AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

As I said above my free bar cost £800 (80-90 people central London members club) my sister married more recently in a four star hotel and it was about £1200. In the scheme of average wedding costs this isn’t a lot. I spent more on my dress, the flowers and the musician for the entrance

Same here. Buck’s fizz and non alcohol option for arrival, generous supply of wine during meal, champagne for the speeches/toasts, tea/coffee when the cake was brought round.

We did once go to an evening do which had a free bar - but the buffet was very thin. I don’t think I was the only guest calculating how many sandwiches each as we queued- two sandwiches and one sausage roll. I’d rather have a generous buffet and not a free bar.

Family member got married this spring. Extremely generous - champagne on arrival plus pimms, beers. Excellent wine throughout meal. More champagne for toasts. Bar afterwards was free for wine, beer and single measure spirits.
Cocktails were excluded from the free element. One cheeky mare complained that this was “confusing”. Everyone else just taken aback by the generosity.

Ive been to many many weddings of all different levels. One last autumn - a single free drink - after that everything you paid for. Lots of totally free bars (lots of wastage / wasted folk). Majority somewhere in between.

Personally I feel that once you’re older I’d rather have fewer people and more or less open bar at weddings and big birthdays. Feels more gracious to me if finances allow.

As a chap I was one those in a kilt!

Although the kilt does seem to have an affect on the ladies present 😁

For those who have had a free bar at their weddings, how much did it end up costing and was it messy?

I've been to free bars for work events and people took the pee hugely by ordering elaborate cocktails, endless shots then falling about all over the place.

I think whatever you want to do is fine - it's your wedding - but just make expectations clear on the invitation. I've been to plenty of weddings with free bars and though I wouldn't expect anyone to provide one, it's nice to know what the expectations are beforehand.

I think it's a rarity these days unless there's some serious money behind the wedding. Wine for the tables and a bit of fizz for the toast are the norm for most weddings I've been too and nobody has said they were unhappy with that, all very happy days!

You have decent and unlimited wine with dinner then wine beer and singles at the bar. You don’t have cocktails and you tell the bar people no shots.

I don’t like attending events with a free bar.

People are far less restrained with alcohol when it’s somebody else footing the bill and that comes with a greater risk of people drinking too much and all that comes with that.

We did. But had a small, covid wedding. If the budget can stretch to it, maybe put a few hundred behind the bar then after that it's gone (but only you know if you have guests that will take advantage of that and order 21 shots at a time in the first 25 minutes so no one else gets a look in!)

Also i guess it depends how big it is - a nice gesture, but I wouldn't expect a free bar at all!!

I’ve been to more weddings that have a free bar than don’t, but I always go assuming there won’t be one. I’m surprised how many were free bars. They were all decent sized weddings, 100 guests vicinity. Parents would have been paying for the whole thing in all cases I would highly suspect.

Our wedding, which was one of the first, no free bar but we could provide our own alcohol with a corkage fee so there were welcome drinks and wine at the tables. Could also keep the open bottles for the evening. Evening guests got a drink on arrival. At the time I thought we were really generous but perhaps not now I think about it!

I’d be interested to know what the free bars cost at the weddings we attended, to see how much extra it was. Guess I won’t find that out though!

I wanted a free bar at ours, but I seem to remember it was quite complicated from a venue/caterer/licensing perspective, in that we would have essentially had to decide on all the drink (and quantities) we were pre purchasing, rather than people could just order at the bar and we got the bill at the end. We did have a (very generous) amount of fizz for the reception beforehand and the speeches/toasts, and plenty of wine on the tables at dinner so by the time it came to buying drinks from the bar later on people were already well refreshed anyway (I think we put money behind the bar for the wedding party etc as well).

Yes should be a free bar at wedding even if just beer and wine.

I always think cash bars are a bit poor show to be honest. Our bar was totally open and in the context of weddings it wasn’t even that expensive - 70 guests, £1500. There was also wine on the tables.

