be spontaneous - stay out hours longer than you planned, you can't run out of food. I did a spontaneous overnight with friends when my train home got cancelled with a 3 month old DC and no stressing about feeding or getting formula late at night.

I also did quite a lot of travel to see family in my home country when I just had one DC and you don't need to worry about bringing enough formula or having to change brands abroad etc.

I think this is the biggest take away.

it’s what we were designed to do. It can’t be that bloody hard otherwise our species would’ve died out. It’s only a massive thing now in the UK and US because a small handful of companies are making billions out of it. You can’t monetise human milk in the same way.

In the end you do what works for you. Your baby. Your body. Your choice. But ff is definitely not the easier option. And it’s bloody expensive.

Its just you

I had one BF, and one non-BF after the first four weeks because my mastitis was constant and unbearable. If anything the non-BF has been much more successful in life than the BF, and with better teeth. But shorter.

Do what makes you happy.

YABVU - or purposely goady. Assuming you’re asking in good faith, I’ve always found breastfeeding mums to be happier, if we have to choose one. I think this is for a few reasons: it’s easier, it’s simpler, breastfeeding releases happy, chilled hormones, to give just a few reasons.

It’s better for baby, of course, but also I think it’s a very good choice for mums. There’s zero faffing with bottles, no sterilising, always available, etc. There are also very good health reasons to breastfeed - for both mum and baby.

What I have found is that there’s a not insignificant number of women who fuck with breastfeeding mums’ heads when they’re at their most vulnerable. You can see it all the time here. I presume those women are motivated by jealousy, consciously or subconsciously. I had the misfortune to meet a number of them when I had my second baby. I found it really disturbing.

The hardest part of having a baby isn’t the feeding. It’s the massive change to your life. Some babies also cry more and sleep less than the baby books would have you imagine. Babies don’t ’switch off’ when you’re tired or ill. It’s hard to imagine until you have a baby.

Thats your opinion. I was so happy to stop making bottles and it took longer than that.

I was very depressed whilst breastfeeding and felt better when I stopped. Some friends have found it wonderful though.
if I’m lucky enough to have another I would combi feed from the beginning.

This was my experience with FF too. Subsequently, I enjoyed the newborn stage (after a difficult pregnancy) and could share the load with DH. Sterilising bottles was no faff at all. I did them all in the morning ready for the day, and DS would happily take little bottles of ready-made formula at room temperature for his night feed.

How they sleep isnt down to how they feed. My breastfed baby slept better than my ff baby

I FF my DD from two days old. I’m glad I did. I think I would have lost my mind and sanity if I’d breastfed.

I was at a high risk of PND/PPD and I think being the sole source of nutrition for DD would have done a serious mindfuck on me. It was fucking glorious to be able to head to bed and know that DH would give DD her first bottle of the night while I slept for about 6 hours uninterrupted. She was happy to be fed by either of us. After that bottle he’d go to bed and get about 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I’d take over again at the second bottle. I have a health condition that means that I have to get a decent amount of sleep. We didn’t co-sleep with DD ever and wouldn’t have even if I’d breastfed. Too dangerous.

Making bottles and going out with formula isn’t any sort of faff at all. It’s easy once you work out the system that works for you. I didn’t do the thing of only adding formula powder to boiling water. Guess I missed that on the instructions on the tin. I didn’t sterilise the bottles and teats either. It’s unnecessary if you do a good thorough hot soapy wash removing all traces of milk, do a hot rinse and leave them to air dry.

I’d pre-boil water, let it cool and use it over a 24 hour period. I’d put the water into the bottle, heat it in the microwave to the right temp, add powder, shake, check temp and feed baby. Easy. When going out I’d heat the water in the bottles in the microwave until hotter than DD preferred, then heat a gel pack in the microwave until hot, and put them all into an insulated bottle bag. DD was very consistent about the time when she had her feeds so that made it easier. The water would be the right temp by the time she was hungry. If too warm I’d put the bottle under a running tap to cool it down. Formula powder was pre-measured into a formula dispenser container so I just had to tip it into the bottle, shake, check temp and feed. Took about 1 minute to do. Easy as fuck.

Feed your baby however you want OP. As long as it’s breastmilk or formula and no weird homemade concoction it will be fine. Your baby will grow.

Nobody will give a single fuck about how you fed your baby by the time she starts school.

Also this.

Well said! I think there’s been a big drive to complicate breastfeeding and dissuade women from doing it or convince them they’re going to fail. Of course, there are a small number of women who can’t breastfeed or who have to give up, but the majority of women can feed ok. Formula milk companies monetise women’s insecurities.

Bottle feeding was an absolute pain in the arse! Breast feeding (once it's established) is so much easier! I also pumped for times when DH, GPs needed to feed them.

I did mixed feeding with first and just breast with second.
Advantages of breast feeding for me
Easy night feeding - literally get baby from bedside cot, roll over to face away from cot, open light weight dressing gown I wore in bed and feed, roll to feed other side and slide back. Half way I might change the nappy.
No concerns about food safety -Always had food when out, no worrying about keeping things at the right temperature or warming up.
Immunity - My older son had chicken pox and the younger one didn't get it as had my immunity from my milk and when he did get it at 6 months had 2 spots and he was hardly ill. Breast milk is fantastic stuff.
Yes it's tiring but your husband can nappy change, cook, clean, bath baby, read to baby, make their bed and entertain them. You can also express milk or mix feed for night time if you're struggling.
Advantages to you as a mum is breastfeeding can reduce your risk of cancer, breast and ovarian as well as type 2 diabetes and heart disease.
Advantages for babies health is well documented and the list is long Benefits
Get yourself a big scarf, and breastfeed at playgroup to get used to doing it in public. No-one will notice is you use a scarf. Once you get over the first few weeks you'll find it so much easier than you imagined.
I'd give it a go for the first 8 weeks and see how you do. I did this a managed nearly a year for both children but even if you do it for a few months it's a wonderful gift to your child and yourself.

Breastfed, found it easier. Found holidays a lot easier and used maternity leave to visit friends and family overseas. Very involved father who did a lot, I just had feeding to ‘worry’ about.

Having done both I found breastfeeding much easier than bottle feeding once I got over the initial hurdles.

No washing and sterilising bottles, no heating the milk to the right temperature and it was free.

For the ‘breastfeeding is just so much easier’ crowed (and I breastfed mine until a year old..!).

What about it you wanted to go somewhere? A dinner, for example? I found my breastfed baby wouldn’t take a bottle and so I had to be there for bed time / resettling (to a degree) and back in time for a late night feed.

I personally found that exhausting in the first 6 months or so. I was desperate for a bit of freedom.