I'm refusing to help my sister pay for her children's school uniform

[mumlifeischaos1990]

My sister has 3 children and this year all of her kids are going to school, her youngest is starting nursery because my sister needs to go back to work. My sister and her husband struggle a little bit financially, hence why my sister needs to go back to work. Obviously it's that time of year where everybody is buying school uniform. Which can be extremely expensive. So my sister asked me if I could help her with the cost of the uniform.

Now her reason for asking me was that me and my DH can afford to send our children to private school. So my financial situation is different than my sisters financial situation. And of course I would love to help my sister...however I just spent almost £2,000 on my kids school uniform this year, which was more than I was expecting however they've both recently gone through a growth spurt and their school is very strict about uniform. And I can't really justify spending more money on school uniforms this month, cause I do still have a budget each month. So I politely told my sister that sorry I won't be able to help her, however I could help her look for shops that have shirts, skirts, tight, etc for a much cheaper price.

Of course my sister didn't overreact when I told her, but she definitely seems a bit annoyed at me.

🤔

Why? That is absolutely none of your business!

Just like most of us then. In the real world, some of us have to budget every month!
I think you could and should help her. I simply don’t believe you haven’t the funds to do so. One day you may be short of funds. It’s not a nice position to be in.

Could you not give her £50 to just help her dress 1 child ?

Or is it that you dont want to financially support her ? Which you'd probably have reasons for.

If you can’t afford to then YANBU If it’s not going to make a difference to your life then I’d help her if I could.

I'd offer to buy the shoes.

I couldn't see my nibblings looking scruffy whike my kids look tidy.

My daughter doesn’t go to a private school but she has an extensive uniform of blazers and kilts etc. Luckily the school run a really good system of second hand uniform so I buy pretty much all of it second hand ( I have had to buy some new shirts ). I seriously doubt in either case you haven’t been able to buy any of either schools uniform second hand. I’m really struggling to believe you drop £2k on brand new uniform and you can’t afford to eat!!!! Unless your sister also sends her children to a particularly specific school we’re probably talking supermarket skirts / trousers and tights etc. But hey… if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

Would it cause you a huge problem to give your sister a couple of hundred quid?
If not then do it, unless there is some back story about her spending hundreds on Botox and Booze

Yes. I'd chip in 50 quid for her sister's kids.

If you can afford to pay 2k on uniform and school fees for your kids you are not broke.

It's your choice entirely whether you try to show kindness or not. It's not the refusing to help that gets me so much as your unpleasant and frankly, rather smug tone.

God why be so mean?

Uniform for private school is expensive cos usually have to have a particular patterned skirt or a school branded jumper and blazer. At my school they even dictated what coat we could wear. Regular school doesn't have too, most supermarkets do reasonably cheap uniform items. Even charity shops i have noticed have a selection of uniforms. Does she have friends with slightly older kids at the same school who might have uniform that their kids gave grown out of? That was a big thing at my school, there was a group of Mums who would trade uniform. I had bits of uniform from a friend of my Mum's whose daughter was a couple of years older than me and mine got passed to my Godmums daughter who started the year I left.

"Giving someone your last tenner" means that you are literally giving them all the money that you have even if it leaves you stretched. It represents a complete act of selflessness.

It doesn't mean that you make sure you have all your bills covered and enough money to keep you fed and watered until the next pay day, and then giving them whatever is left.

OP if you hadn’t mentioned private school the responses would have been different but unfortunately on MN private school triggers lots of people for reasons I don’t understand.

Look you are no obligation to give your sister any money of course but don't use the excuse you "need to budget" and can't afford it. Just own it and say you dont want to,

OP is NBU

If she agrees to this, it’ll be the same every August plus every school trip.

It sounds like she should have invested in a crystal ball, eh hun?

I think I would find £100 to try and help her out a little bit

I would do it for my brothers kids
And if OP is struggling for money after buying schol uniform then Private School might not be a good idea (saying that as a former private School parent)

If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it.

You’ll just have to explain that you over spent and now left yourself short.

You don’t sound like you can afford to send your DCs to private school tbh.

You don’t even have any savings that you could have bought the uniform and not have to budget as much of food etc.

That's bollocks.It's the I'm alright Jack attitude of the OP that's the problem.

Bit sad really isn’t it. You know they’re struggling financially, you clearly have the means and you still said no. I hope you never fall on hard times.

@mumlifeischaos1990 I haven’t read the full thread but as a one off if my sister needed help and if I could afford it then I would help.

However, if she has no intention of paying you back then it sounds like she will expect you to help out every year which isn’t on.

She’s not asking for £50 though, she’s expecting “the majority.” For three kids, including shoes, that could easily be £500.