I find it annoying as a guest when I’m paying £6 a drink but the couple have clearly spent 000’s on pointless decor or something else that doesn’t really make a difference to your experience as a guest (a Photo Booth? Fine to have but not in preference of meeting peoples’ basic needs).

It’s not even about drinking necessarily as a Diet Coke is equally a fortune.

Anyway I don’t expect them to be TOTALLY free necessarily but I do expect:

• post reception drink
• wine on tables
• drink for toast
• some kind of bar arrangement eg. £500 and when it’s done it’s done, or certain drinks are free but if you want premium or doubles you have to pay, whatever.

Of all the weddings I have been to, they have all had a totally open bar apart from one which provided absolutely NOTHING for guests apart from a toast drink. Take a wild guess at which was the least enjoyable? Having an open bar sets a relaxed vibe.

£1500 + the cost of wine for the tables. It wasn’t any messier than any other wedding I’ve been to. Drinkers are going to drink, those who want to pace themselves, will.

That’s unusual. Normally it’s just you foot the bill at the end (with potentially some restrictions the staff are aware of - no 1975 single malts etc). Nothing complex about it.

No way. I’d never expect a free bar and I’ve never been to a wedding with one. My uncle put 500 behind the bar for my cousin but that’s not the norm I feel.

Agree with this - when you know they’ve spent £2000 on the photographer, £1700 on the videographer, £1000 on the dress and £750 on flowers you do begrudge your £250 hotel room when you’re then forking out £8 for a small glass of wine

We paid our £1500 up front with an understanding that we would settle any difference after the fact. In the end the total bar bill was £1536 and they let the £36 slide

the worst wedding I went to was when the b&q wouldn’t provide a free bar even though it was in a bloody marquee so not even a venue who would be working the bar anyway. They took £700 on the till so hardly any money in the big scheme of things.

anyway because it was all self organised being a marquee they didn’t have enough glassss or enough water, and there was nowhere to get any. it was a boiling hot day and THAT was the messiest wedding I’ve ever been too, everyone was trollied due to nothing else to drink in the heat.

my own free bar wedding wasn’t messy- I never really understand that as unless you can’t actually afford to buy drinks why would you be so thrilled with free drinks that you go nuts?! Maybe they’re right arses who love not paying or something.

Me too. I think it’s usual even if there is a just a set amount left. I’ve been to lots of weddings where the free bar tab runs out later in the evening and then everyone pays their way. But I’ve never bought drinks immediately after the wedding breakfast finishes or in the afternoon !

We did have a free bar but got married years ago. I think a toasting drink and maybe a glass of wine with dinner is plenty.

I agree - I think it’s something people say but it’s not actually a reality. I’ve already said upthread that in my experience if someone wants to get wasted at a wedding then they’ll get wasted at a wedding.

Slight exception was my cousin’s wedding abroad where my brother got absolutely trolled because the bar staff were pouring free measures!

I find it annoying as a guest when I’m paying £6 a drink

I have paid way more than that at weddings. Which is why we had a free bar.

I wouldn't expect a free bar (I don't want to imagine the cost of that!). I have been to weddings where there WAS a free bar, but the people getting married were insanely wealthy. Most weddings were: welcome drink, bottles of wine on the table and then soft drinks. I rarely drink alcohol (and when I do, it's no more than one or two units as a maximum).

I went along with that for my wedding (I'm now divorced though!). So we had: welcome drinks (decent prosecco - I couldn't afford Champagne), Pimms (as it was summer), bottles of red/white/rose wine on the tables, soft drinks and tea/coffee. Oh, and non-alcoholic fizz/wines for people too. I did get a mobile bar in, but this was for people to buy anything else. Our venue was cheap (nice village hall, backing out over the village green near the Church, had good parking, enough space for 150-200 guests and excellent facilities for wheelchair users) but it meant I could go all out on making sure we had loads of food and drink for everyone all through afternoon and evening.

Just do what is right for you though. I've seen guests really take the piss with free bars - lots of wasteful behaviour (and getting completely hammered!) just because they're not paying for the drinks.