AIBU to feel contextual offers are unfair after my son's results?

[ThatQuickLilacOrca]

Results Day last Thursday and son is beyond devastated. This experience has made us realise that there’s so much discrimination on children who have attended private school. We are not wealthy at all, DHs parents have helped us pay for our three children’s education. DH and I have normal jobs I work in the civil service and DH works in policy side of things for network rail.

Anyway I am saying this because of contextual offers why can’t everyone just get the same offer based on merit. Our son had an oxford offer he missed that he got AAA instead of his offer which was A A A now he cannot go to his dream university he was rejected as he missed the offer. He is planning to resit further maths again in hopes of getting an A and we will support him with that it’s just quite sad but he’ll get over it he’ll apply again for next year the school has been ever so supportive.

He overachieved on his offer yet there’s kids getting in with less grades than him just because of the schools they go to. We did initially think for him to go to grammar school for sixth form as we have friends who’s children left independently school for sixth form for grammar schools to get lower offers for Oxbridge and one of them messaged me saying “I told you so” as her son got into Oxford for the exact same course he was just given a lower offer. I am so annoyed

I guess this is a lesson for my son he has realised the world isn’t fair and it’s quite a motivator for him. He’s a hardworking boy, he has spent some is his summer in South America teaching maths, he went to a maths competition in America this summer too, this is a very dedicated boy we have spoken to the university but they wrong budge they’re willing for him to resit and reapply next year.

I think contextual offers should only really be for young carers, children who have been in foster care, children with disabilities etc not just because of your address and the school you go to that is very unfair. Most parents at Indys are catching onto this lots are sending their children to grammar schools/state schools so they get lower offers. It’s an awful system that we have in this country. I’m so hurt for him but I know this will motivate him. He’s our eldest and we were looking forward to dropping him off at Oxford not Durham, he out Durham as his insurance he never wanted to go there! They did accept him but what’s the point, he was so upset when he logged into UCAS to see that and some is my friends advice was that he should just go to Durham why should he go to a university he doesn’t want to to. He put them as insurance because it’s the smart thing to do but deep down he always thought he’d get into Oxford. He still went out and celebrated his friends but he’ll be back to school in September, he’s looking forward to visiting his friends that are going to university and he’s recently got a part time job at an art gallery and he’s loving it so at least he’s got an extra year to enjoy that.

Sorry for the rant. Any parent just wants their son to be happy he’ll get over it in a couple of weeks as his application needs to be in by Oct so we will have to just see how this round goes he’s willing to give it one more shot.

As others have already said it is unlikely his resit results will be viewed the same way as the first set. Of course it’s easier to get better results if you are only studying 1 or 2 A levels and not 3 or 4, and that’s why they are more interested his first set of results when he was studying all his a levels at the same time. He unlikely to get in and should be making better decisions rather than trying to prove a point, which isn’t going to go in his favour anyway.

I know / know of several people at Oxbridge / or who have been there. Those who scraped in (by which I mean they met the grade offer exactly and no more) have struggled a bit. I would genuinely consider whether going only after re-sitting is really the best for him.

You say he will work harder, but a natural Oxbridge candidate from private school, with the advantages that brings, will ace their A levels even without working as hard as they might. They are just naturally brilliant.

At Oxbridge, bright students struggle amongst exceedingly bright students. Struggling at Oxbridge is not fun.

I suspect Oxford recognise this and he may not even get an offer if he has no reason for re-sitting other than “I didn’t work hard enough”. How would he cope with that rejection?

Oh, DS got an interview but didn't get through. I expect he didn't demonstrate enough interest in the subject.
He was disappointed for a day, and shook it off. It was the year after Covid, so competition was stiff.

I really don't think your DS should do resits. There are so many good unis for maths.

By reapply I mean to a variety of unis that he'd love to go to!

Contextual offers are absolutely fair. At DD’s independent school, they have a separate study group for Oxbridge candidates through years 12 and 13. These are run by teachers who are Oxbridge graduates who coach and guide them through the whole process. Advise them on wider subject reading, assist with their personal statements, give them practice entrance tests, and basically hold their hand every step of the way.

