AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

Have been to so many weddings and don't think there was ever a completely free bar. 1/2 bottle wine per person on the table, plus sparkling for toasts. Sometimes they have paid for the first drink or two per person, but not free bar all night.

We had a free bar at our wedding but the bar staff helpfully advised to just make long drinks free - so beer, wine, cider, gin and tonic were fine, but not shots, otherwise our budget was going to be taken up by people doing Jägerbombs. I think that was fair - paying for people to have a couple of drinks but not for them to get pissed.

I wouldn't expect a free bar and wouldn’t worry about providing one. You may want to offer a free drink to any evening guests though if you have them. I did a pay bar and felt bad that evening guests didn’t get a drink on us (my ex had a lot of friends so we did have evening extras).

At least the welcome drink should be free- the best way of handling this that I have seen is putting a set amount of money behind the bar and when it is gone everybody pays.

I’ve only been to open-bar weddings except one and if I’m being honest I resented paying for a lemonade when we’d spent a huge amount to attend the wedding. Obviously not the cost of it but the principle – if I’m hosting, it’s on me. However, I don’t think it’s the norm to have a completely free bar now. Could you buy everyone one drink from the bar with tokens or similar? I would cut costs elsewhere to buy everyone a drink when they’ve come to celebrate with you.

Absolutely wouldn’t expect it and I don’t think it’s the norm for most people. Most weddings have a drinks reception before dinner and wine on the table and a toast paid for by the couple followed by a cash bar (also for anyone who doesn’t want wine with dinner).

We had quite a posh country wedding but it was cash bar in the evening. I am no fool. I know how much our families would have drunk if we were paying for it. Even when THEY were paying, it was ridiculous. Dh’s cousins went back to the hotel opposite the venue after the wedding and bought a bottle of scotch from the bar at shot prices. It ended up costing like £200 for the bottle. They didn’t care. No way we were paying for that foolishness.

On my own wedding many moons ago we were bullied into free bar by certain family members, they run a huge bill, refused to pay.
We didn't want free bar as could not afford it, however this part of family insisted so we had to
for them..
It still causes arguments years later, when 90% people had no free bar and paid apart from those who refused to.

Oh yes we also did this a welcome drink to evening guests.

i had a free bar at my wedding and it is expected the bar will be free in the circles I move in

YANBU. I didn’t allow any alcohol at our wedding because we don’t drink it and I don’t personally believe anyone should as I think it should be illegal.

So there was no way I was going to paying for people to drink. We had nothing but compliments about how much they loved the wedding, so clearly people can enjoy themselves without it.

We had a small wedding and provided a crate each of red and white. Thereafter everyone just bought what they wanted.

Expectations can do one 👍

What you are proposing sounds perfectly reasonable.

I think another thing to consider is what time weddings generally finish up where you are OP.
I’m Irish and the general finishing up time is about 2am, with some moving to the hotel’s residents’ bar for a couple of hours afterwards. (The ceremony itself generally will have taken place about 2pm the previous afternoon.)
I’ve heard weddings finish earlier elsewhere though.

Irish weddings finish at 2pm ?

Our UK wedding finished at 2am with a free bar from 3pm the previous day.

If you are lucky! I have been to a couple where they provided a breakfast at 6am as all the guests were still up!

Free bar is a recipe for disaster as any CFs will take full advantage and there will be someone who can't drink to excess without vomit and/or tears/fighting/arguments involved

Sorry, 2am I meant…I’ve since edited. Oops!
Typically a core group will continue in the residents’ bar for a good while afterwards…there’s often a singsong then.

I thought surely not 😂

We had a open bar at our wedding with one rule - no bubbles and no doubles!

I think a lot depends on the people you have coming to your wedding. I wouldn't, for example, want to provide free booze for people whose aim would be to drink the bar dry!

There is usually another party, bbq or similar the following day now. This is a fairly recent addition…they weren’t really a ‘thing’ when I got married 20 years ago, but any recent wedding I’ve attended has another gathering scheduled for the next day.

I don't expect a free bar but if I was planning a wedding I would try my hardest to make sure everything is supplied, even if it meant cutting costs elsewhere. People can spend a lot attending a wedding with travel, clothing, accommodation, presents etc, so I personally think it is rubbish that a couple spend loads on things like flowers and an expensive dress when they could provide drinks. That's just my personal opinion though.

We had a free bar; I don’t know if it was a good idea or not tbh! We bought all the booze beforehand and then the supplier took back what was unopened and deducted that from the bill. I think it worked well and I hope everyone felt looked after! This was ten years ago now but I do recall our friends being quite drunk so I think they enjoyed it!