AIBU to expect DH to leave contact when I was hospitalised?

451 replies

Amioverreactinghmm · 11/08/2026 22:24

I have been extremely unwell for the past 4 months and have been admitted to hospital for numerous blood transfusions. Im dizzy, sick and faint on a near daily basis, however I received my diagnosis yesterday and a plan is in place for my treatment going forward.

Quick backstory, my dh has a DD aged 15. He only found out about her at 6 yo and since then has fought tooth and nail to be in her life. The courts awarded him 4 hours contact (10-2) on a Saturday and Sunday every week at her aunt's house (mum's sister) as the mum refuses point blank to have any contact with my DH. She didn't want contact, it had to be forced and even then she was held in contempt for refusing a court order.

Anyway on Friday night I was really ill, sickness, temp etc. My DH left on the Saturday morning for his visit and I just got worst throughout the day. At 11.30ish I lost consciousness and my DD (20) panicked and called an ambulance and my DH.

My DH didn't leave, he stayed til his contract time was over and later as well as the sister allowed extra time as his DD was having a water fight with him in the garden so he didn't leave til 4 and didn't get to me in the hospital til the back of 5. I had to have another transfusion.

I feel he should of left when he got the call. He feels he barely gets time with his DD so will soak up every minute he gets. AIBU?

OP posts:

Ansells · 18/08/2026 02:29

SpinandSing · 17/08/2026 09:20

Firstly OP, I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis and the frightening things that you have been experiencing. It is without question, that your husband should have been by your side immediately, or at least offered to and given you the choice.

Also, I am shocked by the responses you;ve had on here from some unbelievable fucknuggets. Mumsnet has ben invaded by simpletons who like to one-up each other by trivialising everyone else's lives. Please just skim over their responses, you need all the positive energy you can get right now and they're a waste of your precious time and energy.

Tell us about your DH. What is he usually like? Have you ever feared being let down by him i this way before? Have you sensed his daughter taking priority when it shouldn't have been this way? I think that for some parents, having a child can reveal a narcissistic streak...the child taking ultimate priority so they are a hero in their eyes. It's very unhealthy and almost impossible to overcome.

I know it may sound extreme to some but I would be withdrawing from him and asking him to move out for a while to give you some space. I doubt he is going to be any support to you at the most crucial time. Do you have good friends and family around you?

Seeing as she has been ill for months and he’s been by her side, apart from this one time where he was there, just not immediately, saying she should leave him is quite extreme. OP hasn’t said he hasn’t been supportive or not supporting her over the past few months.

OP is vulnerable right now and feels let down because of this one incident. This one incident shouldn’t cloud her judgment and make her disregard all the other times he has been supportive and by her side.

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