AIBU to find a beach holiday with our only child exhausting?

[Flowydress]

We are on a week’s beach holiday with 15 yr old DS. He’s an only child. It’s so intense. He’s really full on and exhausting. I didn’t want a beach holiday as I feel active trips are better for our family dynamic but he and DH wanted to slob about. we also asked DS if he wanted a friend to come but he didn’t - so instead he just tells me several times when here that holidays are when he misses having a sibling. 😬

I love him to bits but he, and it, is hard work and I feel sad and just want to be at home. I know DH feels the same. I feel incredibly sad that DS might feel that way too

Well him wanting a lie in you wanting to go to the beach, him wanting to stay up late, you I assume not,

I don’t think this is an only child problem or a you problem as much as it is that going on holiday with teens often doesn’t really work!
City breaks were most successful for our family at this age.

it seems like this is a you problem tbh

let him wallow and sleep in - go off and enjoy yourself in the morning - meet him for lunch when he's awake and showered. Let him just be mute and boring if he's happy doing that. I've holidayed with teen boys before an it's best to let them get on with it and let them join in the fun when they want to. Give them a few pamphlets or websites for them to peruse and see if there's anything they fancy.

No point fighting to get them up and out in t e morning when they just want to hibernate, or make them go to beach and sit in sun if they just want to hide in the shade etc - makes it crap for everyone.

but, do tell him you won't accept him complaining if he is unwilling to suggest anything he wants to do.

they have teen clubs at hotels. like for 14+

no-one is suggesting he hangs out with bunch of wild 5 year olds that have been dumped by their parents.

That sounds wise. It's not gone too well, but I suspect you just won't repeat it. Shut down the sibling thing though, because it sounds as if he's latched onto that and is using it to have a go at you.
With mine it's because we'd relocated. So in the end we just had to say "well, it's done now, nothing more to be said" and he stopped.

but you have a car.... so drive somewhere remote and go for a walk or something if that's what he might enjoy?

why don't you tell us the region you're in, i'll bet we can find loads of stuff to do that a teen might be interested in (if you go after lunch....)

The poster I quoted specifically said “kids club”

A beach holiday is an odd description if you need to drive to the beach!

so?

It was very obvious they meant some sort of club for older kids to hangout in. which OPs son is.... and it is well known they have teen clubs at hotels....

I get it. At 15, the idea of being on holiday would have been great, but the reality boring.

We will have a similar issue next summer. Older dc away with friends so just us and 15 yr old dc. If I'm honest, I'm finding the whole thing weird without older dc. Not only that, dc prefers beach/ pool... but doesn't really do reading or relaxing- unlike dh and I. She can be quite inane too, so conversations never really get beyond surface level. I'm going to have to think v carefully about what we do.

She'd love to find a friend in holiday, but she's also at the chronically awkward stage.

Reminds me of when my brother was 16 and we were on holiday in Hawaii. My parents and I wanted to go and see Pearl Harbour and the museum there but all he wanted to do was stay in the apartment so he got left behind that day 😆

I still don’t get it. It was Pearl Harbour! Why stay in a boring apartment? 🤷🏻‍♀️🫠

Given teenagers sleep patterns we used to head out in the morning without them, do nearby villages on market days, find a nice walk, sit in a cafe with coffee, pick up some lunch bits and go back to the accommodation.
By this time they were more naturally awake.
Are there any water parks, water sports classes, mountain biking places you could take him one day.

It’s fine to let him sleep in and go and get him around lunchtime.
As you said chalk this one up as experience and avoid the beach/car combo in the future.
Could you get him to google top 10 things to do near xxx and get him to choose a few of them for you all or two of you to do?

I also have an only child and it's hard. Also 15 is probably the hardest. In a very few years you can leave him at home! For us city breaks in an Airbnb we're the only real option. Then leave him to his own devices. Stay in all day if he wants, if not there's shops, cinema, cafes etc. And keep it short. Max 5 nights, but 3 is best. Remind yourself it's just another phase, he's nearly a young adult now

We always pick somewhere with a good gym as that's where the teens seem to hang out imo.

