I'm refusing to help my sister pay for her children's school uniform

[mumlifeischaos1990]

My sister has 3 children and this year all of her kids are going to school, her youngest is starting nursery because my sister needs to go back to work. My sister and her husband struggle a little bit financially, hence why my sister needs to go back to work. Obviously it's that time of year where everybody is buying school uniform. Which can be extremely expensive. So my sister asked me if I could help her with the cost of the uniform.

Now her reason for asking me was that me and my DH can afford to send our children to private school. So my financial situation is different than my sisters financial situation. And of course I would love to help my sister...however I just spent almost £2,000 on my kids school uniform this year, which was more than I was expecting however they've both recently gone through a growth spurt and their school is very strict about uniform. And I can't really justify spending more money on school uniforms this month, cause I do still have a budget each month. So I politely told my sister that sorry I won't be able to help her, however I could help her look for shops that have shirts, skirts, tight, etc for a much cheaper price.

Of course my sister didn't overreact when I told her, but she definitely seems a bit annoyed at me.

Agree with this, ask the school office.

I would happily help my sister out with school uniform - it’s not optional and OP said her sister is going back to work because things are tight. I couldn’t see my kids go off in £2k worth of kit and not help my sister out with basic uniform essentials.

Schools are now required to have second hand uniform available for parents to buy. The school I work out will usually give a second hand blazer for free (new cost = £32, which is relatively cheap) and the rest can be bought at a supermarket or Primark, to keep the cost down.

Why should she?
I don’t have any savings or a credit card.

You have no idea what the OP’s financial situation is. If she can afford to send her children to a private school and wants to, that’s up to her.

This is like people complaining about childcare during the holidays. It’s hardly a surprising event.

It isn't your responsibility to give your sister the money. Does she make a habit of asking for money and not paying it back. If not I'd give her £50.
Equally she's known for a long time this was happening and could have saved over the last year.

What sort of monthly budget do you have OP that you don’t have any flexibility for £100-£200 as a one off?
I think it is a bit mean not to help your sister in these specific circumstances.

And maybe she can’t afford to, having just spent 2k on her own children’s uniforms.

Of course for our sisters, nieces and nephews, if asked.

OP isn’t asking MN to start crowdfunding for the uniforms.

Just because someones children are at private school doesn't mean they are loaded. In fact its more likely to be the opposite unless you are a Lord or the CEO of a thriving company. Some people scrimp and go without luxuries to give their children a decent education.
She could ask if the school has a uniform exchange, or look at supermarket deals which are often quite generous. Some retailers also donate excess stock to charity shops who offer the clothing for free (Sally Army near me does this)

My DC are at private school with mega expensive uniform, so I get the pain. But honestly I couldn't live with myself if I didn't help my sister out with some basic supermarket uniform at a minimum if I knew she was struggling.

I doubt you're having to choose between buying her kids a bit of uniform and feeding your kids. The minor pain you feel at the cost will likely be nothing like the sheer relief for her of having it sorted.

If you can, be kind here.

Plenty of posters getting the violins out for her sister's choice to have three children though, calling the OP mean, tight fisted etc.

How much has she asked for?

Does she have a child starting secondary school because that was a very pricey year for me.

Are the children different sexes meaning some items can’t be passed down? Eg skirts

Are you judging because your sister is one of those people who thinks that you have to have new uniform each school year?

Have you got anything that can be passed down? Eg winter coats

If you can budget £2000 for school uniform, you are rich and could help your sister.

Is it relevant that your DC have just cost you a lot in uniforms and that is what your sister asked for help with? Or could you just let your less affluent sister have some money, say £50, because she's strugging?

My nieces and nephews are almost my children, so this wouldn't even be a post round here ☹️.

I'm not going to share my monthly budget but I was only supposed to spend £1500 on school uniform for my kids, however the costs ended up being closer to £2000. I am now having to budget for the rest of the month to afford food, petrol, etc

No, we’ll just get the violins out for her sister who couldn’t get herself organised in time.

The OP listed what she’d bought as people were questioning her about it.

Did your sister consider the financial implications of having 3 children she couldn’t afford at any point or did she just go ahead and have them anyway? No, I wouldn’t be helping her.

This!
I don’t understand why people are giving you such a hard time when you have your own bills to pay 🤦‍♀️

Yes you should help her if you can but if you've said no then it's too late now.

How about a compromise - why don't you take the kids to the shoe shop and buy them new shoes.

To be honest I would help my sibling. Even if they were just a bum who’s bad with money, remember being the kid in school whose uniform was too small and it was shit. I would do it for the kids, even if I didn't like my siblings.

Wow and I thought my kids school uniform was expensive (£95 for the blazer alone and that was four years ago). After the first lot when they were new to the school I bought second hand other than socks and some shirts.
If my sister was struggling that much I’d help her for sure. Seems rather outrageous you haven’t.

If it was me OP I'd say look dsis, school uniforms are a massive scam, I hate forking out 2k for my own dc uniform and I don't want to fork out for state-school uniform scammers either. Would you prefer £300 to help with the cost of tutoring/kids' other expenses/insane cost of living and I'll come down to the free uniform shop with you.

Then if she insists on spending it on brand new uniform cos it makes her feel better, that's up to her.

A bit of solidarity, no? They're your nieces and nephews.

I have children at independent schools... What kind of uniform is costing £2k or do you have a ton of dc?

I don’t believe you haven’t got a spare 100 quid or something to help her out. Or think of it as helping the children.