To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

Yes we all need a break and tike to ourselves as a parent.
I used to finish a hour earlier unpaid to do grocery shopping when I had a toddler because it saves my sanity.
Was like a afternoon off.

@lovingthebeachlife He takes a week for a family holiday.

She could have them on a weekend day…

Of course you’re not unreasonable to want a break. I noticed your Mum has the LO while you work would she be willing to have them so you can have a day to yourself?

She’s asking why your DH isn’t paying for it

@MyDarlingRose Because he doesn't have the money to?

@fuckeditupbadlybut surely he gets more than 1 week a year?

On the weekend could he not give you a day off?

@lovingthebeachlife Yes. He takes some time off for Easter and Christmas. Occasionally the odd day in term-time but not often.

If you don’t earn enough to pay for a holiday club (my dc sometimes do a few hours of tennis for under £15) & your DH doesn’t help much I am not sure what to suggest.

Could your mum not have a sleepover once a month to give both of you a bit of free time.

I agree, without more information it doesn’t sound like he is the problem.

There are plenty of completely free things to do though to take the pressure off - take up running / jogging, alternate lie ins on weekends, take a thermos to a park bench with an old book and don’t come home for a few hours, go on a long walk with a podcast on your phone.

If OP’s only definition of a break of time off is a shopping trip or a full meal out and she chooses to work term time only, that’s on her really. Both parents require a few hours off regularly - this should (ideally) be the case in any healthy relationship. But what you do with those free hours is key - if you’re just going to clean the kitchen, doom scroll and feel sad about not having free time (during your limited free time!), then that’s the issue!

for the future - get her involved in guiding or scouting. It’s not usually too expensive and she will be able to go every week …. Then ours do things in the holidays - camps/days out etc

I worked in early years for decades and had my own children, every July just before the school holidays i took a day off and went away from 7 in the morning til 10/11 at night. I didn't do any "prep" before hand, just left their dad to do the parenting. I needed that day for me. Have your day, it doesn't need to be expensive, a day in another part of the county is all it rakes, sitting watching the world go by. The slower the day and the less you try and pack into it the better.

@happydays312 she is in Rainbows currently so she will do 😀

Is he not entitled to annual leave? Or is he self employed? Surely he must have time to spare so you can do something

OP - does your dd not have friends from school? Play dates are the way forward, yes you have to have someone else’s child in your house for a morning or afternoon but generally they then play together so it’s less work for you and then you get the return play date.

You’re not giving enough info for people to help really. Put your daughter in holiday club for one day a week/every other week over the holidays.

@FancyBiscuitsLevel I am friends with the mum of my little girl's best friend. She works ft so we sometimes do things together (with the girls) once she has finished for the day.

@Billibilli I can't afford that. Rent and bills have to take priority.

Are you friends with any parents of DC in your child's school?

A lot of tutors here do not start til 2nd week of term or end a week earlier than school (especially where there is a part week eg term finishing or starting on a weds). Is this an option so you can have time for yourself while DD is at school?

I feel you op it's rubbish. One of my children has additional needs so holiday clubs are not a option, playdates are tricky and often more exhausting for me. Even when my dh takes them all out they can't tolerate more than 3 hours without needing some downtown in a safe "home"environment.

It might not work this year op as they get booked up early. I managed to find a rare unicorn of a free club this year for my 11 year old. They took from 8 so might be a possibility for the future. I'd look for any free clubs. Ask school parents/ or even council what's available. The one I found through a school parent was not advertised anywhere!
I still had my other two children with me but it was something!

I dont even know where to start. You need a big think.

Noone has it all. You choose term time so of course you're only paid term time. If you want more earnings, you need alternative or additional work. If you're opting not to then yeah, less money is the result.

DH is his own set of problems. He isn't working 7 days a week and it's pig ignorant of him to assume you're his built in childcare and he simply drifts into their lives for the fun bits.

You could consider play date swaps, using day-out money for a holiday club or confronting your husband about his lack of responsibility.

But yeah, ultimately there are no easy answers and you choose your hard.

Personally I don't love working 40 hours over 4 days where I barely see my kid over those 4 days but then my DC has her dad doing the school runs and has that time woth DC and I do then get a day off to myself every week, can spend extra time with DC in the hols and then afford clubs 🤷‍♀️ noone has it all.

In your circumstances, I'd probably do playdste swaps. The kids entertain themselves at our house and then do the same at someone elses. It's exactly like the Motherland Drop Off Party invite 😆

Do his luxuries go on hold too?

I would buy extra annual leave each year and plan a days leave just for me and not tell anyone!! It's not unreasonable to need a day to yourself at all. I'm a lone parent and it's been the only way I've been able to manage my own needs.