AIBU to not provide a free bar at our wedding?

[Gettingmarried27eek]

I'm getting married next year. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on whether you'd expect a free bar at the venue?

I've been to many weddings over the years, some have a free bar, most don't. I'm not a huge drinker so am always happy to buy my own at weddings.

We do have wine at the tables to have with the meal and champagne for the toasts.

Does this seem reasonable? Many thanks all!

I’d have water on the tables too , just jugs of tap water and ask the restaurant to replenish as needed

Set a financial limit. Let everyone know that once reached they have to pay.
You will have people who go over the top. But most will not.
The limit doesn’t have to be high.

20 years ago, put £500 behind the bar for my wedding. For my 60th put money behind bar at the venue. I had already agreed price of beer/wine/soft drimks. The venue was brilliant about explaining how they kept an eye on the CFs (inevitably young rellies!) And anyone wanting a round of Aperols had yo pay!

Some of us either don't drink or drink very little for a variety of reasons. A tea and coffee station would be brilliant. I've never been to a wedding where there's been one, only godawful coffee.

Irish here and I have never ever been at a wedding that has a free bar. Always offered a drink on arrival (alcoholic or non alcoholic with many opting for tea or coffee), some have had sandwiches or finger food on arrival, others not. Wine at the table seems to be the norm at any of the weddings I was at.
I think a free bar leads to gluttony by many. Many overindulge because it's free.

I have been at Christmas parties where the company provided a free bar and it's absolutely disgusting the way people think when they aren't paying themselves. Gorge and over order and at the end of the night the wastage.

So if any CF is looking for a free bar I say the neck of them. You do you and put your money into something else.

What you propose is more than enough. I see you’ve arranged for tea and coffee so perhaps consider a non-alcoholic alternative to the wine but apologies if a pp has suggested that already……it’s too blooming hot to read reams and reams of a thread🥵
Have a wonderful wedding day 💐🍾

I think a paid bar is fine. And most will expect it. We put some money behind the bar so not totally free bar but it did last a while into the evening as people were still drinking the wine from the tables for a while too.

I've only been to one wedding with a free bar and that was a complete surprise to everyone including the bride and groom. The bride's dad gave his speech and then announced that there would be a free bar and he was paying for it all!

I’ve never been to a wedding with a free bar.

I’ve not been to many weddings but none had a free bar. At ours 2 years ago we had welcome drinks after the ceremony, Prosecco, orange juice or beer. Then half a bottle of wine per person on the tables and jugs of water with a glass of Prosecco for the toasts. Anything else, people bought from the bar themselves.

I think it depends. On how you think your guests are likely to behave and maybe also what the expectations are in your circles.

My experience of giving free bars is that they always cost a lot less than you think they are going to, because people don't seem to abuse them (or at least the vast majority don't). So cost wouldn't be consideration for me.

However in some circles I would guess there are many people who would just take it as an opportunity to drink as much as possible, fight, throw up and then collapse.

There are also of course some cultures where it is expected.

I've been to quite a few weddings where drinks were free, and quite a few where they weren't - I don't expect anything either way and if I don't have to buy my drinks then it's a pleasant surprise.

At my wedding we put a tab on the bar for after dinner (we provided the usual drinks reception, wine with the meal and fizz for the toasts), and once it ran out people would have to pay for their own drinks - as it was we didn't use the full tab so nobody ended up having to buy a drink. One of our friends said not knowing each time he went to the bar whether he would have to pay or not made him more grateful for the freebies!😅

I definitely second the comment from a PP about checking what the bar prices are like. I don't mind buying my own drinks at a wedding but I get really cross when it's ludicrous prices for crap booze - so check what your venue is charging for basic things like a mid-range glass of wine, a pint of lager etc. Weddings are expensive to attend without adding in central London pub prices for drinks.

Id do free soft drinks, but paid for alcohol

I don't think people expect a free bar, I think I have only been to 1 wedding where there was a free bar all night. At our wedding my father-in-law paid for a free bar from 5-8pm (as well as the welcome drink, wine for the tables and the champagne we provided to toast as part of our wedding package), weirdly he didn't tell us and neither me nor my husband actually went to the bar, we both only had a few drinks, people went and got them for us, we assumed they'd paid. It was only the next day when someone mentioned it we found out, there were a few people who were bladdered and I did find it a bit odd given how expensive the drinks were and how early on it was, but it all made sense the next day, free bloody bar for a limited time, so they filled their boots early doors!

My dad didn't pay for a free bar at mine or my siblings weddings but walked around table to table offering drinks to everyone and anyone, this to me was actually nicer, he went and chatted to people as he went.

No one expects free drinks though, and it can sometimes backfire if people get a little over excited at the prospect of it!

I have never been to a wedding with a free bar

We did a free bar at our wedding, in the scheme of wedding costs it really didn’t cost that much. About £800 20 years ago. Even double now wouldn’t dent the average budget.

in exs family had a slightly hysterical visceral reaction to the idea you might buy your guests drinks though- they were basically horrified which I thought was weird as fuck.

Me neither.

I know it’s expensive, but I think as a host, it is part of the cost of the wedding. So many weddings seem to have add ons, such as expensive party favours; which are just junk, sweet wagons, chocolate fountains, photo booths, magicians, massive floral displays etc.
The traditional wedding seems to have been lost to a more ‘funfair’ atmosphere.

Whilst it’s not common to have a completely free bar, if you’re having evening only guests it’s polite to “buy” them a drink at least because they won’t have had the fizz of wine. An alternative it to invite evening guests to arrive in time for the cake cutting and they are offered fizz on arrival.

we did have a free bar and our 65 guests didn’t cost us that much - was just under £1000

“No bar necessary. If people want spirits, tell them to bring a hip flask for later.”

bloody hell it’s a wedding not a camping trip. Would I bugger be swigging from a hip flask like a 15 year old in the park 😭

I’d never expect a free bar, of courses it’s a happy bonus but I wouldn’t be disappointed/ annoyed at all. Cost of living is going up, weddings are expensive enough!

Wine on tables and a champagne toast is perfect

This is what I don’t get I would treat the guests go what they want every time over crap gifts and favours, tacky signs and baskets of flip flops although tbh I imagine that stuff is as cheap as it looks so maybe not in the same price range as a free bar.

We didn’t both with the tat, sweets, Photo Booth type stuff, we figured they would prefer a drink or 3. Only issue is one of the nieces got very drunk and had to be taken home by her mum, she’s still being reminded 2 years on!

Fine OP. Just make sure there is the usual bubbles on arrival, decent amount of wine on the tables and more bubbles for the toast.

I would also add bar prices to your venue selection criteria, and bar size/serving capacity.

If it is unreasonably expensive and time consuming to buy a drink guests often give up and it ends up a bit of a damp squib. I'm not talking Wetherspoons prices, but if it is £8+ for a pint, and they have to queue for 15 minutes for the privilege, your guests will remark on it.

I am 55 and never had a free bar at a wedding! Wine/ beer/water/soft drink for the meal and toast definitely but after that people are on their own, my Dd didn't have a free bar at her recent wedding

Yes

It's awful when you're driving and it's a really long day and it's hot and not even the soft drink for free we could do two per person or something that would help