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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?

438 replies

Peedoffdoesntcutit · 21/08/2026 19:59

To be pissed off with my husband. I said how upset I am that the child abuse and rape leaflet from the government is judged as necessary and we are continuing to let these men into our country who pose a threat to women. He just shrugged - I said doesn’t it bother you these men are coming into our society. We have daughters , I am a woman. I absolutely do not feel safe anymore where we live and would not walk on my own anymore. He said no not really. Absolutely furious with him. Does he not have to care as he’s a big tall man? I’m so pissed off, I’ve walked off and he’s given me the ick.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 19:21

Out of the 8 women killed in Ireland this year up to July 26, one was killed by an Irish man, so it worked out at 85% fir a foreign national.

The media fell over themselves to point out that these men were mostly known to these women, the young mother from Iran who had her throat slashed by her ex Husband, the refugee Volunteer who fell in love with an immigrant, Jamey Carney, found with her head caved in, BUT they knew him. Do you get it???

Marroon · 22/08/2026 19:29

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 19:21

Out of the 8 women killed in Ireland this year up to July 26, one was killed by an Irish man, so it worked out at 85% fir a foreign national.

The media fell over themselves to point out that these men were mostly known to these women, the young mother from Iran who had her throat slashed by her ex Husband, the refugee Volunteer who fell in love with an immigrant, Jamey Carney, found with her head caved in, BUT they knew him. Do you get it???

Do you realise this is a fake statistic circulated on FB that you’re parroting on as facts?
Feel free to back it up with evidence.

EasternStandard · 22/08/2026 19:32

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 17:03

I’m shocked at people on this thread, like, don’t any of you do any research before forming your views? Or do they just sound nice, soft and fluffy in your head.

Boat crossings account for 90% of illegal migration to the UK. The top 5 nationalities for these crossings are Eritrean, Afghan, Sudanese, Iranian, and Somali.

Now, do yourself a favour and go have a look at how women are treated from those countries. Then come back and try and explain how it’s just the same as the UK 🙄 ….

Yep

BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 19:33

Marroon · 22/08/2026 19:29

Do you realise this is a fake statistic circulated on FB that you’re parroting on as facts?
Feel free to back it up with evidence.

Thank you for pointing that out. How awful that pp is spreading disinformation. Isn't that against MN rules?

BoredZelda · 22/08/2026 19:35

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 16:14

Your argument isn’t relevant to OP’s point, and it’s also inaccurate. The point isn’t that white, British men don’t commit crime …. The point is that undocumented immigration from countries that have horrific cultural beliefs about women, increases the risk to women in the UK.

(and when I say horrific - I mean horrific! When was the last time you saw a legal public stoning, hanging or rape of a woman in the UK?)

Here are some actual facts for everyone:

  • Small boat crossings and illeagal migration started to climb on a major level in 2015/16.
  • For the same period (after remaining relatively flat since 2002) rape and sexual offences also began to grow in the UK from 2015/16.
  • Total small boat arrivals skyrocketed from 8,400 in 2020, to over 28,500 in 2021 … guess what else reached an all time high in 2021? Between April and June 2021, police recorded 17,285 rape offenses—the highest single quarterly figure documented up to that point.

You really don’t need to look very hard to see the undeniable fact that importing undocumented, young men from backgrounds that despise women (many of whom have criminal backgrounds, and have committed crimes to get here) - leads to a greater risk to women’s safety.

I mean, just a few brain cells would allow you to realise it!

It also doesn’t take many brain cells to realise correlation and causation are different things. For example, the reduction of violent crime in the US correlates with the reduction in cottage cheese consumption. You think they are linked?

The ONS when issuing the figures cautioned that the rise in reporting does not mean there is a rise in incidences. You know what else happened in March of 2021? The horrific rape and murder of Sarah Everard. Do you think it is likely that this high profile case, and the discourse that surrounded it might have led to more women being emboldened to come forward and report their sexual assaults. Women can take months or years to report as there is no statute of limitations. Do you think it’s possible that a number of those women reporting between April and June 2021 were bringing cases that had happened in previous years?

