To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

So what’s stopping your husband letting you have a Saturday off and vice versa?

Is there not any opportunities for a mental health day? Or do you ever work extra so you can then use TOIL? Who is it you are employed by? As seems strange there is no holiday pay?

Also you mention your mum has your child every day after school, so for 30 mins. I am sure a day with her in the holidays would be fine if you asked and probably more fun than just doing after school when your DD is probably tired.

@Moonnstarz Unfortunately not as I work through an agency. If I am off sick there is no pay. There is no TOIL - hours are set. It is in essence the same as being self-employed.
Luckily I've only needed to take half a day off in three years (when I couldn't see to drive due to migraine). I can't afford to be ill or miss potential working days!

I would keep an eye out on council websites to see if there is something similar with better conditions.

So that leaves you with

• alternating weekends with DH
• evenings (what time does DH finish work, you could go out after? Costa near me opens til 7, else there are places like lounges which open later and are a bit nicer than wetherspoons, if you have any near you)
• asking your mum. She might be delighted and actually feel better than you just using her for childcare term time.

Why do people assume everyone is an office worker with unlimited leave to take? Many people are self employed or have other jobs where they can’t just take leave when they want

It's completely understandable that your mum or a friend can't take your daughter for a day, and that paid childcare doesn't fit in your budget. But since your child's dad has weekends off, he should be spending more one on one time with her for her sake, AND giving you an occasional break. Yes, he works longer hours and a more regular schedule than you, but you should each end up with the same amount of "time off". She's as much his responsibility as yours, and it's a bit horrid to treat spending time with her as an imposition or a chore.

If you're really only asking occasionally - I got the impression from your post you were desperate for ONE day out of the whole term! - I'd be deeply, deeply, deeply unimpressed if he wouldn't step up.

Tbh having just one 6 year old and a DH would feel like a break in itself to me, but I’m 10 years into widowed parenting with one of my two DC neurodivergent…but I guess it’s all relative, and this was absolutely not a lifestyle choice on my part (pass the gin )

If you’re not happy something DOES have to change, be it your job, the way you share finances and/or your DH’s contribution to family life.

If youve got someone to help out then go for it.

@StJulian2023 How do you do all of that and work?! Total credit to you!

Sounds like you should
(i) look into ways of making a bit extra money so things aren't so tight financially during the summer. Could you do 11+ tuition? (The test is September so people need tutors in summer) or other more general tutoring?
(ii) rely on your DH a bit more to give you a break at the weekend.
(iii) Take a look at the family finances. NB you not working over the summer is enabling him to work FT and not have to take leave for childcare, is he paying anything towards the cost of you doing this? If not, you are taking a double financial hit by both not working and having to fund any activities

You and dh need to split weekends occasionally. Maybe once a month he gets all Saturday to himself and once a month it's your turn for a me day. No extra money or time off needed.

Lota of great suggestions here. I agree by you not working in the holidays, your DH can work FT without your household having to pay for childcare.

You should look at your family finances, and ensure you both have equal spending money, and equal downtime to do as you please - as a PP suggested, even one weekend day a month each would be great.

I'm sure your Mum would be willing to have your DD for one day in the 6 week summer holiday if you asked?

Either you keep going as you are, or you make a change for your own happiness 😊

Why do you assume office workers have unlimited leave to take?

If you help a friend out during the week, why isn't she returning the favour at a week?
Very normal to do this

I personally don't know anyone who works 365 days a year. I don't consider work "me-time" either... I consider it work.

My me-time is my lay-in on a Saturday morning when my DH takes our toddler to rugby (we alternate each week). Or the 30 mins once a month or 6 weeks that I get my brows done. My DH gets the alternative Saturday to lay-in and he has hobbies too. When my kids are older and better able to entertain themselves (currently two kids 2 and 2 months) then we will get a bit more free time each.

The OP actually does get free time at the weekend when her DH has 1 on 1 time with their child... its just she wants spendy trips so I think the me-time isn't actually the issue here anymore it's actually lack of funds which is unfortunately a predominant issue these days.

I agree, reading between the lines it’s a money and DH problem. Sounds like OP has no money as she doesn’t work school holidays and her husband is letting her struggle because they have separate finances.

No. It’s totally normal, totally normal and healthy. People who say they love spending every second with their precious child are the real freaks and I’m pretty sure they lie to make others (normal people who want some time to be an adult) feel bad.

You need to be more flexible.

Get an evening job in the holidays. Do evening tutoring in the holidays.

Or earn more during term time then spread your budget over 12 months.

If you earn some more money in the hols, you can put your DD into a holiday club for a day and enjoy a day out.

Send her to stay with grandparents for a week?

I'm a teacher. I work 40 hours a week in term time, then lots of planning/marking in holidays, plus I have three kids. Mine are now 10 and 15 so can be left for a few hours so I can go out. That's more than enough for me, so if your DH takes her to the park for a few hours then you do get time to yourself.