Asked DP to leave over A-Levels comment to my DS

[JaneeeAmb]

It has been an incredibly stressful and upsetting day. DS18 unfortunately didn’t recieve the results he needed. Lots of tears from both of us. My DP of 2 years arrived home after work (he stays here every Thursday) and knew about the results. He didn’t offer DS any consolation. At dinner he asked him if his mates would be going out tonight, he said yes but that he didn’t feel up for joining them. DP then said ‘best thing for you tonight would be a few beers and finding yourself a local tart’.

I went mental at him, completely inappropriate. He doubled down so I asked him to leave, which he did. DS says he thinks I over reacted and says he wasn’t offended at all and he thinks he was just trying to lighten the mood.

I am now sat here wondering if I over reacted?

A nice local tart? Rancid.

Finding yourself a local tart? I'd kick out anyone who used those words to my son.

You overreacted sorry

I came prepared to be angry on ds behalf!

His comment was dickish ofc, and sexist, but he was supportive in the way that male figures usually are on results day

Maybe you have other issues with him?

The comment was wrong but not in the way I expected, which was being horrible to your son. As shit step dad moments go, this wasn't one. But yes, misogynistic.

He sounds kind of basic. I would have asked him leave over the misogyny. Alcohol wont help and its a dreadful thing to suggest to a young man as a coping mechanism.

No other issues. My reaction was how I felt in the moment, probably in part due to the stress of the day.

Dreadful thing to say. You did the right thing.

it was a joke

Very icky of him but I dont think i would've kicked him out op x

The more hours that past I am beginning to doubt myself, especially after what DS said.

Yeah not an ideal comment but good to hear your DS took it in his stride.

Let it go. Start again tomorrow.

Wishing your DS all the best with what ever comes along next for him.

X

your son is right, your Dp was trying to lighten the mood, but his choice of words and activity are pretty good indicators of your DPs misogynistic attitude and his approach to disappointment/stress. i’d find that unappealing and clearly you did too.

What do you object to - the advice he gave or the words he used?

Any man who described a young woman as a 'local tart ' would be unacceptable to me

You are taking everything too seriously. There is more to life than exams.

We all overreact sometimes, and you have had a genuinely tough day, try not to beat yourself up - plus tbh, yanbu to get the ick, what kind of grown man speaks like that?!

Best of luck to you and ds - theres loads of other ways forwards x

It’s not a joke. It’s tasteless and in poor taste. Is it what he does to get over disappointment? Is the op his local tart? I’d be having a very serious word about his values but I don’t think this type of man would interest me in the first place. Yuk.

Its repulsive - cant believe people are defending him, ooh that poor widdle man was just trying to do a funny, its actually sooo hard to say 'best thing for you tonight would be a few beers and a massive takeaway, noone can be sad when they've got a keema naan in hand' as a joke, when saying sexist shit comes so naturally and easy to him.
Ffs.

thank God you’re not married to this prick

The beers … def ok …. The tart … def not ok!

If he'd said...go out have a few beers, drown your sorrows, say well done to your mates, tomorrow you and your mum can make some plans...that would be the right thing.

Sadly a lot of us men lack the ability to say the right thing...we are taught not to show weakness, don't show your feelings, don't speak about how you're doing...which is why suicide is the biggest killer of men under 40..

Yes he said it the wrong way, he was trying to get your lad to go out, see people, accept that nothing can be done tonight...blokes joke crudely with each other a lot...

Advising him to go out with friends- fine. The local tart comment is deeply misogynistic and I wouldn’t want my dc hearing/ condoning conversation like that.
Knowing he held women in such a poor light would definitely put me off him.

I don’t think it’s the exams that have bothered the OP.

Yum what a revolting comment. I wouldn’t be having him back

Yeah, I think I'd have kicked him out too for the local tart comment.

I'd also he explaining to your son (at an appropriate time) why that was such a dick thing to say

Yeah you totally over reacted. I would have called him out for using term tart but he was trying to lighten the mood.

Not sure why your crying. Parents need to put on brave face and help dc make a plan to move forward