Boomer parents who don't help their children

[hoarderofthedough]

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

BUT.....my DH's mother, on the other hand is the opposite, and it's giving me the rage. I wondered whether anyone else had experienced similar?

She is super rich, and by that I mean a multi millionaire. She lives in a 6 bed mansion, has around 8 properties that she rents out, providing an income of circa £10k a month, and she lavishes it ALL on herself and her boyfriend.

Her daughter (my SIL) lives in a tiny house in an awful (dangerous) part of town, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Scrimping and saving, not able to put the heating on in winter, no treats ever - and all the while MIL is jet setting to exotic holidays, always in business class....with not one thought for her DD and grandkids welfare.

On the rare occasions we meet up for a meal, MIL will let DH and SIL pay. Or at best the bill will be split - but never are we treated with her paying. However, she is very happy to treat her boyfriend to lots of things.

She's almost 80 now, and still has no thoughts of gifting money to avoid inheritance tax.

Anyone else experience this? I find it truly baffling, because if I was in her position I would be filtering down money to my adult kids regularly.

Maybe she is not bothered about inheritance tax, she will be dead

I’d never be a multi millionaire as I enjoy treating my kids and family too much. I never understand people who cling on to their money to the end. Yes of course you may need care home fees etc and obviously you must keep enough to make sure you’re always going to be ok but to sit on that much money and not share it with your children is madness! Assuming her children are good decent people obviously!

MN is really odd.
I am not a Boomer- Gen X- but I let my adult kids live with me without paying any rent or bills. ( one moving out shortly). I will never charge rent. If we go out for dinner I always pay. ( I am by no means a millionaire and have no inherited wealth at all).
For this, I have been criticised by some as too soft on them.
Meanwhile others say parents must always help kids if they can
Whatever parents do is always wrong, but the kids " didn't ask to be born".

SIL has never had any help, certainly not like MIL had. SIL is in minimum wage role, and can only work part time due to having young children.

I find it bizarre that MIL watches SIL struggle whilst having so much money herself. Believe me, no expense spared on lavish holidays, cars, meals out etc for her and her boyfriend. Everything done to the most expensive level, for eg. top cabin on cruise ships, business seats on planes. Meanwhile SIL can't even afford to put the heating on in winter.

Before anyone asks, there have been no falling outs, and MIL is very much aware of SIL's predicament. She just does not care. In fact, there have been a few occasions where SIL or DH has had a mishap, imagine car needing alot of work costing ££££, and MIL just has a tinkly laugh.

Nonsense!

I’m a boomer (65) and my adult children are in their twenties. Both have extremely large student loans and I assure you that they are affected by the cost of living crisis as much as anyone else. Why wouldn’t they be?!

Those who have said it is her money and she can do what she likes with it are right in theory, but I cannot imagine anyone I know acting in that selfish way. Everyone I know with similar aged children is helping them as much as they can and none of us is a multi-millionaire!

I can never understand this level of selfishness.

How can somebody possibly enjoy their life while knowing their child is struggling and they could alleviate it? It would be like sitting there stuffing your face because you can afford it, and your child watching you, hungry

Beyond me

I wonder who else apart from SIL would do well if MIL started giving out money.....oh! your husband and you OP! Who would have thought it!

You just sound like a grabby Millennial tbh.

Its Big Bad Boomer time. Boomers didn't choose to be born, either. The government of the day decided to encourage bigger families, by only paying child allowance for the 2nd and subsequent children and other schemes to encourage larger families to replace the dead of 2 World Wars, which werent the boomers fault either.

Because 'boomer' parents are the generation who had it all. Free university, cheap housing, generous final salary pension schemes. They've pulled up the ladder and younger generations are struggling. My own parents have helped my siblings and I and have taken pleasure from seeing us benefit from their help - I can't understand parents (such as my husband's) who don't appear to want to do this.

She sounds horrible, but what does her being a “boomer” have to do with it?

I’m of the boomer generation, with long grown up dcs and I can’t imagine not wanting to help adult children, if you can. Many of my generation do recognise all too well how much harder things are now. Just for starters we had much more affordable house prices, no student loans to pay back, and reasonably good jobs were easier to come by.

I might add that everybody of my generation who I know well enough to be aware of it, has helped adult dcs, often by passing on some or all of inheritances from their own parents, as well as anything else.

I’m also well aware of those parents who’d love to be able to help, but simply don’t have the means to do so.

Why do people constantly refer to "Boomers". To use the patronising phrase "you do realise", you do realise that most parents of 20 somethings are younger than that? And that people who were born over a 10+ year period don't all think and act the same way?

God I hate this generational nonsense.

Why aren't you at work, earning and paying taxes to fund our pensions, rather than posting on here, slagging the oldies off?

My boomer parents were first gen immigrants who struggled, despite both being professionals. #notallboomers
i have had no financial help from them, but they gave me so much in every other way.

I don't think this is a boomer thing in general, that just happens to be her generation.

Do you think that everyone has kids when they’re a teenager?

My parents are 'boomers' and they struggled massively to make sure I had a good head on my shoulders so I didn't struggle as much as they had to e.g. making sure I stayed in education, went to higher education, understood the challenges of their time and mine etc.

This over generalisation of an entire generation is so infantile.

Younger generations need to get a grip and find solutions to their own issues, just as their parents generations did, and stop blaming everything on invisible causes as a way to justify why they do nothing productive.

Do you really think the boomers were thinking “let’s screw our children and make sure they don’t get any of this” while it was happening?

So true.

I don't charge my son rent either and I wouldn't, because I don't have a mortgage or pay rent myself. A % of earnings to contribute towards bills/food is fair.

Most boomers didn't get final salary schemes, it was the silent generation who got final salary schemes. Plus, most didn't go to university, only the elite went to university. Many boomers lost their houses during the bust in the late 80s.

If by Boomer you mean people aged from 66 to 80 then you are wrong. You must be assuming everyone has children young.
I am 68 and DH is 76 and our DC are under 30. My DC both have huge plans 2 student loans and are at the coal face of col, housing and tax burden.

Having said that you wouldn't approve of the fact that we have helped them financially a lot and continue to do so despite not being millionaires or anywhere near.

Don't let truth get in the way of why an 80 year old won't pay for a grown adult man and his lunch.

What does your son think? Maybe the MIL didn't approve of their marriage or doesn't approve of her own daughter in some way?

There's nothing you can do sadly.

Stay out of it.

It hits differently watching someone behave like this if you have seen that previous generations (where the money came from) behaved very differently so the individual in question received help and support prior to their inheritance.

Money shows you who a person really is.

I’m an X, my DM is a boomer, she has never had enough money to help anyone. I am fortunate and help my 3 grown up DC a lot.