That’s on top of the extremely small class sizes and support bordering on spoon-feeding.

There needs to be an acknowledgement by the colleges that some kids have performed well due to that and others have performed well despite not receiving that level of coaching.

Is it worth seeking to have the paper remarked?
I got a B in German and my school couldn’t understand it so they sought to have it remarked. I’m not sure it helped to know I was one mark off an A! (No such thing as A* back then)

As PPs have said, Oxford don’t like resits, they may accept them with extenuating circumstances. They also like to see that students can cope with achieving top grades in 3 A levels in a single year to prove they can cope with the work load. So if he’s determined to resit, he’d need to do all three. And he’ll be competing alongside all the (exceptional) kids applying this year, who don’t need to do resits. They’re not short on bright kids to choose from.

In a way you tried to game the system as well, OP. You sent your son to a top school with tutors etc so he would have an advantage over children whose parents or grandparents can’t afford to pay for their children to do the same.

Sadly the child is being “guided” poorly and has already let go of the Durham place in a fit of pique. He might not want to go but taking some to reflect might have been wise.

OP if you take anything from this thread - please let it be that both you and he need to understand the process better. It’s clear neither of you really do.

Having an insurance place that you definitely don’t want to go to is really stupid and smacks of arrogance.

Please speak to your school’s university admission
mentor before making any more rash decisions.

Ok - firstly - there is no way that a child who went to private school then a grammar got a contextual offer. Offers do vary between different Oxbridge colleges - each college makes its own decision about how they structure the “Applicants to offers” and then “offers to places” ratios. Some colleges see the interview as the most important thing and so make fewer lower offers. (Oxbridge low not real low! 😂) Others see results as most important and so make more offers per place but higher offers.

Secondly - yes Oxford will theoretically take those who are resitting but you need a bloody good reason. “Missed half of Year 13 because I was having chemotherapy.” type reason. You mention bereavement. Was that a parent or sibling? A grandparent is unlikely to be seen as a big enough bereavement as most kids lose a grandparent before they are 18.

Finally - a good question to ask yourself before embarking on an action is “what if this goes exactly as I want it to?” Ie he gets into Oxford. He then has to cope with Oxbridge work for the next 3 years. I did maths at Cambridge. Despite getting better than the offer (could have not sat entire papers and still got in type better) and going to a very bog standard comp I still found it really really hard. Sobbing on the phone to my parents about it kind of hard. Looking back on it now I am not convinced it was worth it. I could have gone to Nottingham or Southampton or Bristol or wherever and had so much easier a time and got a comfortable first. Instead I went to Cambridge and sweated blood for my 2.1. And I doubt it would have made the blindest bit of difference career wise. And like I said - I sailed in. And then got there and discovered every other bugger sailed in too.

I think op is thinking if she’d transferred him to
state sixth form he’d have had an offer of AAA or something and so would have made the offer.
But that’s a big assumption offer would have been lower.
Plus no guarantee in a big class/possibly no teacher state set up he’d have managed to get AAA especially coming from private and used to a different approach (my dd in a state grammar sixth form had no teacher in one subject for most of yr13 - that wouldn’t fly with paying parents)
He wouldn’t have had the same level of assistance with Oxford interviews and prep.
The school aren’t neutral in their advice about this they are getting another years fees..

He didnt get the grades. Does oxford even take with resits?

Don't get the fixation on Oxford. As parents you should have tempered his expectations.

He probably had shed load coaching in his private school for prep, interview etc that doesnt exist in standard high schools.

Dont understand why you didnt tour about to find a uni he did really like as his back up.

This a like a post of teens whining that their A stars make their As look bad (and they need slapped)

I think your Somalian friend should check her privilege - 5 minutes in the country and an offer from Oxford?

Just for balance our DD decided to switch from state to private for sixth form (on a very generous bursary)as her state school didn’t do the A level subjects she aspired to study. She took herself off and found somewhere that did.
She then managed to get into Oxbridge from a private school so the discrimination you mention can’t be too bad. This was only a couple of years ago.

