Ok ladies, thank you for all replies, genuinely appreciated.
Here's the truth, it's a reverse. Sorry. But is is absolutely 100% true.
I am a sister of the bride and until very recently, was a bridesmaid. The wedding is at the end of October.
There has been massive drama for the last two days.
My DS (who is 13) was apparently supposed to be a ring bearer. I don't know how, but this information slipped past me. He was horrified when I told him because TBF, why the fuck would a 13 year old be a ring bearer?
But I politely told her (and I promise I was genuinely polite about it, everyone else in the chat agreed I was) that I was very sorry to have forgotten he was supposed to be a ring bearer, but he doesn't want to be and that's totally on me, I am sorry I forgot, I hope it doesn't cause too much trouble for her, then said I totally get how hard it is when people fuck about because I have planned a wedding myself so again very sorry.
She accepted this and said in future can people just let her know sooner if they don't want to do roles. Fair enough.
Then yesterday I decided I needed to get DS a suit to wear to the wedding as a guest. DH thankfully already owns 3 in black and two shades of grey. DS said he hates blue and I think black is a bit funerally so I thought grey would be nice and is generally a normal colour for a bloke's suit as a wedding guest - right?!
Anyway, I was trying to get one secondhand so I went on Facebook to ask if anyone had a grey boys suit for sale. Not hiding it from her or anything, right there on Facebook for all to see. Then I found a lovely one on vinted which I ordered. Job done.
Sister saw Facebook post and was angry about it. Says she doesn't understand why I am trying to find a grey suit for DS, as she explicitly states the wedding theme is autumn, always has been and it's clear on her wedding website.
I said yes, I know it's an autumn themed wedding, of course I do, but I never knew that applied to guests too, and suits?! And she said yes, suits need to be autumn colours for everyone, and she doesn't understand why I am trying to buy a grey suit when grey is not an Autumn colour, like what am I doing, have I not been listening?
She was very snappy, very rude, and very condescending and unfortunately that is her general manner. She is usually not very nice to me and snaps at me all the time. I'd be here all day if I gave you examples. It's a whole other story.
I was just a bit taken back and was like "oh...right...ok" and then she sent a message to the family WhatsApp chat just to clarify with everyone that (to paraphrase) "the theme is Autumn, can everyone make sure they stick to this theme" and she actually listed the colours allowed and not allowed, and said NO pink NO blue NO white, nothing that isn't autumnal.
So my other sister says that sent going to be doable for her, she can't afford to buy new suits for her man that he isn't going to wear again. She starts saying if was on her wedding website all along so why are we all acting surprised now, all her friends are on board with it.
But actually on her website it just says "formal wear with autumnal colours" and then further down just "formal wear" I would have easily interpreted that to mean autumn coloured ties and those pocket handkerchief things, not full suits in autumn colours - but apparently her mates have burgundy suits?!
I said all this to her, calmly, but she kept saying that yes, she's really serious, suits need to be in Autumn colours. It would look stupid if everyone is in Autumn colours and someone turns up in pink or something. She was saying she'd have to edit their clothes in the pictures???
She points out that it's normal for wedding to have themes and colours and that my wedding had a colour scheme.
I said yes - for the flowers and the bridal party and the decor etc - I definitely did not tell my guests what to wear!! She made up some shit saying I complained about what my brother was wearing (he was a guest) so then my brother gets involved and says he's hurt I thought this. I had to prove to him by showing him pictures of my wedding invites specifically saying guests can wear whatever they are comfortable in, and pictures of my wedding with then men wearing all different suits and ties that I had no issue whatsoever with this (actually I didn't even remember the colours of the guests ties, I was only reminded when I digged out photos to show him) my brother understood after I showed this but I was really upset she said this and upset my bother (who is autistic and quite sensitive and worried about it)
So it started getting heated but I promise I was calm but I did say that I thought she should apologise for saying that and dragging DB into this.
So then she launches into this horrible tirade where she says I have been trying to sabotage her wedding from the start. Which is insane and completely untrue!! She said I purposefully ruined a moment between future BIL and his daughter (I kind of did, completely unintentionally and apologised - twice) and that I have been bullying her MOH ( her best friend) because I clearly think I should be MOH!! absolutely insane, she had four sisters and I have no reason to think I would have been chosen, I didn't have her as mine, our other sister has her own best friend, it never once occured to me that I should be MOH!! And I have been nothing but nice to her MOH, I've known her since they were in school and I've sent her nice supportive messages throughout, was kind to her when she lost her mum, held her baby for her for ages at a family event so she could relax, I don't know where she gets this from?! I did complain MOH turned up late once but TBF she was 2.5hrs late to a BBQ and bringing the food and me and the kids were starving - apparently his means I was trying to point out MOH is disorganised and I should have the job instead??!!? She said all this in a horrible, snarly voicenote, ending with "and thank god you're not MOH because you can't even follow simple instructions and remember anything"
So anyway, by this point if had enough. I was crying, shaking, she'd been so nasty and said so many crazy things that were just untrue. I sent a voicemail back explaining why everything she said was nonsense and then told her I no longer want to come to her wedding and she can fuck off.
I saw her voice noting back but I was so upset I couldn't take another message so I kicked her from the family chat and blocked her on everything, asked the MOH for the £300 I'd sent for the hen do, which was sent back and with all this, on top of everything horrible she's done in the past, including making up crap about my own wedding, slagging it off, and posting it on Reddit where I could see it, I am done with her.
So there's the full story. Well actually it's not, there's loads I missed but you get the jist. Thank you for confirming this is indeed nutty and if she finds it, now you know. Like everyone has been telling you, you are the problem.
Xx