AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

Hopefully you’ll list that in your dietary requirements and not expect the host to magically know that you can’t drink wine?

Absolutely fine not to have a free bar OP. We had one but it was in a barn and we didn’t have to pay corkage… just hired bar staff and bought our own booze

As discussed throughout, some parents offer yo pay for after bar as hospitality

Personally, I wouldn't be paying to get my friends drunk

Can do 1 drink voucher for everyone and a tab for close family.. but it's the norm for paid bars these days

Life is expensive!!

I think free bars were more popular two or three decades ago or at least a few hundred pounds were put behind the bar so that everyone got at one or two drinks for free. It was a hospitality kind of thing. Drinks are incredibly expensive these days so a free bar is probably less popular. Also, a lot of couples save hard and pay for their own weddings whereas it was used to be commonplace for parents to foot the bill.

Personally, I've never been to a wedding without a free bar, and would be (very slightly) put out if I did. We prioritised this at our wedding over photographyer cars, cake, rings, etc.

Paid bars are really not the norm - I have only ever seen it once and that was when nothing at all was provided.

The poster above who provided Prosecco, pimms and wine was fine as you could feasibly not spend any money (I would have included a beer as well though)

What’s the connection I wonder? Is it class based? I’m not sure it is as I know someone who comes from a very wealthy family who seems to think it’s not necessary to cater for your guests. Are some people just bad hosts?

I've only been to two weddings where there wasn't a free bar and one of those had the only drunken punch up I've seen at a wedding.
But I think free bars are probably much less frequent now and if you let people know it will be absolutely fine.

We went to a wedding with a fre barca few years ago. I saw a woman filling a hip flask with spirits she ordered from the bar, presumably to take home,I tutted and she growled at me 🙄 prople sadly take the piss

Welcome drinks and wine or alternative on the table. Nobody expects a free bar, I’ve never been to a wedding with a free bar.

I’ve been to a lot of weddings and I’ve never been to one with a free bar.

I’ve been to quite a lot where there were a lot of free drinks offered (welcome drink, wine at dinner, toast drink, cocktails being walked around at the evening, drinks in the time between the wedding and food) but never entirely free bar. I’ve also been to weddings where a little bit of money has been put behind but again not a free bar.

I would expect a welcome drink and a toast drink to be provided but anything else would be a nice surprise. I went to a wedding once where there wasn’t a toast drink provided and the groom asked everyone to raise a glass and nobody had a drink in their hand so it was a bit awkward.

I think I've only been to two weddings where there was a free bar. One was a uni friend who's the CFO of a tech company you've all heard of. The other was held in a stately home and also featured custom-made platinum/diamond jewellery for the bride, a champagne fountain, a five course dinner (not counting the canapes and petits fours), a MASSIVE fireworks display, and a photography/videography team of four people in attendance throughout the day. You probably can't compete with these people, and you probably shouldn't try.

At our own wedding 16 years ago we provided arrival drinks (Pimms or sparkling wine), half a bottle* of wine per head with dinner, and a glass of fizz each for the toasts. This was about typical of weddings I've attended.

*We allowed half a bottle per head. The bottles were placed on the tables for people to top themselves up. Some tables finished theirs, some didn't. Whatever was left was placed on a side table for general use. A couple of people just drank wine for the rest of the evening.

Most weddings i am at have a free bar nowadays...it seems to be the trend now. But having said that just because it's expected, you do your own thing and if you don't want to have one don't if it's outwith your budget. Have a lovely wedding day

I think it’s fine. We did tea/coffee before the wedding breakfast then water/red wine/white wine/rose wine on the table. There was also Appletiser for people not drinking.

I don't ever expect a free bar. Weddings are expensive enough, and it only takes a few people taking g the piss for things to spiral.

We did have a free bar at our wedding. BUT it was a small destination wedding (30ish people) in a country where alcohol is cheaper than in the UK, and we knew our guests werent ridiculous with alcohol. Weirdly, we spent about half of what we had budgeted.

I have 8 weddings this year. Just 2 left now. The only one with an open bar was in America, and the bride's family are incredibly wealthy.

Free bars really aren’t expensive though, why would you need to compete with the mega rich?

some of you should get some Sikh friends. You’d be gobsmacked at what you get at their wedding 🤣

A free bar is always a nice touch at a wedding but it is very expensive if you're having a UK wedding venue type wedding, so understandable if only welcome drinks and table wine are provided!

Most of the weddings I've been to have had a free bar but lots of them have been abroad.

We eloped so not sure if this carries much weight but if I had a big do of a wedding I'd get married in an H&M dress if it meant I could have a free bar.

Or at least plenty of house wine, fizz and beers available, then I suppose a cash bar is OK for anyone who really badly wants a gin and tonic or whatever.

People are already forking out for a dress, travel, possibly overnight stay, a gift. Buy them a drink! Lower-middle class here, don't come from money.

To be fair, I didn't say free bars were mega-expensive, and I didn't say you needed to compete with the mega-rich. I just reported my own experience to illustrate that - to me - free bars aren't the norm, and I pointed out that most people probably couldn't compete with other aspects of a wedding I've been to (and implicitly, needn't compete with the 'free bar' aspect either if they don't want to).

A free bar for our wedding would have cost a few thousand pounds (at 2010s prices) which we didn't have in the budget. That may be affordable to some, but it wasn't "really not expensive" to us at the time. And having a cash bar in the evening (after providing every guest with half a dozen free drinks first!) seemed less grabby than ringing round asking for cash contributions towards a "free" bar!

So to clarify a few details:

The venue is a lovely country house hotel.

We are providing welcome drinks, wine at the tables, or soft for those who don't want alcohol.

Water is of course provided on the tables, still and sparkling.

There will also be champagne to toast.

Teas and coffees included too.

We have also requested no gifts.

The wedding is a Saturday so no one has to take the day off work.

We earn well between us but it's a relatively small wedding so nothing extravagant.

Think that's all the points that people have bought up 🙂

We had a free bar as did most of my DH’s friends. Most of my friends and family didn’t have free bars at their weddings.

But they’re not competing with anyone, they’re just planning and enjoying the day they want with their guests

Sounds like a lovely wedding from what you've said, and you sound like considerate hosts.

If you still have any lingering doubts then maybe have a cash bar but assign a budget - hundreds, not thousands - so you and your new spouse can buy drinks for people during the evening quite freely without worrying about the cost? In practice you may well find that people are keen to buy drinks for you too.

my wedding had tea, coffee, juice on arrival. Wine and champagne for the meal and toast. There was an evening cocktail reception with each person allocated one cocktail each. A choice of three different cocktails, they were also non-alcoholic and meant everyone could enjoy a fancy drink, we had pregnant guests and guests that had to drive. The bar was open for those wanting to purchase more drinks.

Wouldn't expect it-a welcome drink, toast drink, and one meal and evening drink is enough.

That's great! But too often humans feel they need to compete with other humans, at least to the extent that they don't want to do things that are obviously inferior. Presumably that's why the OP wanted to know about other people's experiences - so that she could compare what she had planned with other weddings people had been to?