To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

@BudgetBuster That's definitely an idea for when I'm back at work and earning again - thank you 😊

Oh yes he absolutely deserves a break too. Isn’t this what most families do? He goes off to exercise or meet friends or just wants to watch TV in peace and you take DC out, and then the next day it works the other way round?

If he takes her to the park for a few hours then that is a break, you just need to make the most of it and take yourself out with a book or magazine to a coffee shop and ignore everyone for a few hours.. or run yourself a bath and leave your phone in another room at a minimum. Or go for a run or whatever it is you need for yourself.

@LividRoasting Do you think this would be manageable in the evenings? Definitely need the money!
I'm primary trained.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing We don't have a joint account (but that is something I don't want to change).

Why do you need to be earning to get a break?

@BudgetBuster Well the things I like to do cost money. Taking myself off shopping, going for a lunch out etc. I don't have those funds currently (but will when back working from September).

Doesn’t your child have school friends you can ask around. Even if it’s not reciprocated, they are occupied and you can have a break.

And yes take it in turns with dh to have a break.

Not unreasonable at all! Everyone needs time to recharge and I think you and your partner need to find ways to factor this in for both of you. This is regardless if you are earning or not. You mentioned that the things you like cost money which I understand but going for a coffee solo can a nice breather or popping round to see a friend or going to the gym. Just little things to recharge. You mentioned separate accounts which is fair enough but if you’re at home with your child in the summer there is no childcare costs so it would not be unreasonable for your DP to give you some money to do something nice for yourself. You should be operating as a team.

You need to take time at weekends, it doesn’t have to be every weekend but one day a month or something (and your husband could do the same).

We have busy lives, with jobs and 2 children but we always make sure there is time for ourselves. My husband goes to the football every month or so and takes most of the day. I go and watch sport, this weekend I am watching the Euro athletics.

It can be like a military operation to make sure the children can get to where they need but we squeeze time in for ourselves too.

If you don’t want to ‘do’ something then can your husband take the kids on a day trip? We’ve done this is in the past too so the other one can catch up on sleep.

You don’t have enough money to go out for the day window shopping and having lunch?

And DH only has DC alone for a few hours here and there?

I think you have a DH problem. 💐

Why not go do something on the weekend? Surely, your Dh who misses the whole week with his child should want to do something with them.

If I want a day to do something, I just tell Dh. I’ve done several day hikes this summer where Dh drops me off in the morning and collects me in the afternoon, or sometimes I camp overnight. Dh also takes them away sometimes. He took youngest away to a tank festival a few weekends ago for 3 nights. I still had our eldest who is 13, but I could get on with doing things. This weekend, he’s taking them both camping for 2 nights so I’m home alone with the dog all weekend. It’s great. I have cancer and several chronic illnesses, so I need rest and we intentionally build in these breaks for me since I do the bulk of the parenting during weekdays.

Time to yourself doesn’t cost money. I hike and wild swim and go to the beach and read books in the garden. None of that costs money other than fuel to get there. You don’t even need to leave your house. Sometimes I just nap.

@Bestfootforward11 Tbf to my husband he doesn't have any spare money. I have access to his banking app so I know what he has and what he spends (which isn't much at all).

Both your DH and your friend get annual leave and weekends. There is also nothing wrong with using holiday clubs one day / afternoon a week.

@Likeiloveyou it's not my DHs job to fund me. I only work term-time so that's on me but it does mean luxuries have to go on hold until I'm back.

Have you got a tax free childcare account ? There will be childcare that accepts this as payment, and so if you can put enough in it for a day or two next summer at least you can put your child into a holiday club for a bit of a rest! Don't you usually pay for childcare term time eh before and after school club - is there any funds there ?

I am similar as I'm a teacher so all holiday childcare falls to me. I have two kids and it can be full on!!

@Fieldday26 We don't have any spare money for holiday clubs.

@Wonderones No - we never use childcare as I work between school hours (9.30 - 3.30). My mum has LO until 4pm on school days.

This is bs. How does she have a DH problem when the husband also has no time to himself and no money either.
Whats happening here is that based on your current family set up, you both dont have enough spare money to either afford any fun.
You both need personal down time that’s not spent either at work or looking after your child. Even if it’s first doing low cost things like going out for a coffee on your own at the weekend whilst your h looks after your 6yo and he does the same or you take up a cheap hobby then when you have more money, you can do more things

My parents look after mine and I’ve booked a day off from work and I’m not going to tell anyone - not my parents, not my husband, no one. I work from home so it won’t be obvious. I’m so looking forward to no one screaming at me or expecting anything from me for the first time in 5 years.

Why are you paying rent and bills through your non paying school hols and doing all the childcare with no funds to make it less intense?

Can you not use a holiday club of some sort

@fuckeditupbadly I don't understand? Where do the funds come from?

DH can take a day off work for you to have a day to yourself.
Not too much to ask.

Come on DH be reasonable.
X

@Bananacrepewithnuts I think he feels the school holdings are my "days off".

Why does your DH not take any time of in the holidays?