Couples holiday grief

[notmyrodeonotmymonkeys]

Please help mn I’m not sure what to do.

Couoles A B and C are going on holiday tomorrow. They are driving in in 2 cars. Couples A and B live in the same town so they are travelling together. Couple C are coming from a different direction and are travelling separately. The holiday has been split equally 3 ways and everyone intends to pay for themselves whilst there. Travel costs for petrol and parking will be approximately £120 per car. Couple A intended to pay for their costs as they know couple B earn significantly less than them (about 30k a year less) but would be happy if couple b get them a couple of drinks or similar.
Couple C have now approached Couple A and said they think it’s unfair Couple B are not paying for their travel expenses and that it would be fair to split it 3 ways. A pointed out that B do not have much money and C replied that they treat themselves plenty (which is true they are very much live for today). A feels uncomfortable broaching B for money especially at such late notice as it’s too late for them to make alternative arrangements should they want to.

Yabu B should pay their fair share
YANBU C is wrong to ask for shared costs

I suspect that you are couple A.
B and C are your children. Then yes you should split the travel costs.

It’s ok to live for today if you are loaded and rely on no one to foot your bills or are an only child with parents who have unlimited money to spend on you and will leave you money enough to last a lifetime.

The problems come if you don’t have unlimited money and won’t budget because your parents are there to pick up the pieces do you favours when things get tight and you have a sibling who is expected to pay their own way.

If you are the parent then I think you have to be scrupulously fair. You need to take the golden child spectacles off and do some parenting.

Are you leaving all or the majority of your estate to child B? Or is it equally shared but are expecting that child C is going to always be there to help out when B have overspent and can’t afford to pay for things.

I think you need to get couple B help with budgeting and earning more because one day you won’t be there to help out and C will have washed their hands of them.
You are actually doing B harm by carrying on this way.

C are responsible for the cost of travelling in their own car.

A are also responsible for the cost of travelling in their own car notwithstanding any private arrangement made with B to share or not to share the cost of travelling A's car.

Couple C are annoyed that they will have to pay their own travel while their sibling is getting a free ride.

It sounds like they are more annoyed about the fact that their sibling is reckless with their own money and therefore OP is always bailing them out. I think they have a point if there is history here.

Slightly off topic but it’s a long way to drive if it’s £120 in petrol - or you all drive enormous cars!

This

The arrangement between A and B is no concern of C.

It's ridiculously petty and ridiculous, A/B and C are coming from different directions so A/B travel arrangements are nothing to do with C, If B paid A half it still wouldn't affect C. C chose to drive and now wants to move the goal posts.

Are you all actually friends? It seems unlikely really.

None of this augurs well for how costs are going to be split during the holiday! Couple C will be dividing everything down to the last penny.

It’s nothing to do with C , they’re travelling themselves so should pay it all themselves. Couple B should really contribute to the costs for couple A but it’s up to couple A if they’re happy to cover it. It’s absolutely nothing to do with couple c .

possibly because if A were parents there might be a history of subsidising B and C always paying there own way hence why C are commenting

Yes. Drip, Drip. OP you should have added that you are B and C's parents because you would have got vastly different replies than making it out that they are all, unrelated couples!

If A are the parents of B and C, then yes, I'd find this favouritism awful. Be it saving on petrol, rent, groceries or any other subsidies you keep providing.

Its either hand outs to all or none. It praises those that earn less (for whatever reason) and not those that worked hard and are doing better. No wonder your C child is annoyed OP!

This is up there with one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on here. A are giving b a lift, it's fuck all to do with couple C. Gobsmacked they have brought this up and would struggle to be friends with people like that.

The dynamics between friends, and the dynamics between parents, children, and siblings are very different ones. If this a holiday with friends then couple C are being unreasonable. If it’s a holiday with parents and siblings, then I can see why the disparity grates with couple C.

Yes, couple B have a lower income, but it also doesn’t sound like they’re particularly financially responsible (why would they be, if they can rely on couple A to subsidize them?).

Yeah if A are the parents and this is the second time B is subsidised, I can see why it’d start to grate. But if it’s not a parent situation I’d say it’s nothing to do with C

Why the hell do all these couples have such detailed knowledge of each other’s annual household income? What kind of creepy competitive relationship is this? Even if you’re all siblings it is unhealthy and weird.
I don’t have any idea what salary my friends or siblings make because we would never be so crass and inappropriate as to discuss it. Of course, it is sometimes clear if someone has a markedly different lifestyle but you still don’t name numbers!

Couple C should mind their own business.

Well
I can't see that friendship lasting
Couple c are lunatics.

Favouritism, good grief. Me and my brothers are taking our mother out for her birthday next week. I live in the next street to my mum and I’m giving her a lift but for the purpose of this comment let’s assume my mum is driving to the restaurant which is 2 miles from where we live and giving me a lift. Brother 1 is travelling 7 miles to dinner and brother 2 is driving 128 miles. Are you suggesting brother 2 should be subsidised? He would be offended at the offer.

I'm baffled that you all know so much about each other financial situations.
Not just income, but to such detail that any couple would consider helping another out. Surely you all discussed and agreed the budget and split before anything was booked.
This isn't just a school mate getting a broke friend lunch or siblings treating one another - but grown, earning, independent adults responsible for their own spending

OP, if as a lot of people have suspected, you are A and the parent of B and C then you would be totally disingenuous as representing this as a problem between couples and B is totally your favourite.

OP can you come back and clarify whether they are all family.

If so, it's a crucial bit of information that you left out of your post. I'm wondering if that was intentional and if so, why?

I mean personally yeah I wouldn't have subsidised couple b if I were you (sorry, couple A!) because it would piss me off to effectively give them £60 and then see them splunk the same amount away on random crap, if that's what they're like. If I were Couple B I'd also be a bit embarrassed and would prefer to just pay, but I would usually agree it's absolutely nothing to do with Couple C.

However, IF Couples B and C are actually Couple A's children as a pp has suggested and you've been coy about answering, then yeah I completely agree with Couple C and would be completely pissed off if my partner and I worked hard to get good jobs and manage our money sensibly, while my parents repeatedly subsidised my spendthrift sibling.

Yes. Nothing to do with C unless there’s a link between B & C that A has withheld.

Yes of course! Couple B being subsidised while couple C are not is completely different if it's a family thing. Your OP seemed to imply three unrelated couples (or at least that's how I read it).

This is very peculiar. How did couple C ‘become aware’ of the arrangement and how do you know what everyone earns?