To say if you have something to ask me don’t demand a phone call?

[ScullyD]

I’m wondering if this is a generational thing. Im a millennial, my dad’s in his 60s.

Today I submitted my thesis, I’m a mature student in early 30s. I’ve spent most of the day napping and I’m really exhausted. The last year has been very intense.

anyway I had a missed call from my dad tonight then he messaged and said ‘can you call me please, I want to ask you something.’ AIBU to think if you have something to ask then ask in a message? Obviously I’m frazzled having just finished a thesis and I don’t want to call anyone. Plus I have to work tomorrow. AIBU to find this very annoying?

Maybe as youve got older you’ve got more difficult? He wants to ask you something - give him a call. You sound the selfish one. Its all me me me

Can’t you just give him a quick ring, tell him you’re going out shortly, and just have a little chat?

You sound very self absorbed.

I know! I’ve heard it all now.

OP, be wary of turning an anecdote into a statement of fact.

He's asking you to phone him not drop everything and go around and visit him.
My dad can be difficult (he's in his 80s) but I wouldn't be annoyed if he tried to phone me and then left a message saying can you ring me. He's just asking you to call back.
You don't like talking on the phone, I understand that but you're talking to your dad not a stranger.
If it matters that much then just don't bother or just text him but having a busy few weeks is a pretty rubbish excuse for not speaking to your dad.

This

In short - you're feeling grumpy and overthinking the whole thing. Put your phone on silent and go have a nap.

How selfish of you. One day he wont be there to want to have a chat with his daughter, then you'll have all the peace you want.

This OP is continuing the conversation using two user names during one thread.

I'm sure that even all knowing you doesn't see that very often..

I understand to a degree . I hate using the phone and am very worn out by being a single mum and a full time carer to a disabled child, I’m being assessed for ASD and the summer holidays are really hard , I just need down time alone occasionally in my room . This is when my dad always texts me he needs to talk . I’ve learnt over time it’s never an emergency , he’s in his 80s with cancer and a full time carer for my mum with advanced Alzheimer’s and has no one else to talk to . Sometimes I just take a deep breath and talk to him , if I really can’t face the human contact I say I have a bad headache and will call him later / tomorrow . I appreciate how lonely it must be for him and he won’t be around forever and I don’t want to regret not talking to him in the future .

Many older people prefer a phone call to messages.

I think you're over reacting sorry unless he is normally very demanding. He sent you one message to say 'can you call me please' which is a polite request not a demand. Its totally fine to ask if its urgent and say if not you'll call him I'm a couple of days because you're very busy

My Dad used to do this. I'd be knee deep in work, my masters and caring for my children and yes, I'd sigh and it would frustrate the hell out of me.
That being said, he passed away earlier this year and I would literally do anything, anything for another of those texts and calls.
Also...telling you he had a cancer scare isn't unimportant. It was probably terrifying. This is were empathy comes in OP. Try to remember nothing is permanent in this life and one day you'll wish you had listened for ten minutes because, when all is said and done, I'd have my Dad before worrying about any thesis.

Both @ScullyD and the name change of @LoisLaneKent have very weird posting histories. This OP is a funny one that is for sure.

That's exactly what not to do. OP wants to switch off - to recharge an overstimulated brain after several days/weeks of intense concentration and stress.
She needs junk TV, gentle pottering or mindless scrolling. All low energy, no concentration required.

My Dad was great. He didn't call very often and when he did it was for something important. But he sent me very long emails full of what he was up to, family history, things he'd been listening to or watching. I could read them at my leisure and respond in kind when I had time, often a day or more later. A wonderful, no stress way of connecting.

he did! In fact I think I was about 2 when he was finishing it.

I think @abracadabra1980 has it, I’m going to have to adjust to the elderly parents phase of life. I keep telling myself they’re early 60s so shouldn’t be like this yet but I’m deluded.theyve both started changing since retirement, maybe im unlucky.

Just finished up your thesis
and you choose to celebrate bitching about your dad on Mumsnet

What I wouldn’t give to have the opportunity to have another call with my late father or mother. Get over yourself. He’s your dad and wants a chat. Could be big could be nothing.

Not if the person you're phoning doesn't like phone calls though. You don't nurture relationships with people who don't like phone calls by phoning them. That is not kind, sociable or empathetic.

Congratulations, definitely rest and recuperate after submitting your thesis

My mum doesn't like messages and she's not great on the phone. I used to find phoning her when I got off the train on my way to work. It was a 7-10.minute walk and it was just perfect for a quick call where she got to ask what she needed without I long awkward conversation that I don't know how to exit without offending her.

this is a two sided scenario - one does and needs it, one hates it - compromise and respect is what's required.

Edited to add: this isn't a relationship though, this is a very one sided sad situation where a father wants and expects an adult relationship with his daughter, but she is so self centred she has zero regard for him. He hasn't recognised that yet, and I truly hope for his own sake that he doesn't.

I'm amazed that YOU find HIM selfish! 👀

The world doesn't stop spinning because you've decided to do something that benefits you.

You're too exhausted to have a quick chat with your dad, but fine to sit on the internet moaning to strangers about him?

I expect when he's gone you'll be starting a thread bemoaning your lack of inheritance.

actually I have no issue with this.

People were the same when voicemails first came out and people left a message saying “it’s x. Can you call me back”.

Not everything can be translated well in text. He tired to call. He left a message to ask him to call him back.

Surely at your convenience that’s actually better than himjust trying to call again - when it’s inconvenient to you?

He sounds like the more self centred one to me - she says that the calls are always about him. She doesn't even expect him to ask about her thesis and he doesn't even seem to know that his daughter doesn't like the phone.