Rape Crisis have done the research as to why there was a jump in numbers. It’s worth a look, but I warn you, there is absolutely nothing they have found which suggests immigration is a problem so you won’t like it. Unless you want to suggest that an independent charity set up to protect women and girls would ignore that data, which would really thwart their efforts.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/news/32-percent-jump-in-annual-number-of-reported-sexual-offences/

What the 32% jump in number of reported sexual offences really means

It's really important to properly unpack official data on rape and other sexual offences.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/news/32-percent-jump-in-annual-number-of-reported-sexual-offences/

BoredZelda · 22/08/2026 19:42

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 19:17

Yes, we all notice it too, the absolute glee from the left, it isn’t any different than the other side at all.
The absolute glee when the London railway stabber man although black had an English name.
The government wiped their brows of sweat, grateful it was not an immigrant, no blood on their hands, how sad is that? That’s where we’re at. Everyone saving their own arse, instead of dealing with violence and rape for years, they’re allowing 100,000’s more men in.

Glee? Is that how you see it? I don’t think either side is acting with glee over the rape of women. I see it as weaponisation v combating of misinformation. I don’t think any government official, politician or any other official would be grateful when considering someone being killed and injured.

EasternStandard · 22/08/2026 19:42

BoredZelda · 22/08/2026 19:35

It also doesn’t take many brain cells to realise correlation and causation are different things. For example, the reduction of violent crime in the US correlates with the reduction in cottage cheese consumption. You think they are linked?

The ONS when issuing the figures cautioned that the rise in reporting does not mean there is a rise in incidences. You know what else happened in March of 2021? The horrific rape and murder of Sarah Everard. Do you think it is likely that this high profile case, and the discourse that surrounded it might have led to more women being emboldened to come forward and report their sexual assaults. Women can take months or years to report as there is no statute of limitations. Do you think it’s possible that a number of those women reporting between April and June 2021 were bringing cases that had happened in previous years?

Rape Crisis have done the research as to why there was a jump in numbers. It’s worth a look, but I warn you, there is absolutely nothing they have found which suggests immigration is a problem so you won’t like it. Unless you want to suggest that an independent charity set up to protect women and girls would ignore that data, which would really thwart their efforts.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/news/32-percent-jump-in-annual-number-of-reported-sexual-offences/

Victims do exist so why ignore them?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 19:45

BoredZelda · 22/08/2026 19:42

Glee? Is that how you see it? I don’t think either side is acting with glee over the rape of women. I see it as weaponisation v combating of misinformation. I don’t think any government official, politician or any other official would be grateful when considering someone being killed and injured.

I am not sure anymore what the motivation is.

GiaGia16 · 22/08/2026 19:46

It’s all totally unconvincing

EasternStandard · 22/08/2026 19:47

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 19:45

I am not sure anymore what the motivation is.

Same

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 19:49

BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 19:33

Thank you for pointing that out. How awful that pp is spreading disinformation. Isn't that against MN rules?

I have just checked the names and nationalities of the women murdered since January. One was killed by two women, one was horrendously killed by an Irish man in Co Waterford, a horrendous attack. The other 6 including the Brazilian lady yesterday were murdered by non Irish.
Lastly one is questionable as Nora aged 54, man 40’s arrested but he hasn’t been identified.
So it’s not misinformation.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 19:57

Marroon · 22/08/2026 19:29

Do you realise this is a fake statistic circulated on FB that you’re parroting on as facts?
Feel free to back it up with evidence.

You can look at the names yourself it is not a long list. Too long for women’s lives but not too long to read.

Marroon · 22/08/2026 19:59

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 19:49

I have just checked the names and nationalities of the women murdered since January. One was killed by two women, one was horrendously killed by an Irish man in Co Waterford, a horrendous attack. The other 6 including the Brazilian lady yesterday were murdered by non Irish.
Lastly one is questionable as Nora aged 54, man 40’s arrested but he hasn’t been identified.
So it’s not misinformation.

factcheckni.org/articles/femicide-in-ireland-were-85-of-women-murdered-this-year-killed-by-foreign-migrants/

Looking first at the Republic of Ireland, eight women had been killed in violent circumstances during 2026 at the time the claim was made.
Of those eight cases:

  • one had no publicly identified suspect;
  • one involved two juvenile female suspects whose identities are legally protected;
  • one involved a suspect reported as Irish;
  • one involved a man wanted by Gardaí but not charged in Ireland;
  • four involved suspects publicly reported as non-Irish nationals.

So at a maximum 4 out of 8 women were murdered by non Irish nationals of non disclosed citizenship or status. That isn’t 85% whatever way you count it up.

Nuthatch26 · 22/08/2026 20:15

Why are so many posters coming out to bat for these men at the expense of women and girls? It beggars belief.

