AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

Not only would I not expect a free bar, I would also normally buy the bride and groom a drink rather than expect them to pay for all my drinks!
You're already presumably spending out a lot of money for other people to join you (other drinks/food/venue etc). Hope you have a brilliant day!

I work at a wedding venue & whenever there is a free bar wedding everyone drinks far too much, keep ordering & wasting drinks as they leave them everywhere & sometimes vomit too. A drink after ceremony, wine with dinner (usually half bottle per person) & glass of fizz for the speeches is plenty.

Every wedding I've attended has had a free bar, including my own! We actually provided our own bar....beer, wine, champagne, 3 liquors (whiskey, gin and vodka) and mixers. Cheaper than you'd think.

We did an open bar and we did a deal with the venue and they were fairly reasonable. We picked 6 spirits and a number of bottles that vould be used for each. If we reached that the manager would let us know to decide if we get more however we never got to that. Our guests were extremely happy with the open bar part. We said no cocktails though cause those required special bartenders and were extra. I just thought to share what it was like for us.

I don't think people expect it nowadays, a couple of free glasses of wine would be expected I believe. Some venues might allow you to bring your own bottles of wine that you could place on each table which would be more affordable than an open bar.

We did a free bar, but that was after champagne, and wine with dinner, so people didn't spend that much! It was only about £700 or something.

That being said, I wouldn't expect it at a wedding, but it's nice if there's quite a lot of pre-drinks/wine available.

Nearly all the weddings I have attended have a free bar for at least the first few hours. Sometimes at 9 or 10pm this switches to a pay bar.

That being said, I went to a wedding last week with a pay bar. Only wine with dinner and prosecco for toasts was included. I didn't think anything of it. I don't expect hard up young people to be able to pay for everything. And it meant I could order the more expensive drinks that I prefer without feeling guilty.

The weddings I’ve been to without a free bar usually have the bride or groom saying how they don’t want to pay for people to get drunk. They usually expect a present though, attendance at the stag/hen, staying overnight at the wedding venue so everyone can stay till the bitter end and are annoyed when no one dances as most people only loosen up after a few drinks.

At the very least, a set amount behind the bar for wine/beer/soft drinjs only is a very nice gesture when people have no doubt paid a small fortune to be there.

I agree, maybe against the norm, I’m at the age where every weekend in summer is taken up by a wedding or hen/stag do and the majority of weddings I’ve attended have been a free bar or at least free flowing wine/beer/champagne/1 choice of cocktail for example.

You could look at the other way. Many guests will have spent money to attend your wedding. Clothes, a gift, travel and accomodation etc. all add up.

The least you can do is provide them with a few free drinks.

You're already presumably spending out a lot of money for other people to join you (other drinks/food/venue etc). Hope you have a brilliant day!

@Acg1991 yes cause it’s YOUR wedding. You aren’t doing people a favour by having it🤣

Most weddings I've been to have not had a free bar. I've been to weddings where we've been given a token for one or two free drinks though.

We did have one as Mum kindly offered to pay for it as she felt strongly about it. It excluded spirits and cocktails.

My friends are not big drinkers and it worked out really well. I'm glad we could offer it. We actually underspent the cost limit we'd set for it.

I think it’s rude to invite people to a party (which will inevitably already be costing them a fortune) and asking them to pay for drinks

I agree. My parents paid for our wedding and they would have been mortified at the very idea of expecting invited guests to pay for their drinks. I am with them.

A glass of something fizzy after the service, half a bottle of wine each, and a couple of glasses of fizz for the toast.
Absolutely would not expect a free bar.

You should of course get a round in for anyone who has travelled from very far away (abroad or similar) and the DJ.

I've been to dozens of weddings across many decades and have never been at one where there was a free bar. After reading about them on here I remember asking about in lots of different places and groups of people over a period of weeks and month, and I never met anyone who had been to a wedding with a free bar either.
This is in UK. I am aware there are different traditions in USA, and that royalty and the aristocracy presumably have different traditions from the overwhelming majority of us.

Yes drinks tokens are a good idea particularly if someone is just an evening guest!

My dad felt exactly the same - they contributed but didn’t pay for the whole shebang. We had friends of his from childhood there and family obviously and he viewed himself quite traditionally as a cohost. He would have found is highly embarrassing to have had guests pay for drinks at an event we were hosting.

Agree. The only one I remember I had attended as a child, so did not get to enjoy it so much. It was the daughter of a close family friend (I called him uncle) and he was a multimillionaire.

He paid for the bar, and gave my brother and I £50 notes each (as he did most times we saw him!). Sadly for him it was a vegan wedding (he is not vegan and had paid for it) and most of the food was left. This was mid 90s and vegan food has come along way since then.

Could you have afforded the free bar if you were paying for yourself?
So far it seems the only ones who think it's rude not to have a free bar are the ones who didn't pay for it themselves 😂 I'm sure I'd advocate for lots of things for free if I'm not the one paying.

A free bar at a wedding is not expected, however, as a non drinker I do appreciate being able to have a cup of tea at some point. I’m happy to drink water as I’m not fond of juice or fizzy drinks but god awful, elderflower seems to be everyone’s soft drink offering.

Why didn't you pay for your own wedding?

For my DD’s wedding a couple of years ago , the venue and caterers allowed ( without corkage and was the accepted procedure) all drinks to be supplied by the hirer on sale or return. Everyone used the local Majestic. There were canapés and fizzy post ceremony/during photos and chat, wine served with the meal, a good fizzy for the toast, then there was a manned bar with more of the wine, beer and soft drinks to last through the evening. There were always non alcohol alternatives. No payment from guests at any point. I had spent time with my DD calculating how much, generously, would be enough of everything to last through the evening and I was surprised at the large amount we returned the next day for refund. I can see it might be much more of a financial limitation where the venue/caterer only allows their wine etc to be supplied at very high restaurant equivalent prices or where it’s a hotel bar with spirits etc.

I’ve only ever been to one wedding that had a cash bar and it wasn’t a feature of the six weddings my DD attended over the past year.

Most weddings I've been to there has always been free teas and coffees. Usually a combination of during wedding breakfast or a help yourself while they prep for the first dance.

I'm sorry it's me I love an Elderflower or an apple crisps. I don't drink caffeine so I'm delighted when there's a grown up soft drink!

Just make it clear. Those that have to pay tend to cut back on wedding presents.