To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

I think this perspective is far more bonkers that anything the OP has said or done. Why are vegetarian parents always accused of inflicting their vegetarianism on their children but meat eating parents aren't accused of inflicting their dead animal eating-ism on their children?

If the OP doesn't want meat stored, prepared or eaten in the family home then her children should absolutely respect that. I can't believe how many people on here think otherwise!

The 18 year old has more options outside the house but the 14yo doesn’t. If they want to eat meat in their own home it should be made possible for them to prepare it in a way that is still respectful to your choices.

It is a tricky one as meat has nutrients that growing teens need and it is easier to get those from meat than from other sources. It could be why your children are wanting to eat meat, they could be lacking iron or other nutrients if what they eat from a vegetarian/vegan diet isn’t providing it fully.

You didn't quote any actual research and I've never heard of people having to eat meat because of their genetics. I've asked my buddy Claude to evaluate your claim and you're completely wrong

What’s actually true:
There is genetic variation in the FADS1/FADS2 genes that affects how efficiently people convert plant-based omega-3 fatty acids (ALA, found in flax, walnuts, etc.) into the longer-chain forms (EPA and DHA) that are important for brain and nerve function. Some populations — notably those with long histories of plant-based diets — have gene variants that make this conversion more efficient, while others convert less efficiently.

Where the claim goes too far:

• This affects fatty acid synthesis, not protein. The claim mixes up “lipids crucial to neurotransmission” (fats) with “animal protein” as if they’re the same issue — they’re not.
• “Need animal protein to function” isn’t supported. Protein needs can be met with varied plant protein sources (legumes, grains, soy, etc.) combined appropriately; there’s no known genetic variant that makes plant protein biologically unusable for a person.
• Even for the fatty acid conversion issue, poor converters aren’t stuck — they can get preformed EPA/DHA from algae-based supplements (a vegetarian/vegan-compatible source) rather than needing meat specifically.
• No mainstream medical or nutrition body treats “genetic inability to be vegetarian” as an established category. It’s more accurate to say some people may need to be more deliberate about specific nutrients (B12, iron, omega-3s, sometimes protein combining) on a vegetarian diet, not that vegetarianism is biologically impossible for them.

So: genetic variation in fat metabolism, real. “Some people biologically need meat to function,” not supported by current evidence.

Good idea. At least it keeps the smells out of the house. If you don''t eat meat, the smell of it can be pretty ghastly.

@wishfulthinking25 They live in our house with us. Yes, it's our family home but DH and I make the household rules.

If I visit DD (21) in her university flat, however, she makes the rules. If she told me that I couldn't eat meat there, I wouldn't. It'll be the same when DS moves out.

I appreciate that not everyone views it the same way, but that's how we do it, and it's never caused any issues. @Meetmeinlove clearly feels very strongly about no meat in the house, just as a religious person might feel about certain foods. I think they need to respect that.

You do know that not everyone has a garden? Surely!

Admittedly I’m not veggie but I don’t know any veggie parents that are this strict. It feels unfair and restrictive. It’s not exactly easy to eat meat outside the house regularly - not same meals/quality plus the expense is much more. Let alone for teenagers with limited funds I assume

Because you know @VestibuleWeaver makes a very valid point!
Also you can’t really claim to be providing your kids with a healthy and varied diet if it completely excludes meat!

@Meetmeinlove I understand where you're coming from, especially if you grew up in a completely vegetarian household. And I don't think you are wrong or cruel or anything like that. Although not raised in a vegetarian family, I've been a vegetarian/vegan since the 1960s and have had to negotiate how I deal with nonveg family members too.

I think you're being quite open-minded with your DC in telling them they can eat whatever they like, but that in your house, you will only be having vegetarian foods. That's reasonable. What I don't understand is what the context was that they were cooking meat in. Were you away for some time and they were having to feed themselves? Or did they just "feel like doing it" then? Was it the first time or have they done it before but you've never "caught them in the act"? And were they storing the raw or cooked meat in your fridge alongside your other foods? All these things would, to me, complicate how I would respond to the situation you described.

As they are teens and should be able to understand your reasoning and also that it is your house (and therefore your rules) that they are living in, I would be sitting them down and explaining how you feel they violated your trust and violated your space. I wouldn't be focusing so much on what they did, but rather trying to understand why they did it. And it might be that they aren't happy with just eating meat outside the house any more. You then are faced with a dilemma: either stick to your principles or figure out how to accommodate everyone's needs. It may be that they have a small fridge to keep non-veg foods and separate cooking and prep utensils. Or it may be that they can only prepare meat-based foods on certain days when you're not there (as I can imagine the smells might be offensive to you even). Or it might be that none of that is tolerable for you and your DC will have to wait until they've their own homes before they can do that. But by allowing them to have already decided that they do not want to be fully vegetarian, you've already kind of opened up a can of worms in terms of helping them learn to be self-sufficient in food preparation. Good luck in navigating this.