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 20:21

BoredZelda · 22/08/2026 18:38

Of course boat crossings account for 90% of irregular entry. We’re a fucking island. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Prior to boats, they largely entered on HGVs on ferries. But that is much easier to control now with better technology for checking which is why only a small percentage enter that way.

You talk about how countries treat women but want to ignore the way our own culture treats women. Why would that be?

Isn’t it funny how you just pick and choose tiny bits from people’s posts, and twist them to fit your narrative. My post was in response to someone asking about nationalities, so I gave the stats of nationalities on boat crossings as they make up the largest majority (as you’ve agreed with 😂)

Can you provide me an exact quote where I’ve said that I want to ignore issues with UK born men? Didn’t think so! You can absolutely detest both UK born men who commit rape, and asylum seekers who commit rape.

I’d argue you’re the one inferring that it’s totally fine for asylum seekers to hate women and commit rape, because UK men do it too. Can you hear how wild that is?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 20:21
  • one had no publicly identified suspect;

okay. That’s one, no
idenity.

  • one involved two juvenile female suspects whose identities are legally protected;

A mother and daughter from the travelling community, daughter identify protected, Scarlett was killed by women so not counted as foreign men or any man.

  • one involved a suspect reported as Irish;

which one? The Waterford elderly lady, yes he’s Irish.

  • one involved a man wanted by Gardaí but not charged in Ireland;

he’s from Lebanon and flew back to Turkey, he’s been charged in Lebanon.

  • four involved suspects publicly reported as non-Irish nationals.

That’s 5, 6 including the lady from limerick yesterday.

8 killed.
1 by women.
5 by foreign men.
1 unconfirmed identity.
1 confirmed Irish man.

Marroon · 22/08/2026 20:27

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 20:21

  • one had no publicly identified suspect;

okay. That’s one, no
idenity.

  • one involved two juvenile female suspects whose identities are legally protected;

A mother and daughter from the travelling community, daughter identify protected, Scarlett was killed by women so not counted as foreign men or any man.

  • one involved a suspect reported as Irish;

which one? The Waterford elderly lady, yes he’s Irish.

  • one involved a man wanted by Gardaí but not charged in Ireland;

he’s from Lebanon and flew back to Turkey, he’s been charged in Lebanon.

  • four involved suspects publicly reported as non-Irish nationals.

That’s 5, 6 including the lady from limerick yesterday.

8 killed.
1 by women.
5 by foreign men.
1 unconfirmed identity.
1 confirmed Irish man.

Edited

You’re misreading, 4 non national suspects, only 3 charged at the time of the article with one still a suspect not charged.

So 3 or 4 which as I said is not at all 85% whatever way you look at it.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 20:30

Marroon · 22/08/2026 20:27

You’re misreading, 4 non national suspects, only 3 charged at the time of the article with one still a suspect not charged.

So 3 or 4 which as I said is not at all 85% whatever way you look at it.

7 women killed by men, 5 not Irish, 1 unidentified. 1 Irish.

The Iranian man will never be charged as he killed himself after he killed his estranged wife.

EasternStandard · 22/08/2026 20:34

Nuthatch26 · 22/08/2026 20:15

Why are so many posters coming out to bat for these men at the expense of women and girls? It beggars belief.

It really does

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 20:35

BoredZelda · 22/08/2026 19:35

It also doesn’t take many brain cells to realise correlation and causation are different things. For example, the reduction of violent crime in the US correlates with the reduction in cottage cheese consumption. You think they are linked?

The ONS when issuing the figures cautioned that the rise in reporting does not mean there is a rise in incidences. You know what else happened in March of 2021? The horrific rape and murder of Sarah Everard. Do you think it is likely that this high profile case, and the discourse that surrounded it might have led to more women being emboldened to come forward and report their sexual assaults. Women can take months or years to report as there is no statute of limitations. Do you think it’s possible that a number of those women reporting between April and June 2021 were bringing cases that had happened in previous years?

Rape Crisis have done the research as to why there was a jump in numbers. It’s worth a look, but I warn you, there is absolutely nothing they have found which suggests immigration is a problem so you won’t like it. Unless you want to suggest that an independent charity set up to protect women and girls would ignore that data, which would really thwart their efforts.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/news/32-percent-jump-in-annual-number-of-reported-sexual-offences/

You can’t be this silly, surely? Have you actually read this yourself? 😂 The very webpage you’ve linked highlights that there are likely MORE offences that took place, not less.

