To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

[PapaSteel]

I've been with my partner for 8 years and we have dc together, he has a son from his previous relationship. He's 15 and not his bio son but he's been in his life since he was young and he sees him as his dad

Alot happened when we got together as his ex would tell SS that DP didn't want to see him anymore now he was dating me which wasn't true at all. She was physically & verbally abusive towards him and he's been living with us since he was 13 (after he told school about howHe has a lot of trauma and anger which school are supportive about and outside of school he gets help on how to manage the anger and he is a lot better than he was but the anger is still there so we are just patient with him

We're currently on holiday with my sister and her 2 dc and have been here since Monday. There was issues almost straight away as ss got angry at the claw machine but he and dp left the arcade and went for a walk to calm down as the arcade was busy so there was no way he'd have been able to calm down whilst in the arcade. My sister described him as a tantrumming toddler who didn't get his own way and said partner wasn't doing him any favours. I ignored her

He loves drawing and usually if you ask he will show what he's drawing but earlier he was at the table drawing and my niece (10) kept asking what he was drawing. He told her but she kept saying “show me show me” despite him saying no, she pulled his sketch book away from him which caused him to shout at her and she “accidentally” spilt her water on it. He was clearly very angry/upset and walked off to go to his room and she followed him and called him a baby, asked if he was going to cry etc, and he turned round and hit her and now he's being made out to be the bad guy

During this my sister was out with her other dc, my dp was in the shower and I was telling her multiple times to leave him alone and do something else even when she was repeatedly telling him to show her his drawing and she ignored me

My sister is now back and furious, she said she doesn't want her children to share a space with a “violent man”, and has even mentioned going to the police and social services on us if we're happy to have him around our children as he's not related to us when asked where he should go she just replied care

AIBU to think she's overreacting? I know SS shouldn't have hit her and he knows this too but she hasn't apologised for her part in deliberatly winding him up and sister says she doesn't need to as she's a child and he's nearly an adult

Same and same again with which I would prefer but we’re adults aren’t we? Were talking about a 10YO girl. It’s not the same. You’re deliberately trying to move this into an argument between you and I and I’m honestly not interested in it thanks. I gave my opinion and you gave yours but to even comment that you would rather have….. blah blah blah is bullshit. This is a 10YO girl and hitting someone is a criminal offence.

If we're thinking about this in a domestic violence context if I knew a woman who liked to provoke and goad her husband into hitting her because she enjoyed the drama or the attention it got her then I would be very condemning of the husband for the violence. I'd only feel sorry for her in that I'd feel sorry for her that she was so messed up that she was seeking drama and attention that way. I'd be keeping her at arms length because I'd worry what she'd try on me.

As PP have said, the 15 year old is getting help and being taught strategies for this behaviour. The 10 year old here isn't.

Good on your and your partner for taking in and loving and supporting a boy with a troubled past. I think that's amazing. You're both clearly very good people. Obviously he shouldn't have hit her and he knows this. That's the trouble with difficultycontrolling anger and it's great he is getting more support with that. The child sounds extremely badly behaved and goading him. I wouldn't pay your sister any attention and just keep them separate for a while/indefinitely if that's what she wants

You appear to think that sometimes it is OK for men to hit women. And that when they do so she was 'asking for it'.

I struggle to understand such ingrained misogyny.

Have you got an aggressive DS?

There is no justification for violence, and the she made me do it is the abusers handbook.

what If he hits his girlfriend when he gets one, if she winds him up. What about you op, what about if he feels you’re being annoying and he smacks you one. Is that ok,

your sister is right. Yes her child was silly and on the wind up. But it doesn’t justify violence.

Nope, most kids wouldn’t lash out at being wound up.

my nephew is 15, sometimes my girls are annoying to him, sometimes he gets pissed off with them.

he’s never once hit them.

Mind blowing isn't it. Explains a lot though.

But your response was to a discussion about a husband and wife acting that way. We are in agreement that physical violence is wrong. It is the emotional abuse we cannot agree on.

Reading this thread makes it clear why VAWG is such a huge and ever increasing problem the world over. Stop excusing male violence. You are part of the problem OP.

Yep. It's like a wife beater saying to his wife, look what you made me do.

She sounds like a brat, but she was not equally in the wrong. Plenty of ten year olds are annoying but I don't go round hitting them.

All of the name calling on this thread towards the girl too! Bitch, brat, cow and so on.

not once has the boy been called a violent little prick, or a horrible little wanker.

strange that.

Are you 15 too?

I mean, it’s a bit of a stretch to liken the way this 10 year old supposedly wound up someone older to domestic violence and reactive abuse. She’s literally 10. There’s a significant power imbalance to start with and the goading / snatching that the 10 year old supposedly did was so bad that the OP, having witnessed the whole thing. ….. carried on feeding the baby.

If a woman is violent to a man then of course she should face the same criminal liability that he faces.

She is much less likely to murder him though, 1-2 women in the UK are murdered by their spouse/ ex spouse each week. This often escalates from previous violent acts.

Isn’t it? Haha, boils my piss tbh. Boys will be boys though eh? And he doesn’t have his Mum so…

Couldn’t agree more.

So committed to cleaning up someone else’s mess that they’re willing to put their own children at risk of violence. Truly amazing(!)

I called him a little shit.

It's appalling misogyny and these posters just don't see it.

Yes, if it were true it would be most unfair. It isn't though. Maybe you should both read the thread more carefully.

You're not the only one. Doesn't fit the narrative though.

YOU ARE 100% LYING. There would need to be a serious glitch in the matrix for a 15 year old boy not to be considerably taller and stronger than a 10 year old girl. Even if (coincidently for you) one is just 15 and one is almost 11.

Is she training for Tough Mudder? World’s strongest child? Is he kept in a cupboard and fed only water and gruel?

Pull the other one.