To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

Your DH needs to give you time at the weekend and then you do the same for him in return - I'm not sure why that hasn't happened at any point over the past six years that you've been parents?

The OP has said that her DH does actually take the child and do 1on1 with her at weekends for a few hours at a time.

If anyone actually deserves a child-free break, it’s the child’s grandmother.

send her to a fun children’s day camp - find out which ones her classmates are going to. It might be £40/50 for a day but that comes out of your joint wages, ie your husband pays too because he needs this childcare in order to work.

I read your op assuming you were a single parent.

I am up to 10am now and assuming your 6 year old is not your dhs child.

it’s not making a whole lot of sense otherwise.

I’ll keep reading

I must have missed that - in which case, the issue seems to be lack of money - which would be solved if OP worked more hours.

Ok, I’ve reached the end and you haven’t clarified - is your child also your dhs child?

you both seem to be acting as if she’s entirely your responsibility- is she?

But one day is nothing? Surely a grandparent that is willing to devote every evening to looking after their grandchild would be happy to see them over the holidays. 6 weeks is a long time. The grandmother must live close enough to do regular child care so I am sure they would see her once a week, it not once a fortnight during the school holidays.

Just thinking back to when our dds were small…
loosely our weekends would be be
friday night - one of us or the other out with friends
saturday - I played football in the morning. We had a large group of friends who all had kids same ages ish so Saturday afternoon/night would be a bbq round someone’s house with everyone.
Sunday morning dh played golf.

about one weekend a month or so one of us or the other would go away with friends, he used to go on golf trips, I’d go with a few friends hiking and stay in b and bs.

about 4 weekends a year we’d go away camping with a big group of friends. Totally easy in this situation to take yourself away for a few hours for a solo walk or whatever. We’d go Friday night and back at work Monday.

some of the above things above cost money, but there is so much stuff that doesn’t. Hiking with friends, staying with friends, going to the beach etc

you ‘want one child-free day where I can do something for me’ but you are perfectly able to so far as what I’ve seen here, unless you have omitted something particularly unusual about the way you live; you are just choosing to insist it’s not possible.

???? And I worked decades in a high pressure A&E environment. You are a parent. That’s your ‘me time’🤷‍♀️.

If you had a teaching job in a primary school you’d be paid over summer? Surely that makes more sense.

What on earth are you on about with the ‘letting you’? My DH did not have control of my rosters 😵‍💫. My DH got plenty of days ‘off’. Those involved having the kids. I had plenty of periods where there was not a ‘Saturday off’, indeed not a day off at all. Was not uncommon to go 10 days straight and some of that double shift. Saturday off🤣. Point being, the time you are not with the kids is your ‘me time’, so I had plenty of that.

With the best will in the world OP this is within your gift to solve but it just sounds like you want more money to spend in your non earning times of year without anything else changing.

There is no way your husband's leave is entirely taken up with family holidays and even if it is then I'm sure there are times when you are on holiday where you could arrange to take some time for yourself.

It's a luxury to work term time only - that's why you don't have enough money, you are only being paid for 38-40 weeks of the year. Agency works great if you want the flexibility and can offset the lack of holiday pay and sickness benefits with a higher wage. It doesn't sound like term time agency work is working for you and your family though if DH isn't a high earner and you don't share finances (which is a bit nuts frankly when you aren't paid a 3rd of the year and are providing 'free' childcare for the family instead)

Your mum has your 6 year old for less than an hour a day, week days, term time only. I'm sure she would be happy to give you an odd day here and there in the holidays if you asked her.

It's ok to want a day to yourself but no one is going to sort it out for you - if you aren't willing to share finances, get a job that pays all year round, find occasional childcare or ask anyone for help then nothing will ever change.

@pastabest We do share finances - neither of us earn much.
My mum is 70 so understandably I don't want to put on her any more than she already does (which is a lot as she also helps with care for my disabled older brother).
My current job doesn't offer any hours over the holidays but I love it with a passion when I am in term-time so keen to keep doing it. It brings me so much joy.
I just wish I could have a full day relaxing I guess and not feeling terribly guilty for not doing housework etc. Perhaps it is too much to ask though.

@2026newname I did teach. For 22 years. Never again.

@arethereanyleftatall Yes she's his only child.

‘Perhaps it’s too much to ask for though’

Wtaf?!? Literally no one on this thread has said that. Everyone has said it is perfectly achievable as you have a husband. It’s also perfectly normal. I have no idea why you are choosing to keep yourself miserable.

It’s really not too much to ask. It’s very simple, you tell your husband you need a day to yourself and you take one and you also let him take one. If you can’t do this you have bigger problems.

@SunnyRedSnail My parents-in-law are both 84 and my MIL is registered blind. They live over an hour away. How can I send my daughtrr to them for a week?!!!

As you tutor, you set your own timetable. I suggest starting a little after schools return and/or finishing a little early. Then you can carve out time alone more regularly.

So have one Saturday a month off and vice versa. OP you said he takes your child out for a few hours at the weekend, so make it a day. What’s the issue?

What do you think people who have to work school holidays do?

I’d expect this post to be written by a single parent working FT not someone with a husband who chooses to work term times only.

You are not, and never will be, unreasonable for wanting a day to yourself ❤️
The holidays sound like a very hectic time for you, but could you pencil in a day then first week of term? Something to hang onto and look forward to.

@hellisemptyandallthedevilsarehere
I can't afford to drop any pay.

The issue is you working term time only, this is capping your funds.

my assumption is that this is so you don’t have to pay for childcare. So it’s a toss up.

work more hours earn more money and be able to afford some child free time OR earn less but save on childcare.

look into some free or low income summer schemes put on by your local authority. I’d pay for 1 day of a cheap summer club a week. Or plan for next summer at least

People on here have no idea of why you live the way you do op. You aren’t really saying why your husband can’t have her for a day for example. So all anyone is going to do is give the perfectly normal suggestions of what they do to get some down time. That poster wasn’t to know your MIL is blind, was she?!