AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

I’m Irish and have never attended a wedding with a free bar.

There is a drinks reception on arrival, wine served generously with the meal, and usually a toast provided for the speeches (fizz or drink of choice)…but you almost always need to pay for any extra drinks from the bar after that.

Obviously it depends on your social circle, but overall a free bar at an Irish wedding is rare. Google tells me 3% of Irish people, when surveyed, said there should be a free bar at a wedding. It’s really uncommon and definitely not an ethnic thing as you suggest…probably a ‘rich’ thing 😉

I wouldnt do a free bar. I guess though it depends on the people coming. I have relatives who fancy themselves as wine experts and would start ordering all sorts of expensive bottles.

A friend of mine had a christening for their child and their rugby playing friends cleared the food and the bar so that when she finally went to have something to eat it has all been scoffed. People were literally piling their plates with food and going back for seconds even though there were still people waiting to have something.

And no, she really really isnt the sort of person who wouldnt be stingy with food. She did underestimate how young men in particular just have no filter regarding free food.

I do agree with this. We hired a venue so could get all the booze at cost from majestic but many guests were travelling and paying for overnight stay so I didn’t want them to incur any other costs.

We then saved money on the photographer, no favours, no wedding cake (brownies instead) decorated it all ourselves, chose a cheaper venue etc. A free bar was important to me.

However I don’t think it’s standard in this country. You should provide a welcome drink, wine on the table and a glass of champagne for toasts. I do like the idea of drinks tokens and again I’d cut cost somewhere else if possible to do that.

Oh and because we bought it all in advance from majestic there was no taking the piss - it all needed be to drink so didn’t matter if people were having lots!

This is why I didnt have a wedding in a hotel though - didn’t want to pay overinflated ££ for drinks.

I do like a drink and not having an open bar wouldn't bother me in the slightest. But I would say that you just need to be clear on what is and isn't included.

I went to a wedding a few years ago, no wine on the table, so went to buy a bottle for 5 of us to share. Was told that wine was coming round. We were poured a small glass and then no more - which is fine, but if we'd known we would have brought the bottle anyway as we all wanted a bit more than a small glass during our meal.
Just ended up being a little awkward knowing what was included and what we were covering.

Agree with this. I had my wedding abroad and was only small 28 guests so no one paid for drinks on the day. If I was having a lot bigger do in the UK I’d probably pay for the first drink after the wedding breakfast and then up to an amount at the bar after then when it’s run out people pay.

Most weddings I’ve been to have had a free bar, we’ve always been prepared to pay though, would never expect it. The last wedding we went to the b&g had put money behind the bar and at about 10:30 it ran out, the mother of the bride then put more money in and the free drinks continued.

I've never been to a free bar wedding!

I absolutely don’t expect a free bar, but at the same time I’ve been to weddings in expensive hotels where the drinks prices are ridiculous. That’s the bit I’d consider. I’d choose a venue where bar prices are not inflated because it’s a wedding.

DC2 is getting married next summer and they have chosen a venue rather than a hotel so will buy all the meal drinks and the catering company will serve it, so will be cheaper for them i think.

I think it's fairly standard to have a tab behind the bar then once it runs out people pay for their own. It means that the people who don't drink wine aren't disadvantaged

No need to provide a free bar unless you were having a very very small number of guests.

I’ve never been to a wedding that’s had a free bar and wouldn’t expect it. I’ve been to 2 that there was wine on arrival at the reception. But I never had any just because I don’t like white wine and it’s not a good idea to mix alcoholic drinks anyway. There will always be a few that will take the absolute piss and get far to drunk so no I wouldn’t put one on.

Attended many, many weddings over the years and have also waited on hundreds probably. Only one I attended as a guest hada free bar. Some have first drink free and others have a welcome drink only and wine for the toast
As a hotel waitress, free bars were more common in the 90s and rare nowadays (still do the odd part time shift in summer) - It’s not necessary or expected.

We paid for an open bar for our son's wedding. I have rarely attended a wedding which did not have one. We considered having tokens, but it felt a bit tacky!! Our son's future MIL was against it, saying people would abuse the situation, but we found it to be the opposite.

It might be a generational.thing. Most weddings I've been to have had a free bar, I'm late 60s and by no means from a rich background. It was something you saved up for.

I’ve not been to a free bar at a wedding since about 1992

Not expected

We did a kind of hybrid. All the drinks up to the end of the meal were provided. So pimms, beers etc on arrival. Then all champagne and wine at the table and after dinner coffees etc.

Then in the evening everyone bought their own drinks.

Most weddings I have been to have been the same. I think the only ones I’ve been to where there was a free bar was where the wedding reception has been in a family member’s garden with a marquee etc.

We had a tab at our wedding because not everyone drinks wine but it was just at the meal.

Almost all of the weddings I have been to have had a free bar. When I got married we didn’t have a free bar. We had a drinks reception (fizz plain/with sloe gin/with marmalade vodka), then we had wine at the table (so much there were bottles left over), then a tab at the bar. We also provided a keg and a small tab on the Friday. We paid for guest accommodation and I preferred to do that rather than supply endless alcohol. The free bar weddings were messy…

I would never expect a free bar. What I do really appreciate are non-alcoholic alternatives to wine that are a bit more interesting than water and luke warm orange juice

We did a free bar and we're not extremely wealthy not wealthy. We had a lot of overseas guests. We didn't announce it was a free bar at any point (I think that is the key). We provided wine/prosecco at the tables plus a welcome drink and that lasted a long time. We set a £1500 limit for the bar, no doubles, cocktails or shots and we still struggled to hit that by closing time. Clearly it depends on your budget and the crowd you have but I think if you announce it's a free bar then people will go for it whereas if you just set a limit (and don't publicise that either!) then people are more respectful.

I'm Irish and always get told that the Irish have free bars at their weddings but I have never been to one and didn't have one at mine (2000). Nor did my friends and when we floated the idea of having one (we didn't want to look mean) everyone said, do not do it, only leads to trouble. We provided a welcome drink, put lots of wine on the tables and soft drinks and bought people any drink they liked for the toast (friends who were recently married found a lot of people didn't like champagne and it got wasted). Any friends coming in the evening were bought their first drinks but there was only a couple that came in the evening as they couldn't make the day. It was a small wedding, only 40 people. We kept our wedding local and tried to make it as cheap as possible for our guests to attend. TBH, I think more couples getting married would be better off considering what their day is costing their guests to attend and be a bit more considerate, rather than offering a free bar. A free bar is not much consolation if you are expected to pay a fortune on accommodation because the bride wants to get married in a castle in the middle of nowhere!

I wouldn’t dream of not having a free bar. I have only been to one wedding where guests were expected to pay for drinks. However it’s perfectly normal for that to be limited to wine beer and singles with no shots and no fancy whiskies.