AIBU to feel uneasy about mothers leaving successful careers?

[Toodledootwo]

All my friends are quitting their successful career jobs after having children. They all seem to be throwing their hands in the air saying what’s the point. Is there a revolt happening against women working? It seems we were encouraged to get to work and be independent….but when becoming a mother….still be that mother, still be that provider till burn out?

No, it just gets more expensive.
The cost of attending a few kids parties and a cheap present is nothing compared to the cost of a teenager.

How patronising.

No, just true. You yourself said you should be able to challenge things without people getting defensive. There are loads of things you can stop spending money on that you then realise are not essential to a happy life.

Before I resigned, I treated myself to nails and eyelashes every few weeks, 3 holidays abroad every year. Did I really need or have I missed that stuff? No. Others might miss it, but then yes, you will need 2 incomes to keep sustaining it. Up to the individual.

But it is patronising to suggest people haven’t thought of this already.
You talk like you’re the only one who has thought of this and that people are struggling financially because they’re too stupid to budget effectively.

High interest rate? What high interest rate? It's about 4% isn't it.

Compared to the 7.5% on my first 2 properties

That was not my intention. I am personally fed up of assumptions about all SAHPs have a spouse who earns 100K+, which I have read many comments on here alluding to. Some people do genuinely believe this is impossible unless you have a wealthy other half. Yes, some do, but plenty don’t, and they manage.

It’s higher than the 1.79 % I was on previously 🤷‍♀️
Its closer to 5% now

I think in the current financial climate a family of 4 with mortgage or rent to pay are likely to find it challenging to live on a single income of £35k.
You’ve obviously found a way to make it work but I know families where their mortgage/rent would wipe out more than 50% of that take home pay and they’re living in 2 bed houses and have zero disposable income. They’re struggling to buy essentials and have no luxuries to cut back.
To suggest that a family just need to stop paying for luxuries and then they too would be able to live off £35k is in poor taste.

But that was exceptionally low.Unfortunately many people made the mistake of borrowing to the hilt on an unsustainable rate instead of working out what they could afford at a much higher rate.

When I bought my places it was nearly 8% but I did work out that I could " manage" to still pay it if it rose to 12% so bought a much cheaper place that I could've

Look at the graph which shows 40 years of interest rates

@Timeforachange26

The financial pressure is multifactorial and unprecedented

Increased interest rates,reduced lending, persistent credit rules changing, natural disasters/ brexit/ the weather/ Ukraine war, redundancies, wage stagnation, AI and catastrophic rises in food and utility prices

Part of mortgage applications is stress testing ability to pay at various higher interest points
Of course some people were financially unwise but turning this into greedy WOHP over borrowing is quite a stretch

Im not sure what the point of banging on about living happily on a single wage is, particularily if you paid your mortgage off a few years ago @ThankYouNigel

Ive been mortgage free since my 40s precisely because we had 2 salaries coming in but mainly because we bought years ago

Its so variable depending on where you live in the UK

Some what obtuse to keep going on about it when many mortgages have doubled, food, fuel and utilities have rocketed in the past 3 years
Blaming women for WOH because they are supposedly crap with money is a low and ignorant blow

Lets say we all SAH tomorrow, the impact would halt the country
No doubt you would be somewhat annoyed at the lack of dentists, GPs, teachers, shop workers, nurses, insert job here ?

Theres not a chance I would have left my career/ pension behind, I worked hard for it.
I also like a decent quality of life, so shoot me
My DC always had a parent here or picking them up from school , no childcare
If thats what you want and have to SAH to achieve it -fine
If you prefer to WOH and use childcare -fine

Most parents are doing their best with what they have available to them at the time

Ok so I live in the south East. Commuter town to Liverpool Street. And there were people stretching at 1.5 or% to buy bigger houses that they couldn't have afforded at 8,%

Do you not think the 15% mortgage rates were unprecedented also at their time?
Where am I banging on about living comfortably one one income??

Where am I banging on about living comfortably one one income??

If you read again you will see I tagged @ThankYouNigel not you in that reference

Edit
15% interest rates were brief -several days in the 1990s I was there
Houses were much less, wages worth more

We simply did not have the financial battering from all sides that we have now

15% lasted long enough. It was awful. Plus at the time most woman had to be sahm as limited or no maternity leave and no nurseries.

I don’t know anyone who had a decent career and gave it all up to be a SAHP. They took mat leave and that was it. I certainly don’t see anyone coming into a professional role after having such a huge gap.

That's all very fine & dandy but MN is littered with posts from women who's husbands have let them down in one way or another. I don't know about 'high flying career' but certainly a job & money of their own is essential. I will never forget the lady who's husband died & left her in a disastrous mess because he had never 'allowed' her to work or take any part in their finances. He gave her housekeeping & that was the limit. They weren't rich so he didn't leave her anything. I don't know what happened in the end but my mother was appalled at how clueless she was about basic bill paying. This was years ago tbf but I would never have wanted to be like that & thank goodness! because I managed to pick a couple of duds before I realised men weren't worth all the bother.
I'm not criticising anyone who's made it work - good for you! but a good marriage etc is very, very far from guaranteed & women must be able look after themselves, first & foremost.

Absolutely! Many women aren’t able to think beyond their current situation so when things change, they end up with a lot of issues.

Yes I said women because most men seem capable of protecting themselves in the event of a break up

I think you are thinking of the decade long high interest rates -11-17% in the 1970s plus the childcare situation then
It was days in the 90s at 15%
In 1994 I had my first child
I had 9 weeks full pay 9 weeks half pay and took the rest unpaid covered with savings
A full year plus 7 weeks leave on top
Pretty much all my friends took mat leave

I had my 1st child in 91. Think was16 or 18 weeks ML. She was born a fortnight late so I was back at work when she was 13 weeks old

Not all wages were worth far more I was earning £3 odd an hour then.i think. Anyway I took home £119 or £150 a week depending on shift allowance.

What I meant -your £3 per hour then got you more than £3 now
The actual value of the wage has dropped massively since 2008 crash due to inflation

Are people really not aware of this?

Yes but the £3 and hour is equivalent to £16 an hour now in same Job

Mortgage rates were in double figures until 1991 but helped as we got tax relief on mortgage interest. Admittedly house prices were lower and only allowed to borrow 3.5 x one person salary and 1 x the second.
My eldest was born in early 80's and I was basically bullied into resigning so got about eight weeks of maternity allowance from government (nothing from employer). It was lonely as no internet to find out what groups were available to go with a baby. It was hard.

Work is shit and the pay is shit, kids are lovely. Obvious really.

Absolutely no way we could survive on £35,000 a year as a family of 4 with mortgage payments. However if we had paid off the mortgage / we were funded by family then I guess we could. There are just so many bills now- income comes in and then just shoots straight out again!

Yeah but I wouldn’t want my dc growing up on the edge of poverty because I don’t think I have the capacity to bring them up and work in a job - it’s nuts! I’m a high earner and I budget because everything costs a fortune - shopping at Aldi and using cashback rewards barely touches the sides these days.

Even if for whatever reason it was impossible to work a 9-5 and bring up school aged dc becuse there was absolutely no suitable wrap around childcare I would be doing self employment or shifts around my dh’s £35k a year job. I left teaching a decade ago and I earned more than that so I am not sure if that salary is entirely accurate tbh. Just to say if your dc have SEN and it isn’t possible to leave them with anyone other than yourself then I understand it is making the best of a very difficult situation.