To say if you have something to ask me don’t demand a phone call?

[ScullyD]

I’m wondering if this is a generational thing. Im a millennial, my dad’s in his 60s.

Today I submitted my thesis, I’m a mature student in early 30s. I’ve spent most of the day napping and I’m really exhausted. The last year has been very intense.

anyway I had a missed call from my dad tonight then he messaged and said ‘can you call me please, I want to ask you something.’ AIBU to think if you have something to ask then ask in a message? Obviously I’m frazzled having just finished a thesis and I don’t want to call anyone. Plus I have to work tomorrow. AIBU to find this very annoying?

You were on this thread for two hours last night but we're too exhausted to have a quick chat with your Dad. Nice one.

Everyone gets a regular bowel cancer screening after 50

Its no bigger a deal than a woman’s regular smear test ffs!

FGS just call your dad back

I agree!

One of my friends goes on about ‘life admin’ and how it keeps her so busy. She lives alone but always chocker (yes I know single people can be busy, and no kids doesn’t mean not busy) but when I speak to her then it turns out ‘life admin’ includes washing her hair! So, just life, the same as everyone else.

Same! I’d give anything to speak to my dad again.

Today I submitted my thesis, I’m a mature student in early 30s. I’ve spent most of the day napping and I’m really exhausted. The last year has been very intense.

This really doesn't stop you picking up the phone and having a chat with your dad. Not sure what being a mature student has to do with it - those ten years younger manage both.

For many people, hours or even days on the internet can be far less draining than a few minutes on the phone. Fatigue is a feature of many conditions and of neurodiversity among other things. Many people live with conditions that are undiagnosed. I wouldn't have managed a phone call for many weeks after completing something like a thesis although it doesn't sound like the OP is quite as bad as I am.

have you now spoken to him? What did he want?@

What was the test? Was it the routine NHS FIT test for 50-74 year olds to be done at home and then posted? I've had this and when it was negative it wasn't even something that I mentioned to my adult children.

He does sound rather manipulative and attention seeking.

Doing a degree that she is so proud of but doesn't have the sense to distinguish between a request from a demand. God help us all.

Oh for goodness sake the excuses 🙄🙄

Embarrassing.

Why do you think it's an excuse? It's just the reality that many people with health issues or neurodivergence live with. I find it insane that people are so lacking in awareness when we have such high levels of poor health, disability and neurodivergence. OP has said she finds the phone exhausting and draining. Why dismiss something that someone has told you about how they experience something just because it's not how you experience something.

The OP has posted 12 times on this thread and not mentioned poor health, disability or neurodivergence once.

Are you saying she's either very forgetful or that you know more about her health than she does?

She has said she finds phone calls exhausting. I'm saying there are some very obvious reasons as to why that might be the case for her or for anyone - I lived with a dozen or so undiagnosed conditions for about 30 years until I inherited money and was able to access competent private medical care and this situation is incredibly common. The NHS were beyond useless and I lived for some of those years thinking maybe there was nothing wrong and I was just making "excuses" as some of the many low-competence NHS doctors I went to for help implied. Before that I could not tell people I had a condition or conditions but I would tell people I found phone calls exhausting and while some people were incredibly understanding and considerate, a small number of people in my life were dismissive, inconsiderate arseholes. Now I''m in online support groups for all of my conditions, this topic comes up frequently in many of them, with people being subjected to unwanted calls from friends and family members who just will not be dissuaded from the notion that they are doing something nice for the other person when it's anything but nice if you have limited energy for reasons you either understand or don't.

And even if the OP doesn't have any health issues causing the exhaustion, the fact still remains that she has said she finds phone calls exhausting under normal circumstances and has indicated that she is not under normal circumstances at the moment, having just finished a major and exhausting piece of academic research.

She has said she finds phone calls exhausting. I'm saying there are some very obvious reasons as to why that might be the case for her or for anyone

This thread is about her.

It's not about anyone.

If the OP has all these issues you're clutching at, she should mention them.

Otherwise you're just taking her thread on a tangent.

You have plenty of time and energy to chat on here, just give your dad a call.

Once again, I will repeat, SHE says she finds phone calls exhausting. That is all anyone needs to know. Because so many people seemed so lacking in awareness, I highlighted the many things that might cause someone to find phone calls exhausting and also pointed out it may be none of them. Regardless, she is allowed to find the phone an exhausting and unpleasant experience and to expect that someone as close to her as her dad might know this about her by this point and might hold off suggesting a phone call at such a busy and exhausting time for her. If it's an emergency he should say this.

And people continue to post comments along the lines of - you've managed to talk on here for hours, why can't you manage a call? Clearly people don't understand that there is a massive difference for a large section of the population.

Once again, I will repeat, SHE says she finds phone calls exhausting. That is all anyone needs to know.

Oh well thread closed then.

In fact if only you'd been the first poster there'd be no need for anyone else's opinons.

Plenty of room for everyone's opinions, but telling someone they're being ridiculous to find the phone exhausting just because some people don't is unhelpful. We're all different.

I (in my 50s) hate phone calls. Find them exhausting. For Dad though (in his 70s), they are his default. He's actually more likely to call urgently about trivial things ("do you want this thing I've unearthed from the cupboard?") than anything serious ("oh and I fell down the stairs last week and have 15 stitches"). I love him, I put up with it. I wish he'd embrace WhatsApp.

Mind you, FIL won't use a mobile phone at all.

All of this. I can do WhatsApp for little things but not for five minutes back and forth. And if you want an answer quickly, call me. I don't check for messages more than a couple of times a day. I schedule phone calls, though, if it's for a catch up.

Yeah, this I don't understand. The call could have been over quicker than posting here.

Your post definitely resonates. I do have a health condition which I had an operation for this year and treatment is ongoing . I do also suspect some kind of neurodivergence and I’m pretty sure my dad is undiagnosed (several family members think so). I don’t think mine is obvious but more masked. Anyway - thank you for understanding. I’m slightly better than yesterday but still so tired.

even so I’m going to call him after work.