Fucking hell just let me laugh at a comment I found funny.

It’s not even 9am Christ alive 💀😭😭

I am finding this thread confusing to be honest, OP. How can a 15 year old be exhausting? What is he doing? And if he is so exhausting, then he is certainly at an age where he needs to be told to pipe down. You cannot expect other people (a friend, another child etc.) to manage his behaviour when you find it so difficult yourself. Just talk to him about it. Pretty soon he’ll be out in the big, wide world, and needs to be able to self-manage. A 15 year old going on about wanting a sibling is very strange.

Maybe you can go out in the day & do beach late afternoon, or other way around. A full beach day will involve one of you entertaining him. Do you have to do beach every day? We’ve never really done full days on the beach or by the pool.

Next year just book something different. Maybe city break near a beach (Barcelona, Copenhagen) and do a mix. Or try Interrail with stops at different places. It gives them something to talk about & help with planning.

I think 15 is a hard age as they don’t find it as easy to make friends & get embarrassed about everything. Teenagers aren’t always the easiest to keep happy. There’s lots of threads on here about teens and them refusing to come out the room until 2pm.

I agree, I'm finding it quite strange. I'm wondering what else is at play here.

I think i was an exhausting teen. If i was unsettled or annoyed, then I'd mither people around me until they too, were unsettled and annoyed. If i was on one, I would be a right pain in the arse; nothing would ever be right.

I still have those tendencies, but now I recognise it and take myself for a run until i sort myself out.

@Flowydress I’m sorry it’s not quite working out. You sound great and sometimes holidays just don’t work as well as we hope!

We went to a Greek island a couple of years ago on a 5 star package holiday deal. We absolutely hated it! Ok, I hated it, my children quite liked it but they didn’t love it. I realised that I’d misremembered a childhood holiday and booked entirely the wrong part of the island, I realised that we really don’t like holiday resort hotels (evening “entertainment”, people putting towels on sun loungers at 6am etc etc - bleurgh, just not out scene).

Anyway. Chalk it up to experience, see if you can find a sport or something he might like and otherwise just try to do what you’d like to do and let him veg (if he’s ok with that?).

You and your DH sound great.

I’d love to hear about holidays you’ve planned that have worked well?

its not the 15 year old. its the OP that's exhausting herself

she's making life difficult for herself for no reason. Stressing about things beyond her control, not letting people have the holiday they want etc.

She decided it was a bad holiday from even before booking it, so is making it a bad holiday.

she can change her attitude thought, they apparently have money and a car - and all are old enough tot do their own thing really.

If DH wants to go to beach - he fucks off at whatever time he wants and lay in the sun relaxing, DS sleeps and doom scrolls, OP can go wherever she pleases - head into town or whatever see a museum, enjoy a coffee - whatever she fancies.

Then they could all meet up for lunch and/or afternoon together doing something like paddle boarding/woodland walk whatever.

but she's choosing to make it stressful and crap

@Flowydress- can I suggest a Neilson or Mark Warner beach club holiday next year?

Sometimes, no matter how much planning you do, some holidays are A Little Bit Shit.

Last year I took ds2 to Munich for 5 days. It had all the components we usually like in a holiday, and I'd booked ds2 (who was 17 at the time) his own room, because he didn't want to share with his Mum (understandably, and reciprocated tbh).

But... it felt strangely flat. He didn't actually like being on his own in his room all the time, and neither room was really set up for lounging and watching tv together. We didn't 'gel' with Munich either. I felt guilty, for some reason.

So it was a little bit shit. But not hugely. We just won't go to Munich again.

You tried your best. Now you know that you won't do this kind of holiday again.

(And you'll likely find that he remembers it fondly in years to come.)