I'm refusing to help my sister pay for her children's school uniform

[mumlifeischaos1990]

My sister has 3 children and this year all of her kids are going to school, her youngest is starting nursery because my sister needs to go back to work. My sister and her husband struggle a little bit financially, hence why my sister needs to go back to work. Obviously it's that time of year where everybody is buying school uniform. Which can be extremely expensive. So my sister asked me if I could help her with the cost of the uniform.

Now her reason for asking me was that me and my DH can afford to send our children to private school. So my financial situation is different than my sisters financial situation. And of course I would love to help my sister...however I just spent almost £2,000 on my kids school uniform this year, which was more than I was expecting however they've both recently gone through a growth spurt and their school is very strict about uniform. And I can't really justify spending more money on school uniforms this month, cause I do still have a budget each month. So I politely told my sister that sorry I won't be able to help her, however I could help her look for shops that have shirts, skirts, tight, etc for a much cheaper price.

Of course my sister didn't overreact when I told her, but she definitely seems a bit annoyed at me.

I would help my sister in a heart beat. Would spend my last tenner on her and my nephew if they needed it .

Really? And then what are YOU going to live on? What will YOUR children eat?

i would help my sister or even a close friend in these circumstances

I find some rich people to be so stingy and cruel and Mumsnet just cements that for me. I will never be able to afford private school (unless I won the lottery) and I wouldn't think FOR A SECOND about buying ANYTHING my niece's or nephew needed. Like I literally would be sending the money straight over because I love them like my own. But I guess people have different relationships.

How much did she ask for?

You don't have to help but if a fraction of your spending would help her, it would be nice to do it.

Plus the 25k(?)+ school fees. And that dastardly Labour tax.

I'm puzzled that someone who privately educates their children has absolutely nothing in savings from which she could even lend her sister £100 towards uniform. Seems a very precarious way of life to me.

I’m not saying OP’s kids should go without to benefit their cousins. I’m saying that either OP can comfortably afford £2000 for uniform and if she can then what’s another £50 to help her sister. Or OP can’t afford it, is cash strapped and then it that case was probably a bit daft to buy her kids stuff all new when the school will do second hand sales. In short I don’t buy that OP with 2 kids in private school can afford £2000 but £2050 would be a problem and leave her short for the end of month. (Those scrimping and saving to pay the fees typically aren’t buying all new uniform.)

I just bought both my dcs’ uniform and the cost close to £1200. No matter how bad I feel - I couldn’t afford to help this month. Uniform is on sale all year round and it’s not that hard to predict what sizes you will need, especially when they’re small, your sister should have been picking bits up over the last few months. At the end of the day she knew her finances and chose to have 3dc. Does she have any club card vouchers she could use for Tesco uniform? And Aldi had a decent selection of school uniform over the last few weeks.

everyone saying she should help her sister - maybe she’s planned her budget to afford things she needs so why shouldn’t the sister have done the same?

How expensive is this school uniform? Even buying the first time for secondary school with twins, it didn’t add up to anything near £2k.

She didn't ask for a specific amount of money but she wants me to basically help pay for a majority of the uniform. She has one child in secondary school, and the younger 2 kids are in primary school. They all need new shoes aswell

Sister (who chose to have three kids and not work) doesn’t want a loan. She wants a handout, and not for the first time.

Honestly - as someone who sends her children to obviously a pretty exclusive private school I find it very hard to believe that you are now struggling to budget for food and bills for the rest of the month. If you re that tight for money now perhaps you should of gone to your school for financial support with the uniform or bought 2nd hand??

I honestly cant imagine a time when I wouldn't of helped my sister out financially - if she needed it. You say she has asked for money before - but even if she has , if it's just an occasional thing like uniform time I'd still gladly help her out financially in your position. (even if it meant me cutting back on my own food shop!)

If she is a CF ad asking for money every 5 minutes for trivial things that might be different - but your posts dont make it sound like that is the situation.

Not as precarious as having 3 children without considering how you’ll buy school uniforms for them

I think yabu because I’m wondering just how skint I’d need to be before I asked anyone to borrow money to clothe my kids and I’d need to not have a spare penny anywhere and have sold everything I own.

I’m not of the opinion that because you have money that you have to give it all away to everyone you asks for it but your own sister? For uniform for your niece/nephew? I’d have transferred it as soon as I’d seen the message or received a phone call.

Why would me helping my sister out and giving her my last tenner if she needed it mean I wouldn't have anything to live on or nothing for my children to eat 🙄.

I've been the sister in this situation. I never asked for help with uniforms, but I can't tell you what a difference it woukd have made.
People make different choices in life, sometimes a little leg up is really all that's required to help change everything. That £100 on uniform may end up on a credit card and it's soon cost double.
Personally, if I were you, I would have given the money, or ordered the uniform. Or sent food vouchers for her weekly shop. It's buttons to you, but a whole world of difference to her.

Yes. £50 or even £100 could make a massive difference to you sister.
The summer school holidays can be expensive too if you are trying to keep 3 DC occupied all day.
She can probably get some bits cheaply but its the shoes for three that must be expensive. And it probably took a lot for her to ask you.
Do it for your nephews and nieces, if not for her.

I would help unless she's one of those people who waste money on junk and doesn't prioritise the important stuff.

You can afford uniform and private fees, I have a feeling a hundred here or there doesn't hurt too much. Least she's going back to work, it may be the last time she asks for help..

I think if you could afford it then you are being bloody mean not to give her a helping hand.

Of course I'd help my sister out especially if I was Miss Moneybags like you.

Ok but £2000? 😱

Good god, private school and £2k in uniform nc you can’t help your sister? Lots of school stuff can be bought from George at Asda for normal schools, or second hand from school shops

just help her out

My DNephew gets his uniform from Tu Sainsbury’s, surely you could do the same?

How fortunate your own children are.

all schools will have second hand uniform and if your sister cannot afford uniform I suggest she contacts each school and asks if they can provide any second hand uniform. My children’s second hand sale sells school cardi/sweatshire for £2-3, everything else is £1. Or she can ask especially on primary school WhatsApp groups if anyone has anything spare. I always give away any uniform that my child has outgrown - and don’t question if it is someone who is a Vet or a stay at home mum who asks as it is not for me to judge someone’s situation,

25% off uniform at Tesco at the moment - you could help out if you wanted to op, what’s the right thing to do for the kids