To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

I think you may either misunderstand me or be taking things too literally but if you havent noticed it's the middle of the summer holidays, one of them is 14 so no school or college, i'm sure he see's friends but it's not other parents place to feed her kid.

Also, presumably he's going to want to eat when he isn't seeing his friends too or does he have the motabolism of a snake and eat just once a week? It's not unreasonable to assume that in the 6 weeks summer holidays that he migth want to use the kitchen in his own home and happen to fancy some meat?

Ask them to clean it up and calm down. Either you want your kids to feel at home where they live or you want to impose strict rules that make them feel unwelcomed.

There's a very uncomfortable hierarchy thing going on here. It sounds like this is the family home; the home of you and your children. You don't eat meat. Your children do. Both are choices of the individual, and the choices need to be respected by all parties. But to prevent your children from cooking meat in their home is not right.

What needs to happen is a conversation around how you can each exercise your choices, but with the least inconvenience to the others. Your children could agree to some rules around how meat is stored and cooked in the home (including cleaning up!). You need to understand that choosing to eat meat is as valid to them as you choosing not to eat meat is to you.

But stay away from the 'not in my house' attitude. It's as much your children's home as it is yours. Trying to pull rank will serve to create divisions that don't need to be there, and could damage your relationships. Respect, tolerance and understanding are needed by all parties.

Couldn’t have put it better!

I'm also a life long vegetarian - well 35 years (I started at 10) and I wouldn't expect anyone I shared a house with to not consume what they want to. All my family are meat eaters. Yes, they've disrespected you by not cleaning up, but I'd say it's unfair that they can't follow their own beliefs in their own home. I have separate chopping boards etc and everyone has strict instructions to clean up after themselves - meat or otherwise!

They disagree with your rule. They've been consuming meat in your home for ages, and because you're not reasonable, they've been doing it in secret. They will keep doing it. That's the crux of it.

Wait, so when you brought them up did they ever eat meat? Or have you always kept it out of the house until this incident?

I'd be more concerned that they didn't know how to handle raw meat hygienically judging by your description of the mess they left. Even as a vegetarian,you should know about and teach them the dangers of cross contamination, proper cooking methods and cleaning all surfaces properly.

It was going to happen sometime so at least get that bit sorted.

I think you're going to have to give them some leeway on having it in the house or it'll be the equivalent of sneaking cigarettes in when you're not looking.

It's a good job I am a grown man, i fall into neither of the categories concerned.

@Yewlez While still supporting the egg and dairy industries which are just as bad..

No every veggie does that.

Dont forget all that avacado that destroys hundreds of square miles of rainforest and natural habitat, indirectly making many animals become endangered or go extinct.

OP said vegetarian not vegan. I'd have more respect for her "holier than thou" stance if she was a vegan. If she's eating dairy and eggs then she's supporting killing animals.

I can quite understand how you feel,and I'm not even a vegetarian! Personally I think the children should respect their mum's beliefs...because that is what it is...they will no doubt have plenty of opportunities to eat meat elsewhere. You don't need to eat meat every day to thrive.

This.
OP,this is their home and you're imposing a very restricted diet on them.
Science today suggests that the ability to follow a vegetarian diet is genetic. Namely, some people can synthesise lipids crucial to neurotransmission themselves. Others need, not would like, but actually need animal protein to function.

You are likely restricting them from eating essential food in their very own home - how selfish. Get them their own chopping board but get over your hangups. It's not your home, singular, it's your family home, ie theirs too, and they should be able to eat on ot. You are disrespecting them as humans by policing their diet to that extent.

It is their house as well and you are showing very controlling behaviour. Your kids obviously do want meat in their house. Why do your wishes outweigh theirs???

I’m not a vegetarian but I agree with you completely. They have really taken the piss and I would be livid with them. They can cook and eat meat in their own houses when they have them but it’s really not a big deal to not cook or eat meat at home they can eat what they like elsewhere it’s not a hard rule to follow and they’ve been disrespectful

It's their home, they are entitled to cook what they choose.

I suggest a meat-only chopping board is bought though yours will be OK as long as it is well washed.

What's an avocado got to do with being vegetarian? I've never heard of avocado being some sort of meat replacement before

Because it’s her house and she makes the rules, it’s really not difficult. They’ve spent their entire lives so far not eating meat at home so it’s not new to them they are just being disrespectful entitled shits.

This! I'm reading all of the comments and people are really missing the point completely

I can see where you’re coming from OP. Whilst others may say that it’s the kids home too (and it is), having animal flesh in your home must be somewhat upsetting if you don’t eat it/are against it. I think it’s great for you to be open with the kids in terms of them eating meat outside the home but sounds like you need a conversation about the rules inside the home. I guess they will rebel at some point and they haven’t done the worst thing in the world but it’s a sensitive topic. I don’t smoke and wouldn’t let me kids smoke inside the house. I don’t see this scenario to be any different.

How about a compromise - could they get a gas BBQ in the garden and cook meat on that in the spring/summer?

Give it a rest please

A lot of the comments telling OP she's being unreasonable (and also unrealistic) have told her it'd be a good idea to get separate stuff and negotiate some ground rules for that very reason. Pots, a George Foreman, a rule they can only do it at certain times.

There's a recurring theme here of people who disagree with OP being told they don't understand, but actually, we understand better than she and the people agreeing with her do. This has quite possibly happened more than once, it's going to happen again because what she's asking is BU. As a pp said, she's left no room for negotiation or reasonableness.

The home is everyone's sanctuary. Emphasis on how important it is to the vegetarian only is what's missing the point.

They should have cleaned up and been more respectable but it's unreasonable to say they can eat meat if they want but not in the house.

My parents are vegetarian, as is my elder sister and several other members of our wider family but none have ever stopped meat coming in to their houses.

I have been vegetarian in the past, for personal reasons I do eat some meat now but I fully support and understand vegetarianism so I don't agree that you cant explain to people who eat meat is not true, it seems you just don't like people disagreeing with you.