To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

Looks like they have got their own utensils now.
Don’t think Meetmeinlove will use them again

As other poeple have said, if it was smoking or vaping or drugs or alcohol or having boyfriends over or whatever, it would be all ‘your house your rules

Those things are illegal for a 14 year old. Meat isn't. It's food.

I don’t think YABU, but as a vegan who wouldn’t have meat in the house I know I’m in the minority.
It’s an ethical choice for me so I’d be quite upset if my children couldn’t understand & respect that.
My children are a bit younger & eat a diet pretty close to mine. I don’t understand all the comments from people acting as if they don’t have any control or influence over their children’s diets. Surely this is part of being a parent?!
Bacon and sausages are classified as Class A carcinogens but if I don’t give them to my children I’m being terribly ‘restrictive’ and controlling 🙄

Dictatorships rarely end well

For all the people who say the kids should be able to eat what they want, what if OP had a nut allergy and they brought in bags of peanuts and left them around?

I think this has been answered already. What you’re talking about is a safety concern. A ham sandwich isn’t going to kill anyone.

You think a vegetarian should touch and cook meat? Dead flesh?
If I was a strict vegetarian, I’m not I would be buying new utensils and chopping board/ pans etc.

To all the bleeding hearts harping on about animal abuse and how cruel all us dirty meat eaters are I have question for you. How do you feel about the use of animal testing to research and produce life saving medication that I’m sure you have all benefitted from? What about animal derivatives in every day products like soap, bedding, perfume, adhesives, crayons etc. Do you not use any product that may contain animal products or were tested on animals? I highly doubt it so you are all massive hypocrites so get off your soap box and educate yourselves. Not to mention the HUGE amount of environmental damage that is caused by vegan crops and the amount of water, fertilizer and air miles that go in to feeding you your morning almond latte.

But at their age they really don't have that many choices to eat meat elsewhere especially not to cook it themselves. Yes there are restaurants/McDonald's but that's expensive and unhealthy and not always that nice. If they were adults then fair enough, they can cook what they want in their own houses. But your house is also their house so by saying they can't have meat there you are very much restricting what they can eat most of the time. Even if you say you aren't. They should have used a different chopping board and tidied up though.

Everything you mentioned there isn’t essential for us to live is it. If you are made to eat food you don’t really like all the time while living in someone else’s house I am sure you would do something about it. Which is what they did they bought some meat to cook a meal with because they get more enjoyment out of eating a meal with meat in than only vegetarian food at home. You’ve never eaten meat yourself so obviously don’t understand the texture of meat. It’s a different texture to vegetables and you can’t really compare it to soya meat it’s similar but not the same as it’s more processed.

She doesn’t have to though they are old enough to cook for themselves and have proven they can. They are hinting they’re bored of only eating vegetarian meals at home. Fast food meat or school meals isn’t really the same as a homecooked meal now is it? My son won’t even eat processed food it gives him bellyache. He has non verbal autism but I know his likes and dislikes.

Is it that meat grosses you out primarily or an ethical thing (I get the two can overlap). My problem is, as a vegetarian who used to be a vegan I can take some of the talking points some people have made on here about how you should make the kids watch videos about how awful the meat industry is and ask why it's OK to have "dead flesh" in the house. Some of the emotive language about murder etc.
But equally someone could ask me and you if we know about all the baby cows (50%of those born) who are pulled from their mother's as tiny babies and either killed immediately or raised in awful conditions and turned into veal. And how this process is repeated every four years usually via artificial insemination of the female cow so she can continue to produce milk even after her babies are taken away. I know all of this yet still drink milk in tea. My staunch vegan relative also knows this yet let's me drink my murder juice in her house. So if other people tolerate this, why should I refuse to tolerate my child eating meat in my house that is also their home? It's about tolerance to me.

Punished was the wrong word for sure but they need to understand thoughtlessness and disrespect for simple rules has consequences. Otherwise what is to stop them doing it again and again? Teenagers brains are not like adults, you can't just expect to have a reasonable conversation and that be lesson learned. It's just applying consequences that are proportionate to the offence.

Omnivore here OP, and I dont think YABU x

I think you have a right to be annoyed that they didn't clean up properly after themselves, especially knowing that you find the sight of meat unpleasant. But I think it's rather extreme to ban them from cooking meat in your house at all. It's their house too.

She doesn't tho. It's a false equivalence.

