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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want one child-free day where I can do something for me?

401 replies

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 09:19

I tutor term-time only but have a 6 yo of my own. No pay in school holidays so very limited re holidays and days out.
AIBU to want just one child-free day? Or even afternoon? Or am I being selfish in wanting that little break?

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 14/08/2026 20:52

essexmam89 · 14/08/2026 20:35

Then in not being funny why did he choose to have a child in his 40 s ? Many people either severe illnesses manage to look after there child daily people are giving you options but your not willing to accept them

At least RTFT before making snide remarks about what is obviously a serious health condition.

isthisaplum · 14/08/2026 20:55

FWIW @FunPartyIdeas my DD starts school in September 2027. One day, when she’s comfortably settled, just one, I will be totally selfish and book them into breakfast club (8am start) and after school club (430 finish) and I shall try not to feel guilty when I go to another city and shop and explore and get lunch. I’m going to try to just really enjoy it.

Flowers
arethereanyleftatall · 14/08/2026 20:56

Ok op. So in your situation by what you’ve told us - you need a break desperately, you can’t afford £5 a month for Netflix, your husband is able to look after his daughter for a few hours - so this all would be solved by getting a night job, any one, once a week. You start when your dh gets home from work. You get a break from the monotony. You can earn a fiver to get Netflix.

essexmam89 · 14/08/2026 20:57

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isthisaplum · 14/08/2026 20:57

BudgetBuster · 14/08/2026 20:50

But tbf the explanations don't make sense for the most part. I'm not the only person who has suggested "excuses" but I'll take one for the team. We have used the words excuses because the explanations don't make sense to the majority of posters here and there are lots of ways to overcome to get one full day.

I'm not petulant 😂 Are you referring to yourself?

They don’t have to make sense; you just either accept them or you don’t.

No poster is obliged to act on advice or suggestions, even if directly asked for. I do think other posters should bear that in mind before answering, if it’s likely to annoy you that someone doesn’t act on your suggestions.

Basketballhoop405392 · 14/08/2026 20:58

Have you double checked your not entitled to the HAF schemes near you. If your not earning much maybe you should be entitled to more?

BudgetBuster · 14/08/2026 21:01

isthisaplum · 14/08/2026 20:57

They don’t have to make sense; you just either accept them or you don’t.

No poster is obliged to act on advice or suggestions, even if directly asked for. I do think other posters should bear that in mind before answering, if it’s likely to annoy you that someone doesn’t act on your suggestions.

I'm perfectly aware... This is a discussion board though (last I checked)?

isthisaplum · 14/08/2026 21:03

This could get circular very quickly. Essentially, you’ve made suggestions and the OP doesn’t feel they will work for her. I don’t feel that then justifies accusing her of making excuses and the repeated laughing emojis when no one is saying anything funny, discussion board or no. That isn’t discussing, that’s mocking and haranguing.

essexmam89 · 14/08/2026 21:04

BudgetBuster · 14/08/2026 20:52

At least RTFT before making snide remarks about what is obviously a serious health condition.

My dad was in a wheelchair in severe agony most of my life so no I don’t need to read the room , guess what he could still parent

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 21:12

@Basketballhoop405392 We don't qualify for any benefits so unfortunately not. But thank you.

OP posts:
WhatADilemma10 · 14/08/2026 21:12

Are you claiming UC, OP? Has your husband claimed PIP? Unfortunately lots of people are in similar situations and there is only one way around it - a different job with a higher income. I know you have said never again for teaching but are you actually in a position to say that? I don't like teaching anymore either, I do it for the sake of my family.

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 21:14

@isthisaplum Thank you for your understanding. I am choosing to selectively ignore the goads.
I appreciate it - thank you x

OP posts:
Wouldyoufarkinbelieveit · 14/08/2026 21:15

WallyHilloughby · 14/08/2026 12:28

Why do people assume everyone is an office worker with unlimited leave to take? Many people are self employed or have other jobs where they can’t just take leave when they want

My husband and I are both self employed with one 5 year old and no family support. So very similar to the OP. We still manage time to ourselves. Tomorrow I have our son all day and Sunday he has him all day. On Sunday I’ll be on my own from 10-6. We also do what we want in the evenings. Tonight he’s off out with friends, a couple of evenings next week I’m out either meeting a friend or going for a swim.

It’s a piece of piss getting time to yourself with one child.

This thread boggles my mind. You literally don’t have a problem OP, you’re making a problem out of nothing.

isthisaplum · 14/08/2026 21:16

It’s possible with two parents able to parent. If one is unable to for whatever reason, then it’s a lot more complicated. It’s also kind of harder (IMO anyway.) I am finding it harder having DH here unable to help than DH not here at all.

The thing about one child being easy is that it only becomes true when you have two or more!

pastabest · 14/08/2026 21:17

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 19:50

@pastabest Desperately searching for supply last minute so I don't lose too much money? Sessions can only be a max of 2.5 hrs so you tell me how extra hours are possible. I'd love to know 😀

No I was suggesting that if sessions are 'frequently cancelled' and is a reason you don't have much money that the upside of that is frequent opportunities for time to yourself for a bit whilst your child is at school.

5hrs a day max, five days a week term time only, with frequently cancelled sessions and a child in full time education is why you don't have any money to spend when you do have time off though, which is actually what the issue is.

