To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

I think you're trying to point out if the shoe was on the other foot I'd feel differently. The answer is in my post - we talk and compromise in my home, that's how we work. I've already had discussions with my DS who has stronger veggie views than I do re. things like leather and gelatine and I have made compromises there, and stopped making certain purchases as a result. But that's my house, OP's is different, yours is different. There's no right and wrong way, it's up to the household.

I agree it's different being the guest, I'm comparing the general response to those situations, not the situations themselves. Some people get extremely offended and aggressive at the idea of others having different views, especially if they are being asked to take them into consideration and make a compromise that means they might have to change their behaviour. I personally don't think that's reasonable behaviour. I see a lot of it in the attacks on OP and vegetarians/vegans on this thread.

Sounds like you are being selfish and controlling not allowing them to eat it or even have it in your fridge…your house your rules springs to mind it’s also their home not a prison.

yes they should have separate utensils if they want to eat it at home and clear up after themselves out of respect for you and your lifestyle choices and likewise you should let them eat it at home as respect for their lifestyle choices it’s a 2 way street.

Hi OP, sorry that you've got some really weird comments on here from people who clearly have some very strange misperceptions about vegetarians!
We are also a veggie household and have two teens. Like you, we've told them they can make their own choices now about what to eat. If they did decide to eat meats, it would also be a not in this house situation. Another pp likened it to smoking, which I thought was a good analogy. What they choose to do out in the world is their problem (age appropriate obviously, before anyone cuts me down).
What you're dealing with is not about the meat as such, it's the disrespect for your rules. Even when they're adults living at home, it would still be under the house rules. Like, if someone has an allergy, the others don't just decide to buy that ingredient in, etc
I'm so disappointed for you that they didn't even bother to clean up after themselves, and buy their own utensils so as not to use yours (at very the least).
It sounds like you will need to lay down the law on this, unfortunately this may create tension and the usual teenage histrionics, but it is about respecting you and your rules.
Good luck, OP. Hang in there
And for all the &#&$& posters disparaging a veggie diet - you are ignorant bigots and need to educate yourselves!

You’ve had a lot of people’s opinions, but mine is possibly unique as I grew up in a vegetarian household too. My mother never ate meat in her life. I was third generation vegetarian.
My mother said the same as you when we were young. We were welcome to eat meat outside the house, but never at home. She never really meant it though!! And it felt like it would have absolutely devastated her. Added to that, how was I supposed to eat good meat outside the house on pocket money as a young teenager in the 1980s/early 90s? 🤷🏻‍♀️
It would have been seen as a massive disappointment to her if we had ever tried it, such was her very strong viewpoint and stance in the home.
I first ate fish at 25… and I never told her. It took 7 years post me leaving home for Uni and beyond to get that far, and such was her massive influence on me.
I didn’t eat meat until after she died.
My mother was an inventive and imaginative cook, and my childhood diet was healthy, but I do (somewhat sadly) feel it was lacking. I feel so much more healthy eating meat and fish now than I ever did before. I’m also personally against processed food (which most veggie protein equivalents are) and so I’d find that aspect now very difficult to go back to.
Your teenagers clearly would like to eat meat at home. I hope you can let them. My past teenage self hopes you can find a way to accept it and not to project your own disappointment on them.

They should have cleaned up.
Its their home too - I suggest you get them to invest in meat only cooking utensils and chopping boards and work out how you can all live together.

Banning them from cooking meat in their own home is very much a YABU.

There would be no correct meat chopping board in OP's house.

I also don't understand how people expect the teenagers to know the proper utensils and procedures for meat cooking at home, when meat is never cooked at home! Provide what they need, OP, and give them a steer on learning to cook an omnivorous diet.

You keep saying YOUR house, I understand that you don't want meat cooked in YOUR house, but is it also not their house?

I think OP is within her rights to ask that meat isn’t cooked in her home. My children’s father
asks they don’t cook or eat pork in his home due to religious believes. They can eat it anywhere else if they choose to. I am surprised all the posters thinking you’re unreasonable. They know how you feel so very disrespectful to just cook meat and leave a mess behind too.

This thread has amazed me...some of the posters on here are seemingly willfully misunderstanding.

It's also amazing how MN posters quote your house, your rules when they approve of those rules and call an OP controlling when they don't.

I'm not veggie, but I understand why you're upset @Meetmeinlove . You have been clear with your children since day 1 that they can eat meat but not to bring it back home. I hope your children understand how violated you feel by their actions.

Also, be prepared for them to do it again and hide it better. They are teenagers after all.

But she doesn’t.

YABU to not allow them to cook meat at home, unless you're allergic to it. It's their home, and meat isn't illegal or unhealthy – it's part of a natural omnivorous diet, and can be important for some people for iron absorption etc.

YANBU to expect them to use separate chopping boards and/or cooking utensils that you provide, or to expect them to clean up after themselves. It's rude and disrespectful for them not to do so, vegetarianism aside.

It’s so unbelievably ridiculous and ignorant to compare this to abuse - it’s actually disgusting. The OP is providing her children with a nutritious vegetarian diet at home while they can eat meat elsewhere - wtaf is wrong with people?! There are children being starved to death, beaten to death, subjected to the most horrific neglect … THAT is abuse. People need to grow the fuck up. To say this will impact their relationship…fgs. They are being asked not to eat one food group, some of the time. If this is the biggest issue they have, I think they’ll cope.

