cant afford to give ds what he wants for his birthday

[dinosaursroars]

Ds is 17 on friday and all he has asked me for is money because he wants to save for a moped and he knows it will take a while he currently doesnt have anything so the money i give would be a starting point

His dad hasnt seen him in over a year and is unlikely to get anything from him last year he didn’t even have a happy birthday message or asked about his gcses (was the same day) and hes still not texted him in over a year and ds doesnt bother msging him but i know it upsets him

we dont see his family either and i have none so hes only getting something from me like always

i dont know how much money to give him i csnt afford it tbh with back to school and i dont think just £50 and nothing else is good enough and i want to give him more but i cant afford more with back to school and uniforms and food but then i feel guilty

how much is okay to five him?

The thing is OP if he wants a moped he is going to have to get a part time job to fund it, as mopeds are expensive.

We would all like to be able to give our children what they ask for within reason, but that's not always possible. He must realise that you don't have a lot of money, so I think £50 is fine, but like another poster said does he realise how expensive it will be with all the other costs involved.

When he gets a job then he can save up for big things. That isn’t something I’d get for my jobless 17 year old! She’s in further education . If I gave her a moped then and she could never afford the insurance, MOT, tax, repairs and fuel!!! Why would you think this was a good gift?! Just give him the fifty pounds and let him dream about getting one. Encourage him to get a job. I give my teens £50 for birthdays and a bit more for Christmas. It’s important to live within your means and not get into debt. I do actually think saving up for an electric bike would be better for him, with an excellent lock. As it is more achievable for him.

The OP has said nothing to indicate that he's scum and wants a moped to mug people.

Well, where I live is currently having a huge issue with electric bikes, scooters and mopeds. And I live in a small town with fewer than 8000 people. And it’s a huge nightmare. We now have police patrolling the town square and Main Street.
All those kids are there to cause trouble on these things. And none of them are good kids, from decent families, doing well in schools etc. They very much are the stereotype we’re all thinking of.

None of the good kids have these bikes or mopeds.

🙄

£50 is plenty! Why do you need to give him more?

Big assumption on your part.

Would you say that if he was saving for a car?

All youngsters on electric bikes, scooters and mopeds - only have them so that they can steal?

You don't know where they live. Or anything about this boy, except that he's asked for a very modest contribution to save up for something.

Perhaps he needs the transport

The OP is already upset, why add to it with comments like that?

As for "the stereotype we are all thinking of." It's highly likely that's just you.

Suggestion

Investigate some local motorbike groups who provide training for learner riders.
They may provide a moped to do the training courses on & the gear too.
Some courses you may need to pay for.
I strongly recommend doing a rider course.

Apply for his providional driving license

Find out cost of insurance for 17, 18 year old

Good luck

It's an issue where I am as well but what is your suggestion for someone who is 17 and needs transport on a budget?

Do you really not know any decent kids with mopeds?
I know quite a few who use them to get to jobs/college.

And he will have something, that being, what you can afford to give him.

I am not thinking of any stereotype, regarding people who ride mopeds, or electric scooters, or bikes thanks very much! I know 'decent' people, who use these modes of transport.

I’m not going to rise to your disingenuous virtue signalling. We all know the kids who are running around through town centres on those things.

I think £50 is fine TBH.Its what you can realistically afford.We would all like to give thousands/buy a Moped outright.same as we would all like a mansion/country cottage .Alas a flat or some cash has to suffice for most of us sadly!

Not virtue signalling.

Just pointing out that you don't know the boy in question.

"We all know the kids who are running around through town centres on those things."

I don't. I do know some at our local 6th form college who use bikes, scooters or mopeds for transport to and from. They are not scum.

Stop derailing the OP's thread.

I actually don't know one person who owns a moped just for getting around, theres no way i would get my son a moped.
There are probably hundreds of teenagers around where I live just race around streets, parks etc.
I assume the people on here have lovely kids who carefully go around on their mopeds but that's not the reality for the majority of teenagers across the country with mopeds.

OP, how's he going to fund the insurance for it?

You clearly live in a lovely rural village if you don't know that scummy teenagers drive through town centre (or anywhere) on mopeds.

£50 is a good starting point. Perhaps you could find a good image of a moped, stick it on a moneybox and make a big thing of 'moped funds'? Little more at Xmas? That's not long away. If he can start earning a bit, part time if at college he will get the ball rolling.

Loads of kids want big things but they don't all get them so please don't feel guilty OP. Can afford what can afford. When he's saved up, he is going to absolutely adore and value that moped, prob get more enjoyment than someone who gets one handed on a whim.

One thing tho, maybe if can afford it, get him a cake and perhaps wrap up a small gift, like if he has a favourite treat so he has something to open. Happy 17th to your son, one of my favourite ages growing up!

I've seen it happen when driving through city's but never in my local town. It wouldn't be my first thought, around here teens use them for getting to college/work/friends houses as buses to villages aren't reliable.

Sorry i meant his request for something that silly that also costs so much is unwise and unrealistic. £50 isn’t going to make any kind of dent, how is he going to save up himself? And there has been no mention from op about consideration of insurance. I understand DS should have something nice for his birthday, but I would question whether his goal is realistic or sensible, considering op’s financial situation.

He knows he’s not actually getting a moped 🙄 thats not even what he’s asked for he knows it will take a while to save but its what he wants

he was ment to have a job interview today and i gave him money for a hair cut and bus money but they canceled last minute and he said doesnt want to work somewhere like that because if he had canceled it wouldve looked bad but they think its ok

my other 2 children this year got what they wanted and my other ds probably will at the end of the year but hes only turning 6 so it will be cheaper

if not working i have a baby and only work term time anyway but its the fact its school holidays so theyre eating more and its back to school and ds3 is starting year 7 so needed a full uniform and a phone because he’s autistic and will be travelling on his own with ds2 so will need to txt me or his brother so he knows where to meet after school because i dont drive so i cant take him and ill be doing the primary school run

his dad didnt say happy birthday last year and hasnt texted him for god knows how long it was well before his birthday last year and hes not texting me or ds2 either when it was ds2&3 birthday or to ask how they are

Can your partner help then? Planning a new baby would have included planning the financials and how to cover your maternity leave. Is he sticking to what was agreed and funding the things that need funded so you still have some money to spend on your other kids?

What are his expectations? You need to make sure his expectations are clear.
You don’t need to feel guilty. If it makes you feel any better, I got bank transferred £17 for my 17th birthday. 🤣 not even a card or a box of chocolates or socks etc.
I’d try to give him the £50, alongside some socks, chocolate/ sweets, small things to open. I’d probably tell him, you’ll do £40 to start him off and a share bag of haribo. Then he’ll be so pleasantly surprised it’s £50 and a few extra things.

What do the dads contribute? Are you getting any maintenance?

My bf isnt his dad and doesnt live with us. i dont expect him to get my eldest something for his birthday

baby wasnt planned either

Whether baby was planned or not is irrelevant to CMS?