To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

[FunPartyIdeas]

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

It isn’t so much baiting, it’s about the fact that nothing the op says makes any sense initially to strangers who don’t know her situation, until she then later goes on to explain why.
so for example, a reasonable assumption from the op was that she was single. She comes on later to explain she isn’t.
the next reasonable assumption is that her husband could parent. That goes on for about 100 posts whilst she ignores everyone who said that, before she explains he’s disabled.
she then says she earns £32ph and needs her mum to do pick ups, plus her dh works full time, so the reasonable assumption there is that they have enough money to afford Netflix. She then goes on to say people cancel frequently.
the reasonable assumption then, if people cancel frequently, is to assume that she actually has lots of free time to herself every time someone cancels. She then says she spends all that time trying to get other jobs. This must be pretty futile if on a prorata £44k a year job she can’t afford Netflix.

I don't understand? I know that not all disabled parents are able to parent due to their disabilities, while others can, but I don't understand how someone who can't look after their child can work full time. Not being facetious, genuinely don't get it. (And I realise I'm privileged because I'm not living it therefore not understanding)

How can you not understand?

What is there to understand? I don’t understand what you don’t understand.

@arethereanyleftatall i guess I’m not seeing it as details to nitpick over (I’m not suggesting you personally are doing this) I’m just taking it that at the moment she can’t have free time to herself for all sorts of reasons and I’m just accepting that.

The problem is there has been a lot of “can’t” from OP even though there are some fairly obvious and easy solutions.

For example, saying her husband works FT but that he is unable to parent for 1 day doesn’t add up.

I know a single mum with a degenerative spine condition who works PT and still manages to parent on her own despite being on a cocktails of painkillers. That’s what having no time to yourself really looks like.

FunPartyIdeas

none of this has anything to do with disability for me. I asked about your dh helping and was told I was trying to be smug and knew you were a single mother. I said I didn’t know if you’re a single mother and somebody said your dh is disabled and can’t be left with your child. I said I hadn’t seen that. Two members of my family work with severe disability/ health issues. Sorry if I offended you

@Insalata I assume she had some time when her child is in school if she works pt?

It might have been better for the op if she’d included in her op ‘not looking for solutions, for various reasons there aren’t any, just after solidarity please’ because the op as it stands has resulted in strangers trying to help her, but almost being told off for doing so as their suggestion isn’t achievable.

@arethereanyleftatall Where on earth has this absolutely ludicrous £44k per year figure come from?!!! I've never earned anywhere near that in my life! Why on earth would we be privately renting if I was bringing in that sort of money?

I don’t think it’s so much that people ‘can’t’ or even shouldn’t offer the solutions, it is just that if they’ve been offered and it’s been explained that they don’t work for whatever reason they rather than keep arguing about why that isn’t acceptable or getting churlish about it just accept that yes, that doesn’t work. I don’t mean you personally, just the general tone of the thread.

£44k per annum is what a £32 per hour term time role is.
you had before I posted that detailed your mum got her from school so a reasonable assumption at that point was that you were working mon-Fri 9-4pm 39 weeks of the year.
you later came on to say that clients cancel frequently for which you get zero pay.
I am quite surprised that you haven’t done the sums to fathom if overall this is a good return.

OP if people are cancelling at short notice they need to pay anyway. You need some proper T&Cs explaining this and you need to hold them to it. Contact everyone during the holidays telling them this is how it will be from next term.

If your clients have significant SENs then they will be receiving benefits that are partly for help they need so that's what they need to spend the money on, whether or not they actually use the service.

Not really. Being a single parent means the household chores and school runs between two different schools fall solely on her. Now imagine doing all that whilst in agony.

I understand this isn’t a race to the bottom and everyone is allowed to vent, even though there are people much worse off, but you have to accept people will point out that you have plenty of opportunity for a day to yourself.

It would be like writing a post moaning that I can’t afford to fly first class when some people can’t even afford to fly, if you see what I mean?

You work PT yourself and as another pp pointed out you must get days to yourself when students cancel and your LO is at school. I appreciate you said you have to fill out some paperwork but this isn’t going to take all day surely.

I think you’re just frustrated being at home with your child all day and not having much money to do much with, rather than genuinely having no time to yourself, and it’s ok to feel like that.

@Insalata I explained why time when students cancel is not time to myself. I have to work over cancellations via supply.

@Bjorkdidit Unfortunately it doesn't work like that as it not the parents paying for the tuition. Tuition is paid for via the LA who have set policies.

I realise this may not work in practice, but if you have a TV upstairs is there any way you could spend the day up there, with DH and child downstairs, and do your slob in PJ's day and binge watch TV day that way? Obviously you'd have to have the ability to switch off from what's going on downstairs, and your child will have to believe you're not actually there, but could that possibly work? It wouldn't be as good as having the place to yourself but might be a compromise?

I don't understand why someone who can work full time isn't able to look after their child for 10 minutes.

You don’t understand that some jobs are entirely desk based, don’t require any movement? I’m genuinely asking here - you have no clue that jobs like this exist?

Of course. But doing a desk-based job means he can sit on the sofa watching TV with his kid for 10 minutes. Or am I missing something?

@Easilyforgotten I like that idea, but we don't have any TVs upstairs. The only TV we have is the one in the front room. I could read, but knowing my little girl she would be up and down the stairs to find me! 😀

Why be deliberately obtuse?. I would agree with the poster that I’m surprised anyone can do a full time desk based job and not look after a child for ten minutes. We can only be talking about a baby. Actually no, a baby would be fine as at the end of the day they can cry for ten mins? So it must be just when they’re a toddler, too young to understand danger but a physical disability so you can’t stop them doing something. But actually, that doesn’t hold either, as the physically able person could put them securely in a cot or something for ten mins so they’re safe. Just thinking aloud here. And I agree with the poster who can’t think of the disability. If you don’t want to say it, that’s obviously absolutely fine and your choice, but just say that, rather than pretend it’s a stupid question.

I’m here again with solutions you don’t want, but can’t you just say no to your 6 year old. ‘No, I’m not playing with you now, I’d like to watch a movie. You have plenty of toys to play with.’

I think two different conversations have been aligned. I said that my DH can’t even look after the children for ten minutes. I’m not the OP and I don’t have one six year old. I have a (just) three year old and a five year old and I can’t guarantee that the younger one in particular won’t need the potty or similar. So no.

Can't you watch something on whatever device you're using to post on MN? And tell DD to go and play?

Your employment status sounds like dodgy disguised employment illegally doing you out of your employment rights. I'm surprised that a local authority gets involved with that.

They can't have it both ways. If you don't get sick pay, even statutory, it sounds they're treating you as self employed, which means you should get paid for all bookings unless they cancel before the cut off that you specify eg 47 hours, a week, whatever.

You replied to me saying your DH works full time and can't look after your child(ren) for 10 minutes, I said I didn't understand, and you got all shirty.

I still don't understand, after your explanation, how he can work full time (albeit a sedentary job) and not look after your children for 10 minutes, but it's your life, not mine.