To ask if you’d be allowed to do this?

[Lighterthansprite]

I rarely ever have a night away - just for context. The last one was about 2 years ago and I can’t remember the time before that. DH has never liked it much (he has had nights away, including several nights abroad with friends for stags / birthdays etc)

Unfortunately it has happened that I have an agreed night away coming up shortly, which has been planned for ages to see a concert, but another close friend has now asked me if I am able to go with her for a spa night the weekend before as the person she originally planned to go with can’t make it.

So I’d be away two weekends - one after the other. I haven’t even asked yet… I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to do so? Two children - nearly 18 and 12.

Would your DH / partner allow you to go?

WTF allow?! What the hell am I reading.

Then that's his problem.

DH is not the keeper of me. He's my husband and an equal partner.

He's not insulted if I go out. I do not ask for permission.

There is something really wrong here, OP. Take care.

Jesus.....

If DH pulled that at me he would be my ex-husband in a blink of my eye!
Controlling, selfish and manipulating what a wanker!
He goes out and you have to ask... get real OP you know that isn't ok!

Very concerned that this should even be an issue

12 and 18 MONTHS maybe , and thats just maybe

Allowed by whom? I assume you are past your teen years... well then you do not need to ask permission, merely to sort out child care.

You're an adult human being. No-one can tell you No if what you want to do is within the law, and within reasonable bounds.

This is within reasonable bounds because he has been away himself.

If he says No - or deliberately forces you not to go by making life so difficult that you can't bear to go - he's a controlling, abusive man.

I wonder whether he's split the parenting and domestic load with you fairly?

I can 100% guarantee not, so that's rhetorical really. It just adds to the objective picture of his exploitative and controlling nature that I'm really hoping you are starting to see.

what does he have to sulk about? If he’s not capable of being around for kids those ages I’d worry. It’s not two weekends on a row, it’s twice in years and you probably won’t go again for another few years.

And I wonder why that might be??

ASK/be allowed??

WTAF.

What are earth are you getting out of this relationship???

There's no way on Gods little Green earth I'd be asking. The concept of being allowed or not allowed I find frankly ridiculous.. just no way!!

When they were much younger I'd have checked to see that he didn't have any plans and would be home for the children, but just logistics, not permission.

At 18 and 12, as long as the 18-year-old Is is going to be home then I'd happily leave them for one night anyway, or even a couple.

He obviously has friends if he goes away with them he'll have to organise his own play date!

He may flat out say no - it has happened before that he has

v v concerning

make arrangements for the 12 year old to be looked after ( 18 can do it but id have back ups ) make sure food and snacks and emergency protocols in place

all in case he puts up barriers

then go to both events and make preparations to leave this controlling sulky baby

Allowed??? WTAF!!

He thinks I should want to spend all my free time with him.

But the same doesn't apply to him?

WTAF, I nave never ‘asked’ it’s either ‘I’m going away with the girls for a weekend or my BF for a weeks holiday … I do check he can manage the time with work to sort out school drop off and collections etc. partners should never just say ‘no’ … fuck that!

Yes unless there was something else like husband works Saturdays and can't take two off in a row.

He'd soon be my ex-husband if this was his attitude towards me!

Asked yet?

I've never 'asked' my husband if I can go away for the night.

I let him know I would like to go. I ask him if he has any plans which might conflict with my plans. I then let him know the details.

At no point ever has he made it difficult or awkward for me to go.

I stay away about once a month with work and I check to make sure that night is convenient for him and he doesn't have any plans I don't know about. But I never ask him if I'm allowed to go.

You have a DH problem.

So you have 3 kids - two teenagers and a fucking toddler.
OP, this is not alright. You don’t need to ask for permission. Please go and have fun!

This is extremely concerning! Please go on your trips.

Allowed? I think you used the wrong word. We are not in Saudi or Pakistan, so you do not need permission!!!! What a strange question.

So how do you feel about his response @Lighterthansprite? Are you happy in your marriage? What is your reaction to the majority view that you having to ask permission is quite worrying?

Two children - nearly 18 and 12.

He expects you to spend all your free time with him but he doesn’t expect to spend all of his free time with you, does he?!!

Your children are no longer small, home life doesn’t sound like much fun, you’ve had a better offer, and you don’t need his permission anyway! Let him sulk!! Have a lovely break on consecutive weekends for a change, OP. 💐

Your husband is a dick
Put him in the bin

Asked? ASKED? No, no. Tell. Announce. You do not need permission.

I could understand the asking if the kids were small but one of the kids is practically an adult . And the only reason I ask my DH is just out of politeness to make sure he doesn’t have conflicting plans and is ok to mind the kids . Your kids are much older , there is no excuse , your DH sounds really controlling and needy