OP, it’s their home too. If they want to eat meat then they need to learn how to cook it properly. If not in their home, where?

However, it’s completely understandable that they have their own cutting board, cookware and utensils. And perhaps a request that they prepare when you’re out and clean up right away

Why have you asked this question?
If you’re upset you’re upset. It’s ok to have your feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong or right they just are.
Your children know your feelings and that’s not nice of them.

I'm veggie and everyone else in my house eats meat.

I think there are 2 issues, one is that they have blatantly disregarded something that is clearly important to you. That needs to be addressed.

However, it's their house too, not just yours. I can guarentee they will have eaten animal products at home before but you wont be aware of it eg a peperroni pizza or sausage rolls.

I think it's a losing battle tbh. Would you compromise and say they can but have to use specific utensils, pots etc and it needs to be eaten straight away, not kept in the fridge?

ive read all the ops posts and nowhere does she say that being exposed to meat being in the same house might kill her? Your point here is ridiculous, there is no equivalence.

Normally I read the whole thread before saying anything but this one is so full of utter rubbish I don't think I'm missing anything.

My god OP, you've had some nasty responses. There's a lot of projection, whatabouttery and very personal attacks, and typical poster assumptions because they didn't read your post correctly or at all.

It reminds me of when people get bent out of shape about having to attend a vegan/dry wedding with no meat or no booze, or sit on a plane with an allergy sufferer and not eat nuts for a while few hours. How ever will they survive? 🙄

I don't think your being unreasonable at all. You're the parent and head of the household, you've been raised vegetarian, never touched, cooked or consumed meat. This is your reason for not wanting it in your house which is reasonable. You actively enable your children to eat meat by buying it for them to eat at school, at restaurants. You've been accused of being controlling and "forcing" your beliefs and diet on them, but when you look at how you facilitate them eating meat despite your own beliefs, it's obvious this is untrue.

If the kids wanted to eat meat at home they should have come and spoken to you, not done it behind your back. I can understand how upsetting it must have been to find meat unexpectedly like that in your house. It wasn't just disrespectful but also unsafe hygienically assuming you use the same board for your own food.

I'm veggie as well. I do allow DH to cook meat in the house. But that was a conversation between us and compromise both ways. Before that as a single mum I had the same stance as you. DS was allowed to eat or try if wanted. I actually encouraged trying at parties, restaurants etc because I couldn't facilitate preparing it. DS tries it every few years if in the mood but shrugs and days Quorn is better, so go figure.

I guess the vegan thing is interesting to me (you use the example of a wedding) because if your kid or even your husband decided to be vegan and that furthermore they didn't want any animal products in the house would that be OK.with you? Because I'm a vegetarian now not a vegan and while I would be fine with a vegan restaurant, wedding etc and would respect the rules I wouldnt be happy not being "allowed" cheese or milk in my house. So I don't think it's reasonable to stop my children/partner eating meat in the house if they want as it is their home too. It's not the same as being a guest in someone's house or a wedding.

Yes YABU at least they are healthy, and to have never eaten meat ever is a concern how do you know you won't like it if you don't try it. Militant vegetarianism/veganism is dangerous. Luckily your children turned out normal you should be proud of them. And they might not want vegetarian rubbish cooked in their house, but they would probably accommodate you. They live there, they are normal children with a healthy diet and they should have the right to cook meat in their own home. Please get over yourself!

You are coming across as very aggressive to anyone (and there are lots on here) who is offering an alternative view point. It's a valid question to ask that if you are going to react this way to any post that disagrees with you, what point did creating the thread serve?

I'm assuming you are trolling but I'll play along.

You have no idea if their diet is healthy. 🤣
People can have healthy/unhealthy diets whether they are vegan, veggie or eat meat. Eating or not eating meat is not a marker of whether a diet is healthy.

You also assume their diet is "normal". Again eating neat or not is not a marker of sensible eating habits.

I dont think the OP cares whether she likes meat or not. She choses not to eat ot so it's irrelevant.

I feel sad if you've never had good vegan/vegetarian food. Maybe you need to branch out and get better at cooking or chose better restaurants?

To highlight my above points... tonight I ate a homemade.couscous salad with chickpeas, lemon, pomegranate, raw pepper, rocket, avocado, seeds, herbs. It was delicious and covered all the food groups. By contrast, my husband ate sausages, prebought mash and peas.