Yes although the kids live there and it is their home it is the OPs house. She’s the adult. She sets the boundaries and rules, she makes the decisions. She can seek their input but for important stuff like this, she makes the call. Eventually, they will move out and they can do whatever they like.

In addition, thus is clearly a very deeply held moral belief. It’s been a whole lifetime of never eating meat. It’s not like a fad or a recent change or something she’s out of the blue forced onto them. She’s made it very very clear to them, they are able to eat meat out of the home, there is just no reason for them to have meat in the house when it means this much to her. It’s wholly irrelevant what other vegetarians and vegans do - this is her belief and they should respect it. I hope they apologise and mean it. And I say all this as a meat eater.

I really don’t see it as controlling, what do your kids eat? I expect they eat what you buy and what you allow in your house, what if the 18 year old wants to get pissed up on vodka a few nights a week during dinner is that fine aswell because god forbid she controls what happens in her house. My kids are the same age as hers I know exactly what they are like at this age and it’s not disgusting at all saying they are entitled and disrespectful or is it the word shit you don’t like? It’s not like they’re 3 year olds and don’t know any better. The amount of posts on here about people not letting their teenagers spend more than 1 hour a day on a computer or giving them a curfew or monitoring everything they do and that’s not classed as controlling but telling them they will eat what it’s in the house is. I’ve never had any trouble with either of my kids, both good at school, no hanging around the streets absolutely great young people but every so often they do things like this completely disregarding my wishes and see absolutely nothing wrong and I’ll tell them they are entitled and disrespectful shits because we have honest conversations in my house and sometimes we get mad with each other because that’s real life with an adult child and one heading that way

You’re not doing yourself or other vegetarians any favours by labelling everyone else who doesn’t agree with you a ‘bigot’.

Eating meat is in no way comparable to getting drunk. That's as ridiculous as comparing vegetarianism to abuse (which it isn't, unless it's affecting the children's health).

But expecting her children to never be able to eat meat at home is a little like expecting your child to wear a hijab when they go out even if they don't want to; it's controlling, inflicting your restrictive personal beliefs onto someone else, and unnecessary.

They're teenagers, and if they cook it for themselves (and in future, clean up after themselves!) they should be allowed to do so.

Yes, food in their own home and developing a natural healthy relationship with food, is very different from taking drugs in the house.

It shows how completely radicalised and extreme in nature your position is, that you can't comprehend this for even a moment.

But surely, for he op drunk teenagers and eating meat are both morally wrong and therefore she is entitled to say whether something immoral (which is always subjective). Happens in her house.and yes it is her house (albeit the children’s home).

I love the way this thread has shown the hypocrisy of mums net which is nearly always -your house your rules. It’s clearly having trouble once the MN hated vegetarian is thrown into the mix. I suppose at least she wasn’t vegan right? There she round prob have been told to cook the meat and eat it.

"You’re forcing your beliefs onto them, that’s the long & short of it."

Yep. Pretty much what all parents do to their children until they finish school and move out.

You keep calling it your house..Do they have a separate house that they call home where they can cook their own meals?

🙄 massive eye roll.
Yes, the poor sod was probably skeletal. Scarfed a pound of bacon the moment he got a chance.
Christ on a bike. 🤦‍♀️

You do realize vegan and vegetarian are nit new ways of eating. It isn't some bandwagon OP has recently jumped on. Everyone is making this about the food. It's about respect.
The children are not malnourished. Not deprived of choice outside of home. Not eating a burger or a steak or whatever meat at home does not make the dc hard done by. Controlling would be the OP insisting the dc follow her food preferences always and everywhere.

You're also equals as partners. Quite different.

But you are depriving them of the ability to eat higher quality unprocessed meat during the holidays because they can’t cook in the home, so unless you are giving them enough money to spend on more than a Burger King everyweek day or they can take themselves to a pub/restaurant everyday how are they supposed to get high quality protein and nutrient dense meat during the holidays? Presumably during term time they can have school lunches to get meat daily if they want it and maybe you taken them out for at least one meal at weekends?

Also not comparable to smoking, vaping, drugs or even having boyfriends over which are all potentially harmful as children (and adults), meat is a normal part of most people’s diets and provides important nutritional benefits.

They are clearly telling you they want to eat decent quality meat because they are trying to cook it themselves, yes they should have cleaned up, but you need to find a way to support them especially aa growing teenagers and especially during the holidays when they probably doing have no access to school and sound too old
fo be in school holiday clubs.

I find it interesting it’s happened towards end of holidays - they are probably craving it.

However you don’t seem to want to take on board it’s not like smoking, drinking alcohol so doubt anything will change. I feel sorry for your kids

My father used to say 'My house, my rules' when he switched the TV off in front of us kids if he saw us watching something that affected his prudish and religious sensibilities. I remember he switched it off once when 'the Simpsons' showed a cartoon sperm swimming to an egg.

argh I totally understand how you feel @Meetmeinlove.

I‘m a lifelong vegetarian living in an entirely meat free household including husband. I have made the same offer to my teens (re meat) but thankfully they have remained vegetarian and passionately so.

I’d be absolutely fuming, they’ve disrespected your wishes, broken your rules and been utterly inconsiderate. I’d reclaim my space by getting rid of any utensils they used and then have a very stern word.