Boomer parents who don't help their children

[hoarderofthedough]

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

BUT.....my DH's mother, on the other hand is the opposite, and it's giving me the rage. I wondered whether anyone else had experienced similar?

She is super rich, and by that I mean a multi millionaire. She lives in a 6 bed mansion, has around 8 properties that she rents out, providing an income of circa £10k a month, and she lavishes it ALL on herself and her boyfriend.

Her daughter (my SIL) lives in a tiny house in an awful (dangerous) part of town, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Scrimping and saving, not able to put the heating on in winter, no treats ever - and all the while MIL is jet setting to exotic holidays, always in business class....with not one thought for her DD and grandkids welfare.

On the rare occasions we meet up for a meal, MIL will let DH and SIL pay. Or at best the bill will be split - but never are we treated with her paying. However, she is very happy to treat her boyfriend to lots of things.

She's almost 80 now, and still has no thoughts of gifting money to avoid inheritance tax.

Anyone else experience this? I find it truly baffling, because if I was in her position I would be filtering down money to my adult kids regularly.

I am sick of 'Boomer' too. Lets try 'Why do GenZ/Alpha/whatever they're called spend money on coffees and phones. They should save and be sensible'. This, by the way, is something I would never say or think as I have adult kids who genuinely struggle and I am totally on board with the fact that this is probably the hardest time for young people; but why should us older people have to put up with that fucking word every sodding time???

If MIL is nearly 80 then SIL must be late 40s or early 50s and was younger and working when more jobs and cheaper accommodation was available. What were they doing with their life?

If she is 80, her kids are 60's they have plenty of opportunities to make money its not like they are 30 with young kids.

Sorry, you're right, it isn't just the Boomers, it could be anyone.

For context, she was gifted a house and a business by her wealthy parents, she has never paid that forward. More like pulled up the ladder after that.

You will get a lot of 'her money her choice' replies on here, but yes, my younger boomer (born 62) parents would not watch me or my siblings struggle whilst living in luxury, and I truly find the mentality of any parent that would strange.

umm that would be a very young parent to be 80 and have children in their 60s.

My dad is 79 and I am definitely no where near 60 and my younger brother has a young family!

Can’t stand grabby millenials. I’ve never had any help from my parents and none of my friends did or did we expect it. I’m Gen X.

Unfortunately OP you will get negative responses as you've generalised boomers, and this is mumsnet.

However I agree with you- yes people can do what they like with their money, but sounds like she could help her daughter and still have plenty left over for herself. I couldn't stand by and watch my child suffer like that if I could help.

If what youve said is true, and her children are working or raising children, yes she is despicable.

I will never ever get my head around parents who dont help their children when its in their power to do so.

She is entitled to enjoy her money and spend it as she wishes. It is good that she is having a fabulous life. Her children are not entitled to her money but I personally think she is quite greedy and bloody selfish for not helping them or sharing with them. I cannot fathom a parent not wanting to make their children's lives easier or more enjoyable.

That doesn't mean she has to hand them everything in life but if they are working themselves and making an effort, why not support them.

You've definitely posted before. And were rightly chastised about the generalisation of 'Boomer' behaviour, the use of the term, and your grabby nature.

I hope your MIL continues to live a fantastic life for as long as she possibly can.

Grown adults feeling they're entitled to their parents' money is the most cringe thing ever. Luckily I only see it on here.

We were talking to our ILs about Set for Life once. MIL.said they she'd give 2.5k each to BIL and my husband, and live off the 5k. FIL's face! He couldn't even give imaginary money away.

My dad is hugely generous though - from a tenner for ice creams to five figure cash releases and charity, he just doesn't believe in hoarding cash, nor in taking more than his share of anything.

First post nails it.

Maybe she thinks her children don't deserve it? That they have made their choice in life and dealing with the consequences. Boomers have overall worked very hard and made many sacrifices to get their fortune, and respect their children to do the same.

If she's rich after inheritance, that's another matter.

Just wanted to point out that the oldest GenX are in their 60s so will have children who could well have families of their own. When are you going to turn your ire on them specifically, @hoarderofthedough ?

How could you enjoy being on a tropical holiday knowing that your kids are grandkids are cold and can't afford heating??
I couldn't enjoy that

Sounds like she’s worked hard and been sensible with money and now she’s enjoying life. Good for her, whatever is left will probably come to them in the form of inheritance but if you all have that grabby attitude I’d be leaving it to the cats home.

Immense selfishness and a lack of generosity is frequently described as an ick in all sorts of personal relationships on here.

Perhaps you're feeling defensive, or perhaps you've just never seen a post about the kind of friend who never buys a round, or the husband who gets his wife a box of supermarket chocs after happily asking for a watch?

If a monkey was sat hoarding all the bananas and hissing at the other monkeys in its family, scientists would be studying what was wrong with that monkey.

There are many boomers who are not multimillionaires. Talk about her as an individual-not her as typical of her generation.

Absolutely nothing to do with being a boomer. DH and I are boomers, not wealthy but comfortable as we are lucky enough to have decent pensions and to have benefited from buying a house in the 1980's . We have helped out both dds with rent, getting a decent car when they graduated. In the last year have helped with house moving expenses for dd2 and gifted the same amount to her sister. We gift regular amounts to dgc savings accounts. We are also having lovely holidays that we couldn't afford in the past.
I have also been disgusted by the grabby attitude of somepeople toward their parents. My dear late father lived in poverty in Glasgow,left school at 14, no choice his family couldn't afford for him to stay on at school. He was a clever man , worked hard, studied at night school and would admit had some lucky breaks. He retired with his own house ,a good pension and decent savings. He and mum travelled extensively and he would jokingly say they were spending my inheritance. Well I couldn't have cared less he earned it and I am so pleased he and mum enjoyed it . A few of my acquaintances thought his behaviour was selfish.

There seem to be two attitudes on MN, one that parents should lavish their wealth on their kids and the other that children should make their own way in life and not rely on parents generosity or inheritance. Whichever way you do it half of MN will disagree with you

Maybe she thinks her children should stand on their own two feet, and maybe she has a point.

I agree to a point. I do think it’s irresponsible to have kids if you don’t have a pot to piss in and I think your SIL should be helping herself.

However, I can’t imagine letting my kids struggle. I can’t imagine owning multiple properties and letting my daughter live in poverty.

My mil isn’t wealthy. She lives in the Welsh valleys, lives frugally off her pension and probably has around 50k in savings. Often she’ll transfer random lump sums into our account to “help us out” or to “treat the kids”. I can’t imagine no sharing my wealth with my children.

This is nothing to do with being a “boomer”, it’s just about being a selfish person/parent. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep at night if my daughter and grand children were living like that while I was sitting on millions. Awful behaviour, unless there is a massive back story with a breakdown in the relationship between mother and daughter.