To say if you have something to ask me don’t demand a phone call?

[ScullyD]

I’m wondering if this is a generational thing. Im a millennial, my dad’s in his 60s.

Today I submitted my thesis, I’m a mature student in early 30s. I’ve spent most of the day napping and I’m really exhausted. The last year has been very intense.

anyway I had a missed call from my dad tonight then he messaged and said ‘can you call me please, I want to ask you something.’ AIBU to think if you have something to ask then ask in a message? Obviously I’m frazzled having just finished a thesis and I don’t want to call anyone. Plus I have to work tomorrow. AIBU to find this very annoying?

I also find this annoying. It’s even more annoying at work. When a colleague sends me a Teams asking me to call them. No! You want to speak to me then you call me. I find it rude and annoying.

No, not speaking makes something out of nothing. It's much easier, kinder and sociable and empathetic to speak. Tone and nuance from a call don't allow for miscommunication or lack of understanding, they nurture deeper and stronger relationships and remove anxiety or confusion because you can actually discuss things, listen and respond in proper sentences.

Oh you poor poppet.

You’re exhausted. Want a week long break for yourself. Want to crawl into a cave as you’ve been under pressure/ stress.

im sure there have many times over the last 30 years that you’re parents have felt exactly the same while raising you. But they would’ve been there for you and given you any time or attention you needed (unless there is a massive drip feed coming). So I think the least you can do is have a 10 min chat.

if you do it tomorrow, just call and straight away say you’ve only got 10 mins as you have an appointment at x time. At least then you’ll know what it’s about and can call back for longer if the topic is worthy of your time

Massive name change fail.

Not sure why all the arsehole responses

People are allowed to be tired and not want to immediately return calls

We weren’t meant to be this contactable every minute of every day , it’s dreadful for mental health.

There's some kind of OP user name change fail happening here.

OP was @ScullyD

Wow that’s probably the first time anyone’s ever changed their name on mumsnet then 😱

Absolutely. And this is what it would have been like when my parents were my age too! Not always switched on and contactable.

i think I’ll try to sleep soon and give him a quick call tomorrow citing exhaustion. As I said we don’t have a great relationship lately so I suppose it’s about more than that.

anyway thanks for understanding replies! I can see this thread is now going to be made about the ‘name change fail’ unfortunately as I realise this like the last deadly sin.

Sleep well ☺️

Well done on the Thesis , huge huge accomplishment!

Thank you, thank you! Hopefully I’ll feel more reasonable in the morning.

Wrong place to ask op as people here are closer to age than your dad so they don't get it. Younger generations are sick of everyone feeling entitled to access us at all times due to phones. I get it 100%

Phone calls drain my energy in a way that texts do not. When someone asks you something via text you can take your time to think before responding, instead of having to give an answer right away. Phone calls are exhausting

Did you just write a thesis OP?

🙄 this gets more precious by the minute.

No but I think she just handed one in.

I'm old. I hate talking on the phone and try my best to never do it.

Yes I finished writing it last night and handed in this morning.

I hate talking on the phone (older millennial).

I think to me it feels like a demand and I'm rather demand avoidant, makes me anxious. I struggle to process verbal information and much prefer text/email so I can process and then reply.

Mobile phones mean we are always contactable and I hate the expectation that comes with that.

Just get some rest OP. Sounds like you need it and that's fine. If he sulks he sulks.

Top tip, set a loud timer for five or ten minutes into a call if you suspect it may be a long and draining one.

Absolutely. So draining. Until about 7pm I actually put my phone in a drawer today! Just had to disconnect.

ive said ill call him tomorrow for a ‘quick call’ so will be enforcing that. I’m really not up to anything more. Also a bit stressed wondering what he’s going to ask me if it puts me on the spot while I’m already feeling frayed. We will see.

It's not precious, I am autistic so I take time to process, that's all. Not everything is people being precious or spoiled, disabled people exist you know

YABU to not want to speak to your dad because you met your deadline, it’s an achievement but it’s not the end of the world.

YANBU to mind the “can you give me a call?” without any further info and finding it unnerving. My mum does it a lot and I freak out and it’s usually something like “have you spoken to your brother recently” or “when’s a good time for me to visit”. My mum also won’t just phone me herself but demands I phone her which given she’s retired and I’m in an office is cheeky. I have pointed out it’s much easier to pop out to answer a call than pop out to make a call.

@dogproblems1 Not everyone is the same but you've lumped together a whole group of MNers with the age thing.

This is ridiculous! Imagine you had some serious problems.

And was I wrong