To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

Honestly, it’s not just them. I have encountered this from others. “Oh I can’t believe you drink milk, you know how much cruelty there is in the dairy industry,” “VEGANISM DOESN’T HAVE ENOUGH PROTEIN!” It’s bloody nuts! Strong opinions all around. I mean, look at all the meat eaters on here having a go at the Op saying her DC are malnourished. I’m surprised you’ve never come across any of this, actually.

If it was anything other than meat I am sure you would have hugh support , but mumsnet seems to be full of people who think NOT eating meat is horrifying

Not one person has said that. It's not about the meat. I don't eat meat, but people who live in my house are allowed to eat meat if they want to because it's their choice. The issue is having choice taken away and having to eat poor quality takeaway stuff because you haven't the facilities to cook good quality meat. We are a one vegan, one vegetarian and 2 omnivore household and we manage to get through life without banning entire food groups from the house.
If someone is cooking a meal for everyone they'll adjust it to suit. The omnivores are content with day to day veggie meals but nobody minds if they fancy a steak on the side or stick a chicken in the oven when they fancy a roast. They aren't eating meat 3 times a day, everyday. Just as and when. It's give and take.

No. I note you didn’t rebut a single point but no doubt think your propaganda slogan is terribly clever. Kindly F off. I was trying to be reasonable too!

What op is not recognising is that it is her childrens home too. She may pay for it, but at 14, her youngest in particular cannot possibly exercise the choice to move out & eat the diet they prefer.

If this was a husband not allowing their wife to cook/prepare meat in the house, ever, he would be considered controlling.

Is it not their home too?

What a surprise op hasnt returned to the thread.

3/10 🥱

Are you really surprised? Would you have come back if you were her?

@inickedthisname So a Jewish family maintaining a kosher household, a Muslim family maintaining a halal household, a Hindu family being vegetarian, or a Catholic family observing Lent and only eating fish or vegetarian food on Fridays are controlling and their children are more likely to reject their family's beliefs and practices?

I haven't seen this much IRL. I'm not saying that it never happens, but I think the opposite is more likely.

You’re not aware of people being raised Jewish/Catholic/Muslim/Hindu and not adhering to those religious values in adult
life? Really?

Given their ages and its their house too I think it should be allowed if they want to cook it. However they used your implements and went against your wishes. I think realistically kids do that all the damn time. So what I'd do is talk to them about that element and go out and buy different cutting boards and spoons for them to use, making it clear they tidy up after.

I can't be bothered to read all the comments but as someone who hasn't eaten meat for well over a decade, YANBU.

What would the correct chopping boards be? OP doesn't cook meat so doesn't have them.

It’s their home too. Why do your preferences get to trump theirs? Glad you’re not my parent. Controlling.

I agree it's restrictive to not let them eat meat in your house if it's also their house. However, I'd get them to buy you a new chopping board and clean up properly, as they should get they you wouldn't want meat on the boards you'll use for your food. Maybe let them keep that for cooking meat in future? I know you don't want it in your house Op but it's their house too.

What a nonsense. I don’t eat tofu. Will happily eat vegetarian most of the time but firmly believe tofu is an evil that has been visited on this world. Rank. You think it would be reasonable of me to insist on having separate tofu chopping board, knife and frying pan???

I appreciate that. You didn't offend me, I just sensed something underlying - no offense was meant towards you either. Sorry if I offended you in any way, I was very direct in my wording in my last post especially.

We do bring our own experiences to the table so I understand. I grew up in a very controlling house with food - mum would deny fruit because it would make us "fat" and "rot our teeth", would ply us with cake and biscuits and then tell us we were unhealthy, would tell others to not give us fruit and explode at us and others if they did. Now that is abusive, and that is one aspect of that abuse.

To be clear as mud, I'm usual very general terms with certain posters before you responded to me in mind - I don't like tagging and pointing fingers like that. I don't think everyone who disagrees with me is intolerant, a lot of posters voted yabu that I agree with. I do agree it may cause an issue with OP's kids like you said but in the end I feel like that's up to them to navigate, and for me it still doesn't make anyone right or wrong.

@inickedthisname What I said was that sometimes this happens (rejecting the family's religious values) but many times, it doesn't. It's not a given that your children will reject it or feel controlled.

I didn’t say it was a given, I said that it was more likely they would go the opposite way if they felt they didn’t have a choice.

I agree using the chopping board and not cleaning it is unreasonable. But a house or kitchen can't be "contaminated" by meat if the area is cleaned afterwards. We already have the means to get rid of germs.

The shoes of rule is a good analogy because we are shoes of in our house and no I would not be pleased if someone trampled dog poo through. If it were to happen (for example if their friends were visiting and didn't know the rule) though it wouldn't mean my lovely "shoes of floor" was now permanently contaminated by poo and shoes. I would expect a group of 14 year olds to clean it and that would be that. There would not be days of upset and talking about how the friend walked in dog poo and how upsetting this was etc etc. It's not just having a rule, its the lack of flexibility and seeing any deviation as a disaster/contamination.

As a contrast I grew up in a "shoes of house" where it was shoes of because it was the RULE. This meant shoes had to be taken of on the mat while people behind hovered awkwardly for you to be done even if it was raining. When I broke my leg this caused a lot of upset and discussion because the cast they give you is too big to put a shoe over which meant wearing the cast unprotected outside which meant technically it was a shoe that wasn't being taken of inside. Also the crutches had to be performatively wiped on the mat. This was a massive compromise that was being made on my behalf.

So yes, shoes of is reasonable especially if it applies to everyone equally. But if it's being used as a way to signal that it's MY house MY rules that can be very uncomfortable to live under. And the OP repeatedly refers to it as her house. I haven't seen her refer to it as "our house" once. Which is interesting...

@inickedthisname We'll agree to disagree then.

But your mum not letting you have fruit was bad. This mum not letting her kids have meat is deemed OK because you and other posters don't like meat. I agree it is different if your mum was substituting cake etc for the fruit as that's unhealthy. But honestly, just banning fruit as a food group doesn't have to be unhealthy, you can get all the vitamins you would get from fruit from other sources. But, cakes aside, a mum who refuses to even let her kids have fruit in the house because it's her house, her boundaries is controlling even if she "lets" them eat fruit elsewhere. I bet if the poster was talking about fruit you would be more likely to agree. It's just that because you don't want to eat meat you can't imagine being a teenager who does.

You don’t though because they can’t eat it in the house. That is super restrictive. Where else are they supposed to cook it ? On a bbq outside? Do they have use of another house ? Can’t live at your friends or school so it’s still restrictive . Would you let them cook it outside in the garden? They shouldn’t have to though . You either want them to eat it or not . This whole outside the house thing is a bit petty

I get it OP, I’m a vegetarian but no one else in my house is. I would be very unhappy about remnants of meat left in the kitchen, to me it’s not remnants of meat, it’s bits of dead animal in my kitchen. I’m also not a fan of it in my fridge, again, it’s pieces of a dead animal in my fridge.

Most vegans and vegetarians would say that eating meat is extreme.

Think about it: Animals are bred, housed, slaughtered (in fear and pain, I must add), and processed in a huge global industry, contributing to climate change and destroying the sea bed and its ecosystem just because they taste nice. There is no need for any of it.

Late to the thread. I've been vegetarian for 25+ years and my home is meat / fish free. I'd also be very unimpressed in your shoes. People are focusing on this being about food and missing that it is actually about ethics.