While oxford technically do accept resits they don’t see them as worthy as the grade from the first attempt. I would expect someone who is genuinely good at maths, at a private school and with a tutor to very easily achieve an A*. He will also need to do significant work over the year to improve his personal statement.

The careers guidance at his school must have been very poor if he only put one insurance, and an insurance he didn’t actually want.

I was living alone age 17, working fulltime and doing a-levels at the local college (when work didn’t clash) and I was able to get a very high A, I’m too old for an A star, but I only dropped one mark within the papers so it would have been an A star I guess.

Imperial and St Andrews are both better regarded for maths.

You are doing your son a major disservice by adopting and encouraging this “poor me” narrative. Why do you think he will get another Oxford offer in the coming round, having not made the grades for the last one? They have their pick of a huge pool of talented and committed applicants. Second-time applicants who do well tend to be those who have aced their exams and turn up with the extra maturity and confidence that brings them - not those who are having another go at A levels after not quite working hard enough to meet their offer. They won’t ban him from applying again, but he would do well to be realistic about his prospects.

Feel free to come on over to the Higher Education threads, where lots of parents are helping their DC to process difficult results and their consequences. There are several who have missed their Oxbridge offers, and others who have missed their Durham offers, but that’s how it goes and there are other great opportunities to be seized. There’s a lot of grace and perspective and mutual support over there, if you want to join in.

The point of contextual adjustment is precisely to select on merit, for a candidate to achieve a result in spite of a challenging school or other background is a positive factor when viewed alongside the broader admissions process.

There is no discrimination against private schools, it can seem so because they can push students to great exam results regardless of lower aptitude. Oxbridge selection filters this out, it's not just about A levels.

Your son sounds brilliant and motivated and will likely do well wherever he goes. If he's passionate about his subject, why does it have to be Oxford? It has the history and the cachet but there's lots to dislike about it.

You tried to play the game and lost. Hard luck

I'm not sure what the benefit would be of him resitting his A Levels rather than choosing a different uni though. Imagine he gets a similar result next time. A huge knock to his ego knowing he'd let his parents down...again

What percentage of the people on the course je wanted are there because of contextual offers @ThatQuickLilacOrca ? If he wanted Oxford then the answer is zero as Oxford dont make contextual offers.

Boo f**king hoo "my privately educated privileged son didn't get in to Oxford". Imagine begrudging disadvantaged kids getting a leg up with contextual offers .
If i were you i would delete this whole thread and never post again

What happens if he fails to get in next time? Its not teaching the best life lessons here.

He did amazingly. He has an offer for a great uni. Why waste that for a slim chance next year?

Also after uni of he applies for a job at a certain company and doesnt get it what's he going to do? Keep applying until he does? NO. He will apply to another job at another company!

Please do go to the Higher Education threads. There is plenty of good advice there.
He may not get into Oxford next year either. Don't encourage self-pity and comparison with others, particularly state school kids who do not get any support.

Yuck

My 'poor' state school educated child (she was also only 17 and didn't turn 18 until 2 months before first year ended) is at one of the top universities in Scotland and she got there on her own merits despite her poor education, she studied hard and taught herself most of the subjects due to very poor teachers.

Children at a lot of state schools have an uphill battle due to very poor teachers and a lack of subjects available. Your child has had a private education with the opportunity for so many subjects that many don't have and he has not achieved what he wanted, time to lower your entitled expectations!

You make it sound that a contextual offer means a student sails in without any effort. My child had contextual offers, but they were still high grades (AAB). You are right, life is unfair. Our town has one secondary school which had issues with a high turnover of staff, a reliance on supply teachers, overcrowding and numerous other issues. We also wanted the best of the best for our children but circumstances have meant that we cannot afford private school nor can we afford to move to other towns with better secondary schools. My child worked their socks off, despite all the challenges they had in the school and they excelled their contextua offerl. They earned their place and are succeeding in the course they are doing.

You are getting angry at the wrong people. Your child didn't make the grade and this is something that happens to loads of children, even those with contextual.offers. These unis are full of privately educated children. Nothing wrong with giving others opportunities.