I’d be the same OP
Our home is meat free
Ive never touched it! It’s not coming in the door
My MIL once brought a tuna sandwich with her and I would not let her put it in the fridge!

Theres no point in trying to explain to meat eaters

I’m sorry your kids did this. Hopefully they will be vegetarian in the future

You are 100% correct!

There have actually been 34 contributing genes identified and this is one study.

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0291305

It's conclusion reads:
"
In conclusion, our findings add to the existing body of data pointing to the genetic contribution to dietary choices and raise the possibility that lipid metabolism and its role in brain function may play a role in the ability to subsist long-term on a strict vegetarian diet. Further studies are required to determine which of the genes we identified play an important role in choosing a vegetarian diet; what particular variants of those genes underlie the vegetarianism phenotype and the mechanisms by which they contribute to this phenotype. It is tempting to speculate that meat may contain unique lipid components that vegetarians are able to adequately synthesize endogenously, whereas others need to obtain them from a meat-containing diet. A better understanding of the physiologic pathways involved in choosing a vegetarian diet is needed in order to design more effective dietary recommendations and interventions."

But by allowing them to have already decided that they do not want to be fully vegetarian, you've already kind of opened up a can of worms in terms of helping them learn to be self-sufficient in food preparation. Good luck in navigating this.

@SylvanMoon That's a good point, it has opened a can a worms - personally, I think it was the right thing to do, but it's proving tricky to navigate.

That's true. She may not have a garden or she may live on acreage. We don't know but if she even has just has a little patio outside, it is still a helpful suggestion.

I can’t be arsed to read the whole thread because I’ve seen a snapshot of replies quoted by OP and those were mad enough. It’s like the meat brigade have taken leave of their senses.

I don’t think OP is at all unreasonable to not want meat prepared and cooked in her house. Plenty of families are vegetarian and - prepare your pearls for clutching - some are vegan! Imagine! It’s perfectly possible to have a healthy balanced diet as a vegetarian or vegan. I eat meat occasionally but I wouldn’t dream of preparing or cooking it in a vegetarian household. I can go without.

Some of you are fucking insane.

I’m a life long veggie but my DH and one of my kids eats meat. It’s their home too so they should be able to cook there, on the condition it’s tidied up and meat only boards etc. It is unreasonable to expect them not to cook their own meals in their own home .

Mumsnet is crazy on the issue of vegetarianism/veganism. It’s an attitude I’ve not encountered outside of these boards since my first boyfriend’s mother in the 1990s. Women are encouraged to have boundaries until meat is involved. We’re told we must properly parent children and set boundaries, until that involves meat.

The narrative is parents can’t tell kids what to eat when it comes to not eating meat. If we let kids eat and do what they want, (outside of disordered eating) where would we be? Of course it is their home, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t rules, in the same way children aren’t allowed to have untidy rooms in the house or a curfew. We parent as we feel we should, and it’s important to teach our children how to live with others. OP does this by explaining her issues and boundaries and allowing them full flexibility outside of this.

It’s the disrespect from the children that would have upset me.

They knew your rules - and did it anyway. And then didn’t tidy up.

What has happened since the incident?

No, she doesn’t make a very valid point. Meat was not a big part of early humans’ diet.
And it is perfectly possible to have a healthy and varied diet that doesn’t involve meat.

I think it’s your choice not to eat meat. I think you have to acknowledge that it’s also their home.

Is it not mad to say you can eat something but you’re allowed to prepare or cook it. It’s not drugs or alcohol it’s food. They’re either allowed or not

But op’s household isn’t even a vegetarian household. At least 50% of its occupants eat meat.

I note that previous posters have mentioned religious beliefs, which is a thought which also occurred to me. I’m curious whether any of the posters describing the OP as cruel or controlling for not allowing meat at home are equally forthright in conversations with families whose religious beliefs forbid meat consumption.

Get a different chopping board for meat only. I’d find your behaviour really controlling. It’s a personal preference not to eat meat but your kids can make their own choices.

Do you eat out at restaurants? Well, your vegetarian dishes were most likely made in a pan or pot that held meat or sauces with animal ingredients. Knives may have been used to cut bacon sandwiches and cleaned to chop your veggie choice.

Poor kids…

Some Muslims drink alcohol and eat pork. It’s a personal choice. What do you want to happen to these individuals? Stone them?? FFS