I work full time (37 hrs pw) in a public sector job with a self employed partner who works 50 hour weeks 358 days a year (I make him have a week off for a family holiday in summer but he works evenings, weekends, bank holidays and Christmas Day). I've got two children a similar age to yours and very little unpaid childcare - the odd day from MIL in her 70s in school holidays. The rest is holiday clubs, breakfast club and after school club.

I still feel like I get loads of time to myself - I have an evening hobby outside the house 1 - 2 times a week with friends (something like a book club but more niche)- DP puts the children to bed those nights. A few times a week in spring and summer I get up early and go for a walk or a swim, or sometimes in the evening if everyone is settled and im not needed.

On Saturday mornings they have an hour of council run gymnastics (£4.50 a session) and I use the council gym/ swim at the same time. I'm currently mumsnetting drinking a glass of wine while they are tucked up in bed but if I wanted to be I could be out having a glass of wine with a friend instead whilst DP sits watching TV being a responsible adult in charge of a 6yo.

Just be realistic that it's money rather than time that's causing the issue. And you don't have money because you work very part time at the moment. You love your job and that's the choice you have made, but it does mean you can't afford the stuff you want.

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 21:17

@WhatADilemma10 I couldn't teach again - it made me so poorly and increased my already existing anxiety (back story re my divorce has briefly been touched upon where it started) that I just couldn't mentally go there now.
I am in such a wonderful place with my job now, despite the pay being a challenge. It brings me joy.

OP posts:
FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 21:20

@pastabest What I meant is that when sessions are cancelled I don't have time to myself - that time is spent updating logs and individuals re non attendance (this naturally and rightly has to be very tight with children not currently in education) and desperately contacting agencies to find supply to cover the loss of earnings.

OP posts:
tomatoplants · 14/08/2026 21:26

How much AL does he get?

your time off in the holidays is not time off OP. You’re looking after a child.

you should each get equal free time to do as you please

can you mum help? Not that she should have to as partner should be.

can you go out in the evenings?

take turns on a weekend to have 3-4 hours off and do what you want (sport/hobby, chill, see friends)

tomatoplants · 14/08/2026 21:29

Apologies I was behind and didn’t realise there was so many pages!! Just seen the back condition which changes things

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 21:34

@tomatoplants I think that's the thing perhaps? My family see the school holidays as my time off. Which I suppose it is? I obviously can't take any other holiday when my daughter is in school though.

OP posts:
tomatoplants · 14/08/2026 21:43

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 21:34

@tomatoplants I think that's the thing perhaps? My family see the school holidays as my time off. Which I suppose it is? I obviously can't take any other holiday when my daughter is in school though.

Edited

Yeah I get that. Can you explain to them that it’s not time for YOU. That effectively you’re still in charge of a a kid and you never get a break from kids?!

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 22:34

@tomatoplants That's exactly how I feel but I'm probably out of order. Genuinely can't remember the last time I was anywhere fully child-free!
Peri on top and it's even more exhausting I think (but again, could just be me). Insomnia is not my friend!

OP posts:
tomatoplants · 14/08/2026 22:43

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 22:34

@tomatoplants That's exactly how I feel but I'm probably out of order. Genuinely can't remember the last time I was anywhere fully child-free!
Peri on top and it's even more exhausting I think (but again, could just be me). Insomnia is not my friend!

You’re not out of order at all. It’s important to get time for you when you’re not responsible for another person. It’s just hard to find the time when everything is against you. I’m lucky that I can take AL throughout the year but most is used as “childcare” to cover school holidays. We use a mix of AL and clubs. So realistically only get 1-2 days a year to myself! But they’re amazing days!! And definitely needed. But throughout the normal days and weeks when I’m shattered from work or having the kids, my partner will take them for a bit so I can have an hour or so. Same for going out with friends. We have family who will also have kids if neeed so we can go out together. Or just because.

it sounds like your family don’t understand how you feel or are resentful of your time off??

are there any mum friends who could do some play date swaps??

Jaimelefromage · 14/08/2026 22:53

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 22:34

@tomatoplants That's exactly how I feel but I'm probably out of order. Genuinely can't remember the last time I was anywhere fully child-free!
Peri on top and it's even more exhausting I think (but again, could just be me). Insomnia is not my friend!

It is fairly normal with young kids to feel like that. DH and I work full time and all of our annual leave is used to cover school holidays. We take 2 weeks together, then I have 3 weeks on my own with the children and DH has 3 weeks on his own with the children. Our youngest is disabled and there is no available external childcare for him so we have to cover it all ourselves.
The only way to get time for ourselves is to split weekends, so for example I go to Pilates on a Saturday morning then have a coffee in a cafe on my way home. DH takes a Sunday morning to do what he wants to do. We also have the odd evening out with friends.
We never manage to go out together as there is no one to have our youngest, but maybe one day!

OnlyUsername · 14/08/2026 23:43

FunPartyIdeas · 14/08/2026 22:34

@tomatoplants That's exactly how I feel but I'm probably out of order. Genuinely can't remember the last time I was anywhere fully child-free!
Peri on top and it's even more exhausting I think (but again, could just be me). Insomnia is not my friend!

You know you aren't out of order but you're going to have to make it happen yourself. If your husband isn't already volunteering a full day, he won't off his own back.