To expect everyone at my wedding to stick to the colour scheme?

[Autumnalbride]

I'm having an autumn themed wedding. I've asked everyone, all the wedding party, family and all the guests to wear autumn colours - brown, orange, yellow, red etc.
Some of the men want to wear grey suits but I am upset by this because I don't see grey as an autumn colour. They say they will wear autumn coloured ties and accessories but I said I want the suits to be in Autumn colours
Is this unreasonable?

They are apples and oranges

One can be proven by bare facts - did the bride insist on everyone, including guests, wearing autumn colours, even the men's suits? Yes. It's factually true. I have it in writing and in WhatsApp voicenotes. She clearly bans some colours and insists on others.

The other is much more nuanced and involves feelings and motives.

Autumn colours will look awful on some guests. They won’t suit everybody at all.
And frankly, it is a bit OTT to tell everyone what colour to wear.
If I had to buy an outfit in a colour I knew did not suit me I wouldn’t spend a lot on it either. Don’t expect everyone to really splash out.
The colour of clothing your guests are wearing does not matter. The marriage is what matters. Is he the right man ? What are your plans together for your future.
The wedding vows to each other. That is what matters. Not the colour of clothes your guests will wear.

I just wouldn’t go

Autumn coloured shirts yes, amd can be jacketless, but not to go and buy a whole new suit they will just once!!

That would be a no. Of course it's a no. Nobody is happy having someone they're in a fight with pretend to be them and speak as them! It's not about the "bare facts", which might all be true, it's about the missing facts that go alongside them and led up to it. That doesn't mean they must be in the right, of course. But it's so disingenuous to give a few bare facts of the worst point, while missing out other facts and lying about whose perspective it is, and then talk about how it's just "factual". You know this, which is why you wouldn't want her doing it to you.

Why did you give only the barest "facts" when pretending to be her, but had a wall of back story to justify everything when you finally spoke as yourself?

Anyway I'm not wasting my Sunday on this. Reverses aren't worth the time it takes to clock them and once I know someone's been at a reverse, I don't trust anything else they say so it's pointless.

However, if sister finds this thread, makes a post and it changes absolutely everything (this has happened occasionally and this situation sounds recognisable), could someone PM me so I can see it? Thanks.

Your post is ridiculous!

Yes mine, and my son, were saying they absolutely did not want to wear suits in those colours, they wanted to wear normal coloured suits. I was being told brown is a normal suit colour???

I was trying to smooth everything over and get sis to see this, but she wasn't getting it and DH started saying he doesn't want to go.

My DH absolutely could not pull off a brown or burgundy suit, never mind something crazy in yellow or red. It's just not him.

BIL on the other hand does look very nice in his wedding suit which is a sort of tweedy brown

Paying out for travel, maybe a hotel, a gift, having to stand about awkwardly for hours…..and to top it all off, having to shell out even more money to buy an item of clothing in a specific colour? Yeah, no thanks.

I get that your wedding day is important, but christ, it’s just a bit of a hassle to eveyone else.

Your sister might find that a lot of people suddenly can’t make it.

There are no other facts that can lead up to the fact you insisted all the wedding guests wear certain colours. You either did or you didn't.

The only other facts that could be added are the wedding website facts, which I included, along with the actual wording taken directly from the website.

They're gonna look like the Terracotta Army...

The colours sound dreadful for men, women would be able to pull that scheme off I’d imagine but only certain men can pull a brown suit off, I don’t think any would look good in orange or red… It’s more the behaviour around the colour scheme, she’s taking bridezilla to an unholy level.

I think insisting on coloured suits is insane. Accessories in autumnal colours isn't. And sister sounds like a terrible human being.

Is it wrong to want the Reddit link to see the insanity tho...?

@Autumnalbride You could all, as a family, go to the wedding in camouflage colors. I would bet that somewhere,out there, beneath the pale moonlight; there are camouflage dresses and suits just waiting for an opportunity to be showcased. You could start a trend. I wonder if she would consider ghillie suits as appropriate "autumn" wear.....
You need to have fun with this and think outside the box!😇

What colour scheme does the groom want for his wedding or is he irrelevant as this is 'my wedding'?

@Autumnalbride You shouldn't be surprised. Seems like she got form for being batshit crazy. I would ask if she wants you to come even though you're not dressed up in autumn colours and let her decide. No more arguing because you can't argue with people like that.

Yes. Suits are expensive, weddings are expensive for guests as well, especially if people have to travel and pay for a hotel, attend big stag/hen do's, take a day off work... The men saying they will wear grey probably already have grey suits in thier wardrobes, and will be happy to buy a new tie but not a whole new suit.

The rule used to be brown suits are only worn in the country, never 'in Town'!

But it isn't "my wedding". It's her sister's wedding. OP is not the one getting married.

This all sounds very Jeremy Kyle

Does the sister actually want to be married or is she only interested in having a set of Instagram photos?

If a bridezilla had insisted on this ridiculous colour scheme DH would have just refused to go. I would probably be OK in aubergine, but I would try not to be in any photos

It's long deleted.

But she basically said the whole wedding was weird. Said the way I threw the bouquet was stupid, and made up a load of absolute crap about my relationship with my husband including that I "baby trapped" him. Which is absolute misogynistic nonsense, we decided to have kids before we got married and were together 12 years before we did. Also said that my DH left halfway through the reception and I didn't notice which was an out and out lie.

I found the posts because I was on Reddit helping her find information over an issue she was having with a landlord, for which I helped her (successfully) to write letters and argue.

Other sister spoke to her and she apologised and admitted she'd made it all up.

So true, they didn't have a gaggle of adult bridesmaids, maybe 1 adult and a couple of small children. From this site it seems that these massive weddings are the source of so much aggravation, social media has a lot to answer for!

We get a lot of couples choosing to marry in our Church because ot looks so lovely on the photos! Please don't stop though, we need the fees.

Since, it’s a reverse, I’m still right though. Aren’t i??
Just towards the OP’s sister.

@Autumnalbrideit might be a good idea to update your thread title.

I predict a very short marriage !!