To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

I would think it is becoming more common for one generation in the household to be religious, and the other not religious, so I wouldn’t be surprised if something similar does come up in religious households.

OP, I eat meat and I agree with you.

The kids should know your feelings on meat in the house and respect that.

In your shoes, I’d be going mad at them.

OP said" I am not not allowing them to eat meat- they eat it in school/ college/ at friends/ out of the house."
So, yes her children do in fact eat meat.

This is crazy, buy a red chopping board and tell them to stick to that.

This

Sorry I do think you are being unreasonable. Isn't it your children's home too? From the title I thought you had an inconsiderate guest, but it's your children and it's their home too.
They definitely shouldn't have left a mess, and they should clear up after themselves.

Maybe as a compromise you could get them a separate chopping board/pan for them to cook in, if that's what bothers you?

For context, I am vegetarian, and my children are not.

I do think it's unfair and controlling to make a rule of "no meat in MY house". It's their home as well, and if one day they fancy eating meat, it isn't fair that they just can't cook it or eat it.
I understand if you don't want to touch it/cook it/clean up for them, but if they do that all by themselves, why are they not allowed?

The ban of meat in a whole household because one person in the family is vegetarian seems quite extreme, especially because they're young and don't have another home to go to if they wish to do differently.

I understand that they can eat it elsewhere, but it's not the same as cooking yourself a meal, or ordering something to eat in your own home when you fancy it.

I think you're missing the point. You not eating or wanting to touch or have anything to do with meat is fine; Denying your kids access to it in their own home when their diet is their choice is what people are taking umbrige with.

No, I wouldn’t be angry about my kids eating nutritious food. Stop forcing your beliefs on everyone else, especially unhealthy ones

I really like vegetarian/vegan food but after 3 or 4 days at dd2 (vegan)'s house I can't wait to eat meat again. I can't imagine having to do without for the whole summer holidays! I wouldn't be happy at them not cleaning after themselves but the eating meat in your vegetarian house seems reasonable.

I find it very controlling of you to not permit them to eat something in their own home

It's your choice to be vegetarian and theirs not to be

It's their home too

But you DID stop them eating meat - or try as much as you can! By not allowing them to eat meat in their OWN HOME and they are children too!! Then yes you are!

Dd1's dh is muslim, she is not. Obviously the food they cook together does not contain pork but if she fancies a ham and cheese toasties or a bacon butty she has one. She does clean the grill properly afterwards.

As a lifelong vegetarian did your parents never give you meat as a child?
How old are your children and do they live with you? If they do why cant they cook and eat meat in your house. Why should they have to follow your beliefs about food, surely have to respect their food choices. They arent expecting you to eat meat are they. Do you expect them to eat out every time they want meat.
Why dont you just have different chopping boards, pans etc but respect each other's food choices.

Agreed but being vegetarian isn't just about what you put in your mouth, it's about understanding what the meat industry does to the planet and not wanting to support that.

OP has posted this thread, but hasn’t given us any insight into how her DC have reacted to this. Which under the tenets of “it’s my house”, I am not surprised.

I have a sister who is of this type of thought, “it’s my house”, she is totally inflexible and there is no compromise. With my sister it is around such things as religion, DC spending her pocket money on sweets, DC doing her share of the chores (I am not saying her DC shouldn’t do chores, it is the rigidity towards the doing of chores that is applied) and anything else that falls under her regime.

The most important thing, in the grand scheme of things, is does it really matter? What does matter is naturing and maintaining a loving and supportive relationship with her DC.

PPs have spoken of the respect that they have shown and exercised towards parents who have religious and ethical rules in their homes.

So who are we to judge?

If that is the worst your teens are doing then you are doing all right in the grand scheme of things. My home is my children’s home, I don’t get why you have to be so totalitarian about it. You seem to emphasise a lot about it being “your” house. Choose your battles. I would not be jeopardising my relationship with my children over my lifestyle choice. The never handling meat etc just sounds childish…like most of your replies to be brutally honest.

YABVU. Poor kids. They need to eat the food they like & have a safe space to cook without being made to feel uncomfortable/ guilty etc. it’s their home too. The way you’re coming across is like they’ve broken the law or something… they’re just eating. Honest to goodness.

As much as I laughed at this and eat meat myself, no, that's unfair - I respect vegetarians because i understand what animals go through just to satisfy me, they're just too god damned tasty.

I guess I find it a little surprising that you don't seem remotely interested in why your children just suddenly decided to do this? I can't imagine having two of mine blatantly ignore a longstanding house rule and having no discussion with them about their thinking. And it wasn't just one child, it was two, which seems to imply some coordination between them. I'd want to hear their side before deciding if I was being reasonable or not.

Don't you want to know what's on their minds? Or is this just another goady thread?

I am in a very similar situation to you, OP in that I am a lifelong vegetarian. I have never bought, handled, cooked or served meat or seafood in my life. We have a vegetarian household as did my parents when I was growing up. My parents always said it was up to us if we wanted to eat meat but that we shouldn’t do it secretly. We said the same to our child as they were growing up.

OP, you are not as strange as posters on mums net would have you believe. It is perfectly ok for you to say that you don’t want meat brought into, prepared, cooked and eaten in your home. You are not stopping anyone, including your children, from eating meat outside your home. I would be extremely upset if anyone ate meat in
my home. Parents are allowed to have rules at home as long as they are not harmful to those in the home.

The teenagers are old enough to know their own dietary preferences. Learning to cook meat or anything else isn't something that happens overnight, so it's wrong that they are not allowed to get used to doing so in what is supposed to be the family home. It would be sad once they left home if they only felt confident enough to stick some ghastly ready meal in the microwave

Yup but eating them might just kill you https://news.stv.tv/scotland/pregnant-women-and-children-should-only-eat-uk-safe-eggs-after-salmonella-outbreak-says-food-standards-agency

If the children want to crash around doing laundry at 11 p.m., can they do that just because it's their home too? Actually, it is the OP's home. She's the one paying for it. The 18-year-old is an adult—old enough to live on their own.

While still supporting the egg and dairy industries which are just as bad...

Anyway op yanbu, you don't want animal corpses being cut up and cooked in your home and that's your right. Your kids are out of order and disrespectful.

I don’t understand your comparison. In our family, my house is also my children’s house. OP states her children are 14 & 18, can you tell me where their house is then?