To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

If you don’t have any spare money can you take up any excercise, even walking? It’s really great for peace and mindfulness. Just get out there first thing in the morning at weekends for about 45 mins - 1hour, put some headphones in and breathe. Get a pace on and you will feel awesome at the end.

You have to find your moments. You should definitely be able to go out for the odd weekend day and DH do the same.

But the camps are more expensive then holiday clubs

I genuinely don’t really understand what you are asking. Surely at 6yo and with one child, you get time away from them when they are at school? Or do you homeschool? In which case, don’t, if it’s not working for you.

We didn’t really have time away from kids until the last started school. DH and I worked opposite days and shifts to avoid childcare (not against it, was a financial move), I often worked doubles so more often than not we literally tag teamed in and out the door so one of us pretty much always had the kids. DH had time to himself as I mainly did nights so he had that time after putting them to bed and before he went to bed. I considered my ‘me’ time to be when I was at work 🤷‍♀️.

Can you arrange reciprocal play dates- a friend has the kids for a day then you swap? What about evenings when DH is home from work. When you say 'proper time' do you mean a whole day or can you carve out smaller chunks of time here and there?

The OP works term time so is at work when the kids is in school...

It's not funding YOU though. It's funding childcare. If you were working full, he'd be contributing to the childcare / holiday clubs etc.

Going for a coffee on a Saturday with a book or a podcast isn't a luxury. It's £5 while he has your daughter for a few hours. Yes, going shopping and spending money has to stop of you cany afford it but that is a different issue - that's not a "I don't get a break" issue. You need to learn how to have a break on a budget.

I literally do not understand how this hit 4 pages...

Its perfectly possible.
You and your dh work mon - fri and have one older child.

The answer is you take turns a 6 yo is hardly difficult to look after....the park, neacj, forest, soft play or a cinema trip burns 3 hours +

"Dh i need a break.
This Saturday I'm taking dd out for the day, you can have a day off and relax / do what you like... next Saturday i'd like you to look after her solo so I can have a break. That way She gets quality time with us both and we both get a break. "

I have 2 under 2 with my dh and we regularly have "breaks"

Not unreasonable to want a break. With a 6 year old you need another adult to look after them. This generally means dad, friend, family or paired childcare. You’ve given reasons why none of these work for you. So I’m not really understanding the problem as you are choosing not to use the above options.

I live in a city so may be different if you're rural but there are numerous free or almost free (maybe £5 or less) holiday clubs if you know where to look.

Sounds like you and DH need to have a serious discussion about finances and budget together. You're both struggling and it sounds like there's little room for savings or fun. It might be that one or both of you need to review your jobs.

He could take a few days off over the holidays surely, to give you a break?

I meant if you dont earn (can't, actually due to childcare) he should be shouldering more of the bills in this period to give you some headroom for some activities).

Absolutely agree with this. My idea of a day window shopping and lunch out would cost £10 to £15 inc travel.

It really is difficult to understand how neither OP or her DH is able to achieve this a few times a year.

If finances really are that drastically tight, you might want to look at income improvement such as selling on Vinted, other home based side hustles, evening work a couple of times a week?

It wouldn’t help now, sorry, but when you go back to work you should put $$ aside in a separate place to cover future unpaid breaks that you may enjoy more. (Just divide your annual income by 52 weeks.)

Do you work for a company or are you a self employed tutor? Can you set your dates to start slightly later than school so that you have a day when your DD is at school but you can be off.

Though I see you don't actually just want a child free day, you want a spendy day which would be another issue in itself.

We’ve 3 small boys. No family support. My husband and I have to give each other breaks.
what you do with your break doesn’t have to be expensive. eg a walk, run, flask of hot chocolate and a book in the park, or if the house is empty a podcast in the bath or simply enjoying the sound of silence and no one asking you for snacks.

All things are relative. I would have loved more one to one time with my six year old DD, and would have very much seen that as a break, without having to look after her four and two year old brothers at the same time. Does your DC have sleep issues? What time does she go to bed? I always saw post bedtime as my down time, with a nice meal with DH in the latter part of the week/over the weekend. Your DD should be able to entertain herself for a period of time during the day, and as others have said, having a friend over takes her attention away from you. It is possible to have down time without leaving the house and spending money.

Could your Mum look after her once a week? You said she collects her after school on term time.

aren’t being unreasonable but the reality is that if you work term time only (which is a choice, you could take different work) you don’t get extra time off so in effect you are default childcare. From about age 8 I found cheaper holiday “play” clubs existed, often attached to leisure centres, not all day but entertain kids -run by the council they were cheap. I also kept an eye out for “try a sport” programmes eg my dc did a week of mornings at a squash centre for free as the club had got some funding (we weren’t low income)

Yes, but so are other parents? Not getting the issue? Point being they are not with their child so that’s the childfree ‘me time’ like everyone else?

@HoppingPavlova When is my childfree "me time" exactly? I work ft with high needs SEND children for a living. Best job ever but not easy.

@Moonnstarz No as I couldn't afford to take off an unpaid day when daughter starts back at school. We start back the same day and finish on the same days.

So do you actually work at the school then? I was thinking you were doing tutoring at home?
Do you have exactly the same term dates?

I work in a school. Both my children were there but now one has left and his term dates and completely different to mine.

@Hobbitfeet32 There is nobody willing to have my little one in the summer hols. Literally the only family I have is mum but understandably she doesn't want little one a lot in the hols as she as her every day after school in term-time. Most of my friends all have adult children and either work or are early retired so understandably couldn't/wouldn't look after a small child. The only friend that has a child same age works ft.

@Moonnstarz I tutor in homes - children unable to access mainstream. All dates the exact same.