Boomer parents who don't help their children

[hoarderofthedough]

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

BUT.....my DH's mother, on the other hand is the opposite, and it's giving me the rage. I wondered whether anyone else had experienced similar?

She is super rich, and by that I mean a multi millionaire. She lives in a 6 bed mansion, has around 8 properties that she rents out, providing an income of circa £10k a month, and she lavishes it ALL on herself and her boyfriend.

Her daughter (my SIL) lives in a tiny house in an awful (dangerous) part of town, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Scrimping and saving, not able to put the heating on in winter, no treats ever - and all the while MIL is jet setting to exotic holidays, always in business class....with not one thought for her DD and grandkids welfare.

On the rare occasions we meet up for a meal, MIL will let DH and SIL pay. Or at best the bill will be split - but never are we treated with her paying. However, she is very happy to treat her boyfriend to lots of things.

She's almost 80 now, and still has no thoughts of gifting money to avoid inheritance tax.

Anyone else experience this? I find it truly baffling, because if I was in her position I would be filtering down money to my adult kids regularly.

Why just Boomer parents? Why not just ‘ parents’?

It is very easy to mentally spend other people's money. What has happened in the lives of her children other than she wouldn't share. It seems unusual to have such disparity.

Boomer parents ? You sound like you spend to much time on tik tok !

Good for her, sounds like she’s really enjoying life. And her money.

Fwiw yabu.

The 'boomer' failed her children by making them feel entitled to her money. This is why the SIL has no 'pot to piss in' because she's happy to wait for her DM to provide an alternative. An adult man shouldn't be waiting for his 80 year old mother to fund lunches or marry someone with that expectation. Poor situation all around, IMO

Yawn, here we go again. It's their money, they can do what they bloody like with it.

YABVU to call this 'Boomer' behaviour. This is 'super rich person not giving money to her kids or paying for meals out' behaviour.

Her money is not your buisness. You were extremely fortunate in having your parents. Perhaps she thinks her children should stand on their own two feet. You sound as if you thought you’d get a better deal by marrying who you did.

Or "My MiL is well rich and doesn't think of helping her poorly off children."

The generalising gives me the rage. I'm a "boomer" (I'm 68) and have no children, but have helped my younger brother and his children with large gifts of money. I'm about to begin paying the tuition fees for one of them who goes to medical school in September.

Yeah he's just got a horrible mum. My dad is a boomer and hasn't got a bean - he is renting and on a state pension. So I don't expect anything from him.

I hate the term boomer as it's always used in an insulting way these days.

Rage bait:

elderly woman spends her own money!
what a crime!

Wow, I couldn’t ever imagine treating my dcs like that. I’d give them the shirt off my back. When dd was in her last year at uni and dh was unemployed, we still financially supported her, even though it left us short. The first thing I’d do if I ever came in to any money would be to spend it on them.

You are rather unfairly tarring the largest generation in history with the same brush. Just because one person is tight as a crab's arse at 60 fathoms.... And why are her children so blinking helpless? More to this than you are letting on @UnpopularOpinionsIWouldUsuallyKeepToMyself

Nothing to do with being a boomer, and everything to do with being selfish. This can happen with parents of any generation.

Yes, of course it's her money to do what she wants with. But I can't imagine being that well off and not wanting to help my child who is struggling.

You can't get angry with people for how they spend their money. You also can't expect people to pay for you or give you gifts of money/value just because they are better off than you.

I would like to think I would help anyone out when ever I could but I would never expect it from anyone, it's rude and entitled.

Similar here though less well off. And it does impact everyone because the sil in our case has no property (or job etc) so is claiming minimum of 12k a year for rent then benefits on top..

But obviously problem olin this case is sil is bad with money so any money given would be wasted anyway.,

Is there nothing your SIL can do to improve her own situation/earnings/prospects?

Boomer really? Her kids aren’t entitled to her money, it’s hers not theirs.

yes it’s her own money and she can spend it how she likes, I still can’t understand how you could have that much money and watch your own kids struggle, extremely mean and selfish imo.

Boomer parents have adult children old enough to have had fair opportunity in life and be unaffected by things like ludicrous uni tuition fees and the recent cost of living crisis.

Maybe this mother feels that her children were given opportunity, made their choices and should live with the consequences until she dies and they get their inheritance.

You sound very disparaging of her boyfriend who may be a very valued companion to her. Maybe she picks up on this attitude and therefore doesn’t want the spouses of her children to benefit from her money .

You've posted this before.
No posting history though....

Would you have started a thread if she was three years older @hoarderofthedough ?

I guess Silent Generation parents who don't help their children doesn't have quite the same ragebait effect ring to it 🙄

I would be so ashamed to be a grown adult, begrudging others of their money and openly admitting that's how I spend my time, instead of finding ways to better my own situation. It's cringe inducing. If you have time to post on MN about how sad you are that others have something you do not, then you have time to find ways to better your situation.