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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In laws policing drinking on holiday

179 replies

Cherry346 · 11/08/2026 15:44

I, along with DH and our two kids, stayed with relatives in law at their home in the South of France for our summer holiday (1 week) as we do every year unless they come to us in the UK. I noticed quite early on in the trip that uncle in law was not really offering me alcoholic drinks at the dinner table despite drinking wine himself and offering it to DH (it’s something I and UIL have previously enjoyed together – we’re both into wine and they live opposite a lovely vineyard where we’ve regularly done tastings). I have a long-term debilitating illness so don’t drink much (certainly no spirits etc) but do enjoy a glass or two when I’m away and find it really helps me relax, particularly after sorting the kids’ bedtime which I did most nights to let DH catch up with his family. Later in the week, auntie in law kept making comments about anti-inflammatory diets/querying what I eat so I suspect they were purposefully limiting my alcohol having read that it can sometimes negatively impact people with my illness (albeit in the six years I’ve been unwell I personally have not experienced any negative effects and similarly felt no better by giving it up for a period). At one point I briefly excused myself from the dinner table with indigestion and heard AIL mutter “maybe she’s gone in to get some wine” (like I was some form of closet alcoholic!!). AIBU to think that, at 44 years old, they are not entitled to police/judge what I drink in this way, despite what they may have read about my illness? To be clear, we bought a box of vineyard wine and paid for meals out to thank them for their hospitality, so there’s no suggestion they thought we were freeloading. I know this isn’t a huge issue in the grand scheme of things but it really got under my skin (pun intended!) and I spent the week feeling very uncomfortable/quite shamed/judged, especially when everyone else was imbibing! DH perhaps should have asked them whether there was an issue but I didn’t want an already strange/uncomfortable situation to become even more awkward! TIA

OP posts:
BeAzureRaven · 16/08/2026 00:55

Cherry346 · 11/08/2026 16:22

Well this is it, I've no idea! That's what made it feel so uncomfortable as it was such a departure from previous years where we've enjoyed tasting local wines together / free flowing wine at dinner etc! I wouldn't have minded if they had offered us all no wine / less wine it's just the fact it seemed pointed at me 😬

I think I'd be more upset with my husband for not saying anything! Why didn't he? And I wouldn't be going back there again.

researchers3 · 16/08/2026 01:10

Cherry346 · 11/08/2026 16:15

I didn't feel I could just ask for a glass (a bit pathetic I know) but they are very traditional (think man works, wife cooks and cleans, man pours the wine!) and I think it would have appeared rude.
my having a drink definitely doesn't negatively impact on others - if anything it just relaxes me and enables me to be more sociable!

I'd be more bothered by the general sexism/misogyny and the fact that your husband has done nothing about this.

Don't put up with this,nonsense.

KitFox · 16/08/2026 01:16

I wonder if they'd seen a tv programme or read something about your condition and thought they were doing the right thing, but this is very strange behaviour. They must've known that ir'd be obvious. Talk to DH and see what he knows/thinks and why he tolerated it.

Oldwmn · 16/08/2026 12:22

Viviennemary · 11/08/2026 15:51

Sounds like there is more to this than meets the eye.

😂 a very mumsnet point of view.

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