  • “It’s really important to note that it is the number of sexual offences recorded by police that has increased by 32% for the year ending March 2022, not the number of sexual offences perpetrated overall. This distinction is important because we know that the vast majority of victims and survivors of sexual violence never report what happened to them to the police” - Do you understand what this means? They mean that the actual number of offences will be HIGHER!
  • “this may reflect ‘a number of factors, including the impact of high-profile incidents, media coverage, and campaigns on people’s willingness to report incidents to the police, as well as a potential increase in the number of victims’” Do I need to shout it louder for you to hear. The ONS and Rape Crisis highlight some increase in willingness, AS WELL AS POTENTIAL INCREASE IN VICTIMS.

Not quite fitting YOUR agenda at all is it?

Naunet · 22/08/2026 20:35

rivalsbinge · 22/08/2026 19:06

That argument never fails to amuse me, we do indeed have a rape issue with our own men so why the actual f* does our government seem hell bent on importing more.

OP that would upset me as well, luckily my DH understands and has empathy for how women are being treated by this government.

Well the thought process seems to be that as some British men rape, its only fair to let the rest of the world have a chance too, and if women object, they are of course racist.

thisgirlwantsmore · 22/08/2026 21:11

hugasaurus · 21/08/2026 20:30

People are so worried about being branded racist that they are failing to grasp some of it I think. Look at the statistics Denmark keep about sexual offences perpetrated by non-Western men. They keep and publish them. Even with the limited statistics we keep in the UK, we know Afghan nationals for example are anywhere from 3-15 times more likely to commit sexual offences.

Some countries we accept male asylum seekers from have very deep-rooted and dangerous cultural attitudes towards women and girls, which includes sexual violence. It’s normalised to such an extent in some places that they will carry sexual attacks out in groups, because it’s a shared cultural attitude.

Of course Britain has plenty of rapists and sex offenders, but rape being a bad thing is part of the national conversation and culture in a way it isn’t in some other countries. Try get on public transport as a woman in some parts of India, it’s not just one man trying to grab you, it’s dozens.

Some of the young men coming to claim asylum are from cultures where rape, sexual assault, touching, kissing etc random women is accepted behaviour. It does a disservice to women of those countries to claim the UK is ‘just as bad’.

This 👆

thisgirlwantsmore · 22/08/2026 21:23

WorkHardPlay · 21/08/2026 22:45

I’m genuinely stunned at how ill informed so many of the comments are here. Here are some facts, for everyone who is committed to virtue signals to feel good about themselves whilst being completely wrong. Please, please do yourselves a favour and educate yourselves!

  1. We DO have a safe culture for women in the UK, equal rights, and laws that protect us. That doesn’t mean that no British man abuses women, is misogynistic or commits rape, but they do so knowing it’s against the law. It’s completely different from other cultures where it’s legal to rape, where its legal to have sex with children, where women are legally viewed as less than men. Acting like the majority of British men are rapists, abusers and misogynists is just complete fabrication. In other cultures, it is the majority, it is their social norm!!!!!!
  2. The UK does not routinely track or document the immigration status of criminal offences. This means it is not possible to track the crime or conviction rates for asylum seekers. This is a danger in itself, as currently the UK has no way of tracking the impact of asylum seekers on crime rates.
  3. The UK does track ethnicity and nationality however, and that shows that Afghan nationals have a disproportionately higher per capita rate of sexual offences compared to the UK-born population. It’s so incredibly dumb to say more British men commit crime or sexual offences (you’re talking about absolute numbers, and they’re the majority of the population). If you look at the fact that Afghan men are a tiny percentage of the UK (but over 60% of those on small boats) alongside their crime rate per capita, you’ll realise that there is a real threat and risk. You people really need to understand the difference between total numbers and per capita!
Edited

Brilliant post

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 22/08/2026 21:28

BoredZelda · 22/08/2026 18:40

IME, these Facebook posts are usually followed up by a police statement that completely debunks them.

No it’s the son posting and he is understandably raging.
Are you calling the son a liar.

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 22/08/2026 21:29

BoredZelda · 22/08/2026 18:57

It isn’t about “running out of space” It’s because the other available accommodation (ex-hotels) have become a powder keg. The ex hotels they used tended to be in less well off areas because these were hotels which were not really profitable businesses so Boris’ buddies bought them up and offered them to him at a hugely inflated price. We have one locally that was always an absolute dump the guy who owned it made a fortune by partnering with Mears Group, way more than he would have if he had kept it running as a hotel. They had to close it down because of protests. The people living nearby had way more problems with women being harassed by protesters than they ever did by residents.

Sure, sure.