AIBU to find a beach holiday with our only child exhausting?

[Flowydress]

We are on a week’s beach holiday with 15 yr old DS. He’s an only child. It’s so intense. He’s really full on and exhausting. I didn’t want a beach holiday as I feel active trips are better for our family dynamic but he and DH wanted to slob about. we also asked DS if he wanted a friend to come but he didn’t - so instead he just tells me several times when here that holidays are when he misses having a sibling. 😬

I love him to bits but he, and it, is hard work and I feel sad and just want to be at home. I know DH feels the same. I feel incredibly sad that DS might feel that way too

You don’t need to go to the beach every day. He needs something fun to do he’s bored. Take him to a water park.

I am sure you know this and others have said it also but the dynamic can be just as bad when a sibling is there so don't beat yourself up. When our oldest was 13 or 14 we went to a lovely European center parc and he just spent the whole time in his room that he shared with his brother, looking at his phone, didn't engage with the activities, didn't want to get up, moaned that the beds were awful, he couldn't sleep, he hated sharing a room, he didn't like the beach. We had the opposite to you, there was plenty to do nearby, both inside the resort and out, but he wanted to drive to the capital city (we had specifically chosen the holiday so we didn't have to drive places). There were some reasons apart from teenagerhood he behaved like that which we only found out afterwards but I honestly think what a teen does and doesn't like is hard to predict.

What were your expectations of this holiday? For your 15 year old teenage boy to lie on a lounger and stay silent for 8 hours a day?

I don’t think you can blame this on him being an only child tbh. Holidays with teenagers are a nightmare, they are all like this - grumpy, barely speak, just want to sleep etc. that would happen whether there where 1 or 2 of them so I wouldn’t feel bad. 15 is a tough age!

Some feedback for you: you sound like my cousin, who would very snottily tell people that her child enjoyed cultural holidays, not kids club type holidays, and was mortified when her child complained at a big family gathering that they couldn't go on fun holidays like the rest of the kids.

I'm not saying your son wants an enforced fun holiday, but you've replied pretty snottily to PPs who have suggested a different type of holiday might have been better.

i was looking after my sibling and the household at 15. Tell him to grow up.

Mine at this age was in bed on phone half the time , but also liked walking on his own and going off for coffee etc. we only spent a
small part of the day together. It would be intense, you’re right, and you’re probably ready to pull away a bit even if he isn’t. At this stage I would only go to places he could move around independently ie towns not middle of nowhere.

I’ve never once said he wants cultural holidays or think im better than anyone else. This is your projection and your chip on your shoulder. I’m allowed to say what I think works for us and what doesn’t - and I’ve accepted that I got this trip wrong. I’m sorry if I’m not falling on my sword sufficiently enough for you and I’m sorry you feel inferior to your cousin but don’t come and project onto me. I’m talking specifically about this holiday, we have had lots of successful trips.

Christ, I came on here feeling vulnerable and there’s always someone looking to twist the knife,

A couple of years ago there was a thread about how to decide on a family holiday.

When I said that we gave our dc as teenagers a good amount of input into what they would like (close to beach, gym, AI, a room separate to me and DH), I got absolutely pounced on saying that if parents were paying, why should dc get so much say into the holiday?!

Well, I stand by our tactics - we’ve not once had a situation like @Flowydress is describing where there is a mismatch of expectations. We tried our best to tick as many boxes as possible for all 4 of us and it was appreciated by everyone

Thanks, I appreciate all of this

Ironically, he had loads of input! I don’t book anything or even think about anything unless I have a consensus. Unfortunately that doesn’t always arrive at the right result, as I’m finding out

TBH I don't think this poster said anything wrong, and dont think she was attacking you, but you started the thread, presumably wanting advice. I was going to say similar to her - that on paper it doesn't sound like a great holiday for a 15year old only child, I speak from experience as I have one of those and in my case, I'm a single mum which increases the intensity and changes the dynamic even more. I learned that any holidays, especially as he got older, need to allow for independence from you, so kids clubs when he was younger, youth activities when older and everything close to hand so that he can go off on his own (within reason) - e.g. doesn't need a lift to the beach. That's not an attack btw, we learn from experience. The plan now is how to rescue the rest of the holiday. Maybe break it up so the he has a day doing something with his dad, giving you a break and vice versa. Something that worked for me on our last trip was to give over a few days where DS decided what we did - and I just went along with it, one 'activity' was get up really early and head into town for breakfast, and then walk back (took 90minutes). Not the greatest plan on paper, but actually turned into a really great day. I also pretty much forced him to venture out on his own - still in the hotel - but finding different activities, even just watching Premier League football at the beach bar without me, using the gym, going for meals without me.

Having a sibling would never have guaranteed a 'friend' to play or hang out with.
My sister was an absolute bitch from as young as I could remember! She would never hang out with me on holiday so I would go off and make my own friends. She would then muscle in and try and push me out! Very selfish girl who would never share toys etc and constantly told tales on me.
Guess what, we're no contact as adults!

Neilson next year. Perfect for only children of any age.

The idea that a second child would make your son less lonely doesn't make sense. Not all siblings get along, and if they do as children, some fall out. It's really a flawed way of thinking. The bond a person has with a sibling is very similar to having a very good best friend. Please don't feel guilty not having another child just to keep your son happy. It doesn't make sense.

Family holidays in general can be tough, I find! All that trying to coordinate things together (like eating etc), as compared to back home when everyone has a bit more space, privacy and independence.

Oh jesus, I think you should read your replies to people before you talk about chips on other people's shoulders 😂

Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday - personally I think holidays with kids of any age is never quite what we hoped for. Apart from maybe when they're adults?

Why do you all have to do everything together?

Why can't dad and son go off and do something? Or you and son if dad doesn't fancy it...?

Of course they can leave him behind.

I remember people saying to me, there’s only one thing that ruins a holiday with the kids and that’s… the kids!

So many times I have threatened to come home with mine and they are generally good kids, but sometimes something seemed to switch and they became little entitled shits. Or would spend a day moaning about a particular activity, that it was boring, cringe, they were cold/
hot/ hungry/ tired, the food was rubbish and the other kids were awful/ weird. Only for me to ask what they wanted to do the next day and they’d ask to return to the same place they hated yesterday. I mean WTF, it was like being gaslit by a 9 and 7 yr old!

I've generally found this is because they're exhausted.They have late nights, full on days etc. after long terms at school,often flying out somewhere the very next day or something.

Lots of people don't build chill time where they can just play in a playground or paddle pool or whatever.

Lots of kids are taken out in the evenings because adults want to have later evening meal,aren't back until 10/11 etc or having to sleep in pushchairs etc

Yes. My mum sadly lost a close uncle when I was 15, my sister 17. For reasons best known to grief, my parents decided that we'd follow up the funeral with a camping holiday in Wales.

One bereaved parent and a fairly traumatic funeral, one bored older teen missing her boyfriend, one younger teen sick of the older ones sulking - but my mum said "oh, it was a lovely idea to go away after" - everyone was miserable!

I'd try to shake it up if I were you with the remaining time.

Your comment has cheered me up!

I hope my 13 year old attains your level of maturity.

OP: why don't you go to the beach in the morning without him, come back at lunch and let him pick an afternoon activity?

What about making friends and mixing with others. Chikdren and teens normally make friends in holiday

Yes equally good suggestion!