AIBU to find a beach holiday with our only child exhausting?

[Flowydress]

We are on a week’s beach holiday with 15 yr old DS. He’s an only child. It’s so intense. He’s really full on and exhausting. I didn’t want a beach holiday as I feel active trips are better for our family dynamic but he and DH wanted to slob about. we also asked DS if he wanted a friend to come but he didn’t - so instead he just tells me several times when here that holidays are when he misses having a sibling. 😬

I love him to bits but he, and it, is hard work and I feel sad and just want to be at home. I know DH feels the same. I feel incredibly sad that DS might feel that way too

Why is it exhausting, can you explain?

Please can you tell us more?

What are you actually doing on the holiday? Are there trips you can do, go for a walk? Not really understanding what the set up is. Does you ds have additional needs or need more looking after than you would expect? TBH I thought you were going to be talking about holiday with a 15 month old not 15 years!!

Tell him to stop being such a dickhead.

He was asked if he wanted a friend to come, he said no..

You can't travel back in time and give him a sibling.

Can you buy your son some good books to read, some computer games? Some puzzles? Something to do!

Are there any other teens he can go and make friends with? When I went away with my parents at that age, it was just me and them (as my two older brothers opted not to come with us by then as they were 20 and 23) and I just remember finding other people my age to mooch around with by the pool, go to the park at the hotel and was allowed down to the local beach with them. When I was with my parents, I’d swim with my dad, play some uno, go for a walk or a meal. Nothing overly exciting!

Hi op. I have two.kids but chalk and cheese dont get on (one is quiet and Nd.one is football loving out going etc) and I 100 per cent bring s friend for the outgoing one !!

Of course being a child's playmate all day is exhausting. Can he make new friends ? Can he go to a kids club?

Why can’t a 15 year old entertain themselves at a beach holiday? I don’t understand. Surely he has an iPad/phone? Books? Do you play cards in the evening? It shouldn’t be hard at this age unless there’s something I’m missing.

How is it exhausting and can’t you do things other than slob around

Just seen he is 15 thought was younger.

Mine.is now 14...brought a mate on holiday last summer it was such a game changer ! Just a pal for endless water play and football

@Flowydress I’m not sure I understand. If they wanted a beach holiday to just slob about, how is it exhausting for you & DH?

He's 15. I think you need to bat some of the responsibility back to him. Tell him to go and find something to entertain himself with and leave you in peace. If he wants to suggest an activity to do together, you'll consider it but you won't be moaned at. If he has any complaints about his life, he can write them down on a piece of paper and you'll read them after YOUR holiday.

I’d do exactly what @WiltedLettucesaid. In fact given our complementing usernames I’d like to apply for the position of New Best Friend.

How is he annoying?

I thought this was going to be about a boisterous 5 year old.

Sorry, exhausting is too broad. He’s a forceful personality and in full on mode, it feels a bit like a war of attrition instead of a conversation, for example. It’s really hard to explain and I absolutely love who he is - it’s the intensity of the dynamic on holiday that I struggle with - and I imagine families all over are struggling with same.

as I have said, we asked him several times if he wanted to bring a friend. He didn’t. When he was younger we always went away with families and their kids but times change, the kids are no longer friends and he has his own life. But this years holiday hasn’t worked, I don’t think. There really isn’t enough to do - and yes he is a normal teenager hooked into his phone, wanting a tan, getting up late, staying up late. Maybe a lot of this is my own projection and guilt about not giving him a sibling - it’s easy to hide that under the day to day life at home where he’s really busy and has lots of friends.

im probably not making much sense.

I found holidays with teenagers fairly underwhelming it has to be said, they either slept all the time or otherwise stayed I. The room, were too old to find friends, unlike toddlers and younger kids. Wouldn’t play water sports…. I think it’s fairly normal…

Yes, I think this is true. We’ve had to wake him early to get to the beach and get a spot in the shade - when he really wants to sleep - doesn’t want to do much… but then seems bored etc

Can’t he sleep in then come and meet you on the beach?

So leave him to sleep and he can join you later?

My nephew is 22 and still in the "sleep til noon" phase.

We literally just leave him behind and tell him where we are "eg. We're at beach, bring a packed lunch, there's rolls, ham in fridge etc... or there's a café here if you want to buy lunch"

And he'll turn up at some point and sit in the shade in his hoodie and jeans staring at his phone.
Will tag along for a wander round town/city/museum.

And then will always declare he has a great holiday.

Unfortunately the beach is a drive away but DH can come and get him

i think I have to get over my guilt and also lower my expectations

we decided last night we (DH and I) would do something in am into afternoon without him and meet up later. I need the space. At home I like a lot of space!

I love where we are but it’s impractical as it relies on a car. But as someone who rarely holidays in Europe during summer holidays I was completely shocked at prices and this was a good compromise

DB and I would bicker when on holiday so having a sibling on holiday isn’t always great. Last family holiday we were both allowed to bring a friend so we could avoid each other as much as possible 😳 I’m sure if mobile phones etc were around then we would have studiously ignored each other whilst looking at our phones

Can you let him do his own thing within reason?

We just let our teen do what she wants! If she’s up and she wants to come with us great, if not then it’s her holiday too so no big deal. We often go off to pool or beach with younger ones and she’ll join a couple hours later when she’s bored doing whatever at the room. Try not to force fun and let him be.

At 15 I would let him just do what he wants. If he doesn’t want to get up to go to the beach let him find you when he’s ready. At least that gives you time without him

tbh I won’t do a beach holiday now with my 16 year old as his siblings don’t come anymore. We stick to city breaks or actually travelling holidays.

one thing which works brilliantly with only children of that age is joining a group tour somewhere. We’ve done Vietnam and there were other teens / young people with their families and they all made friends and hung out together and were never bored. It’s suprisingly affordable and you could add a few beach days at the end

Why the beach everyday ? Have you no pool where you are? If he’s not up, he can have day in chilling out, on his own.

..saying that I hate the beach. Beach holiday is my idea of hell (second only to camping)

It sounds like the beach holiday isn't quite the right fit. The fact you mention needing a car to get anywhere I imagine too are in a villa somewhere or it is a very small hotel so no activities going on for your son to get involved in and no where to walk to. Maybe a more touristy resort would have been better and perhaps what he was anticipating?

At 15 if he is mentioning not having a sibling I would find this strange unless he has sen.