AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

I certainly wouldn't have one because I know for a fact some relatives would take an open bar as some form of challenge ....

Will add we got married in France so the alcohol was probably cheaper than would have been in the UK. I felt obliged to have free food / drink and accommodation for everyone because they made such a big trip to attend and it couldn’t be just a one day trip either due to the distance.

Don’t recall ever having been to a wedding with a pay bar, and we’ve been to our fair share. But vast majority of them have been marquee do’s.
As long as you make your guests aware that they’ll need cash/cards, it’s your wedding do as you wish. Hope you have a lovely day OP.

When my sister got married everyone got a token for one free drink (in addition to the toast drinks). Beyond that it was buy for yourself, which I think is perfectly reasonable. I've never been to a wedding that had a free bar, the nearest I've had like that was one where there held in a a village hall and the booze was all bought as a present from the parents of the couple.

I didn't want my wedding to cost my friends anything. So we asked for no gifts and provided all food and drink. However we didn't have a fancy venue.
When you have a wedding in a fancy venue it's more common to provide first drinks and dinner drinks but not the party drinks.

Most of the weddings I’ve been to have had a free bar but I have no problem paying for drinks. I’m happy to do so if that makes sense for the budget but do say if it’s cash / card only.

Went to a Scottish wedding - it was "de riguere" for all the gentlemen to have a flask with a dram in their sporrans !!

Same.

This thread is an eye-opener.

Do people really buy their own drinks at a wedding?

I'm sure you enjoyed checking this!

Of course they do. Why would that be such a shocking eye opener?

People also pay for meals if they go out for dinner with friends to celebrate birthdays too. It's perfectly normal.

We didn’t.

We provide a glass of champagne for toast and put wine on the table with the meal.

after that people paid for their own.

that’s been the deal at every wedding I’ve been too.

Eye-opener in the sense that I have never been to a wedding where there wasn’t an open bar. And I’ve been to dozens of weddings.

A birthday is absolutely nothing like a wedding. Although if I’m hosting for my or DH’s birthday, we provide all food and drinks (beer, wine, spirits) with guests welcome to bring a bottle of wine if they want.

I’ve never been to a wedding with a free bar and being in my 50s I’ve been to a lot

I made the birthday comparison because some posters were saying if you host you should pay for everything. I'd host my friends to celebrate a birthday for a meal out but it's completely normal to not pay for everything and or to bring desert or drinks if a friends hosting you at home.

I'm surprised that some posters have never heard of paying for drinks at a wedding even if they've only been to weddings with free bars (and very wealthy friends). It's really isn't that uncommon or unusual.

Nah you have a birthday every year. You only get married once or twice. No comparison

I agree free bar not necessary but I would make sure that there is plenty of wine at the table with the meal. I went to a wedding wedding where the table wine ran out at our table very early on and it was really awkward. There was barely enough for a glass each.

You may have a birthday every year but that doesn't mean everyone celebrates each year with a meal or party. If a friend invited you to celebrate their birthday you wouldn't expect them to pay for all your drinks the same logic applies to a wedding.

in your logic, but as this thread is showing not everyone lives the same life as you!

The only Wedding with a free bar ( if you can call it that) Was in a village/community hall where the brides family provided the food and drink themselves. So they had multiple bottles of spirits etc Was actually quite a nice Wedding disco.

We had a free bar. We also had the same people for the ceremony/meal/evening. I personally would scale back the invite list in order to afford the wedding I want. I think paying for drinks at an invited celebration is odd.

Well no of course not life would be boring if we all did the same but it is showing that not having a free bar is incredibly normal and not at all something to find shocking.

Not had a free bar at a wedding since the early 1990s. Would be wildly costly to do this @Gettingmarried27eek Maybe offer 2 free drinks? Not sure how you'd go about doing this (and making sure people don't have more,) but that might be OK.

I think people would appreciate a couple of free drinks at least.... Last wedding DH and I went to earlier this year (at a posh hotel,) we got 4 drinks - 2 for us 2, and 2 for 2 others we were sitting with, (ours were non alcoholic.) Cost nearly £26 for the 4. I nearly passed out when the barmaid said '£25.75 please!'

Completely disagree, a wedding is nothing like a birthday to me. I don’t know anyone who would treat it as such. And I’m someone who makes a big deal around my birthday - new dress, big party, separate birthday dinner etc.

A wedding is a (hopefully) once in a lifetime event that needs to be more memorable. Expecting your guests to pay in the same way they would pay if you went out for birthday drinks is unthinkable in my social circle. Indeed most birthday parties I go to these days all food and drinks are completely paid for by the host, particularly milestone birthday celebrations, so to not pay for this at your wedding - again, unthinkable.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks it’s odd.

Then you're very fortunate that all your friends are in a position to be able to afford to do so. Unfortunately for many that would not be possible and it doesn't mean that they shouldn't also be able to enjoy celebrating events such as a wedding or birthday with friends and family just because they cannot afford to pay for everyone's drinks or in your case drinks and meals.

Its very lucky none of your friendship group has found themselves unable to do so but should they find themselves in that situation it wouldn't be unthinkable at all, it would be quite normal.