Boomer parents who don't help their children

[hoarderofthedough]

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

BUT.....my DH's mother, on the other hand is the opposite, and it's giving me the rage. I wondered whether anyone else had experienced similar?

She is super rich, and by that I mean a multi millionaire. She lives in a 6 bed mansion, has around 8 properties that she rents out, providing an income of circa £10k a month, and she lavishes it ALL on herself and her boyfriend.

Her daughter (my SIL) lives in a tiny house in an awful (dangerous) part of town, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Scrimping and saving, not able to put the heating on in winter, no treats ever - and all the while MIL is jet setting to exotic holidays, always in business class....with not one thought for her DD and grandkids welfare.

On the rare occasions we meet up for a meal, MIL will let DH and SIL pay. Or at best the bill will be split - but never are we treated with her paying. However, she is very happy to treat her boyfriend to lots of things.

She's almost 80 now, and still has no thoughts of gifting money to avoid inheritance tax.

Anyone else experience this? I find it truly baffling, because if I was in her position I would be filtering down money to my adult kids regularly.

waves

Methinks that those young folk don't understand sarcasm. [ETA Surprising, when said sarcastic comment expressing a wish to be cremated in my home was a response to Boomers wanting to take it with them... You'd think that the 'neighbours' comment might have been a clue for them.]

Read the thread.

Can’t be arsed. It’s 25 pages long. You should have quoted it.

Oh, found it. I see your reply was very swiftly deleted.

People are responding to your hateful comments with their own. You act like you're entitled to everything everyone else has earned and they're trying to tell you that you're not. Your feelings on the matter doesn't change these facts.

Shame on you for being a 'young person' and investing your time in attempting to berate an older generation through insults and amateur socioeconomic policy derived from the Beginners Guide to Marxism. As you can see, it doesn't play out in real life.

Why don't you do something productive in life to better your situation? You are playing into the us/them charade and making yourself look a fool. More importantly, you're stagnating in your own bitterness.

I think the example that the OP gives is a minority.

For those looking for the 'cremation' comment, see above...It was a response to

"On the plus side the Boomers are now rapidly dying out and that forces a transfer of their wealth, whether by inheritance or taxation. They can’t take it with them, although they certainly would if they could."

I've just checked - the council won't allow cremation at home.

Given some of the content of this thread, I find it ironic that this was written and performed by a Boomer.

School's out, indeed.

Again, I'm wondering at the gleeful comment about 'inheritance or taxation'. Of course someone will inherit what you leave behind (if anything), whether it's been willed to someone, claimed by a relative or by the state.

If it goes in taxation, then I guess that immediate family loses out, but the wider state might benefit.

That happens to all of us. The generation is immaterial: and not everyone is wealthy.

I don’t think you’ve grasped my situation. In my family we help each other. I support my parents financially. At the same time we have benefited from a very large transfer of wealth from my in-laws and in due course that wealth will be transferred to our children. The point being (and this goes back to the original op) if you’re able to help then you help. There are seemingly plenty of very wealthy Boomers who do not take this view and have a sink or swim attitude to their children / grandchildren. This to me just does not compute. I have plenty of friends who are sadly in this situation. But anyway, as I said before, there’s not really any point in arguing further as we will never agree.

And yet you appear to be targeting your comments at Boomers in general - not just those who are 'wealthy' and refuse to help family members.

Wealthy boomers don't enable children who are reckless or have addictions by funding their dysfunctional lifestyle. Have you missed the whole part where OP said they partied throughout their 40s and then entered into a relationship with a man who only works part-time?

Every parent out there helps their children but it is not helping when you fund dysfunction. OP needs to stand on her own, show some humility and then be grateful if she's left anything by her mum despite her attitude problem and poor life choices.

That is the point I think you are missing.

No one is sat on hoards of gold watching their hard working children slave for the man and suffer. That's been made up as an irrelevant story line that doesn't apply here.

The entitlement in this post is astounding.
presumably she has worked hard to get to the financial position she is in so why shouldn’t she enjoy spending it on herself if she wishes.
has your SIL ever worked? Maybe MIL is trying to make a point that you don’t get something for nothing. I went to uni with a lad who’s father was a multi millionaire, the dad insisted his son get an education and make his own way in life before he would help him financially and I am fully in agreement with this approach.

I’d encourage you to reread the op’s posts about her SIL’s situation. She works part time because she has young children. Doesn’t say her partner works part time, though he has a low paid retail job. She returned to the UK and bought a house in her 40s. Nothing to suggest she has dysfunctions or addictions. In this situation I would be helping her (and by extension my grandchild). You obviously wouldn’t be. I suspect there are people on this thread in a not completely dissimilar situation and deep down they know they should be helping, but they’re desperately trying to justify not doing so. I won’t be commenting further as we’re just going around in circles.

Great!

Reread this OPs post on this thread or all of the previous one's OP has made with different scenarios?

Anyway, I'm happy to agree to disagree. You seem a lot more balanced in some of these responses, which is refreshing. Stay safe in this heat. Wish you the best.

Oh of course you are raging about this. After all, adult children are entitled to their parents money 🙄

It would have been nice if my parents had helped me out, and to be fair I do get the occasional gift, but to be honest it's nice to know everything I have, I earned for myself. It's their money (even if a lot of it is inherited), they can do what they want with it.

That's hilarious especially as he has been vile his whole life, nothing to do with his D.O.B and he is surrounded by much younger people who are all equally repellent

The majority of "Boomer parents" did not inherit from their parents but they have definitely raised a generation of entitled brats! Not satisfied with a leg up from your own parents you're now expecting another handout from your in-laws. SO GREEDY!

I guess if that's deemed acceptable the millennials won't complain if they get blamed for and compared to Andrew Tate (born 1986). Seems only fair.

And there's Elon Musk a Gen X (same generation as me, but as far as I'm aware I'm not rolling in billions and I don't espouse his views).

There's so many brilliant and wonderful individuals of all ages. And there'sarseholes in every age group, it's not the preserve of any one generation. As evidenced on this thread.

It's her money not yours, you are also not entitled to anything or any of it.

Quite agree. It’s a demographic, not a personality type.

Of course but as a parent can you really imagine seeing your kids struggle while you live the life of luxury? Not even offering to buy them dinner once in a while? Cos I certainly couldn’t

You are truly v_ile

Whereas my father gave me his last penny (before his death) so not all boomers are the same.
I'm sorry about your DB though and that your father is like he is....